First let me quote from an earlier posting that I did: " I thought if I bettered myself then my life would improve. I decided that I wanted to go back to school and I thought that he supported that. He supports me going back to school, but he doesn't like my choice of school, or major. I wanted to become an architect, but he doesn't feel there's any use in it. I began school not knowing his true feelings. I was very pleased after the first semester that I picked a major I fell in love with. I made the Dean's list every semester, and recieved an award for excellence for some of my work. I was very hurt and confused when my husband didn't even acknowledge my successes with a congratulatory word. Later he admitted that he didn't like artwork and thought I was wasting my time. He couldn't even say "Good job!" when I got an A in math or physics. So I am halfway through school and it's killing me that my husband is like that. I think he feels I am wasting HIS money on my schooling and it's not cheap."<P>Here's my question: We weren't doing MB when I began school. I now know that he doesn't completely agree with my choice. How do we POJA this problem? I don't want to quit school - I love it. And I want to have a better marriage but my husband doesn't want me to be at this particular school studying this particular thing. Do I have to give up a career that has taken me years to find?<BR>

Is it your major he doesn't like or is he feeling threatened by the fact that you're in school and bettering yourself? Architecture is more than artwork. How can he say there's no use it it? Point to a few buildings in the area that have great architecture in them. Can he argue that they are not useful? It sounds to me like he's being a little controlling. I don't think it would matter what major you chose, he would still want you to quit.<P>I might get bashed for this, but I would never in a million years give up your schooling because he feels threatened. I think it would be better to find a way for him to feel less threatened.<P>I guess I could put it in MB terms. The POJA says not to do anything without enthusiastic agreement. Since you are already enrolled in school the thing that could be 'done' is for you to quit. So you shouldn't quit if you don't enthusiastically agree to. And it sounds like you don't.

-"I might get bashed for this, but I would never in a million years give up your schooling because he feels threatened. I think it would be better to find a way for him to feel less threatened."-<P>How to make him feel less threatened? I ask ed him what he thought I should study and he said something with computers or business, maybe. Guess what he does? Computer networks managing.<P>I'm just not sure. I don't think of him as controlling. I think I may be more so than he, but in this case I can't understand his objections. (I have given him the exact argument you stated about buildings - great minds think alike!)<BR>

L&F,<P>There has to be some as-yet unrevealed fear that he has about this. What does he feel would be a more acceptable major? That might yield a clue aboiut what is going on. <P>Is he the type that doesn't want his wife to make more money than him? Is he afraid that you will become independent and not need him? Is he afraid that you will be surrounded by male architects all the time? There must be something.<P>It is so sad that his fear is making him act like such a jerk and hurt your feelings this way. What an opportunity to make deposits in your lovebank - to admire you for achieving in something that you love. Poor guy doesn't know what he's doing. <sigh><P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

Well I'm no expert on this but I understand the POJA, not to be an just excercise in agreement on a single issue but also a compromise that may involve several things as a "package". As an example, if he "agrees" to enthusiastically support you in school, you may "agree" to enthusiactically support him getting involved in some other activity. Back in our "happy days", I always encouraged my wife in her home based businesses (she likes the work) even though it took time away from us, and she encouraged me to take sailing classes. I did and have enjoyed it immensely. Our agreement was to take care of the children, household and other items as needed to allow each other the time for these activities. Now, I'm not suggesting you should allow him to do whatever he wants in return. You should determine a "fair exchange". I also agree with the other posters here who have suggested that he may fear some element of this that he has not told you about. If you can identify the fear, then you may have the beginnings of your "counter-offer".<P>One last thing. If you improve yourself you WILL improve your life. Have no doubt about that. I know that I will improve in every way possible as a result of my own little time in hell. I too hope that my wife notices and likes the differences and she comes back to me. If not, then I will be much better equiped to move on in life and not repeat the mistakes I made in this marriage.