So Larri comes by to see the kids. It is not her parenting time, but she missed last weekend, and the kids need to see her anyway.<P>She says she is going to take them across the street to get some food. OK. Then she asks me if I want to go with her. HMMM!!! Sure, says I. Tiana is no where to be found. <P>So we go across the street (no mean feat, walking across the street in Los Angeles. Got hit in this same intersection last year. But I digress.)<P>So we sit. I ask her to what do I owe the pleasure of the invitation. She says that she thinks it is a good idea that the children see us together. HMMMMM!!!<P>Tiana calls while we are over there. She is p**sed!!! She thinks that Larri is trying to get me back. But only to get back at Tiana and get the kids back.<P>So Larri and I are talking about little stuff. Nothing serious with the kids there.<P>Larri wants to take the kids to the mall. OK. Steven does not want to go. He says that he has spent a lot of time with mommy and he wants to spend time with daddy. Larri starts to cry. I give her a hug and say I'm sorry. He ends up going with her.<P>I go back up to the apartment. Tiana is crying (too many crying women today!). We talk and things are somewhat OK. This is very hard for all of us. I can not take the pressure, and end up falling asleep. Tiana leaves.<P>Larri shows up back at the apartment. Wakes me up. Larri hangs around for awhile. Little hmmm!!! Then calls her sister about the wedding next weekend. First thing sister asks about is me. Are we getting along, etc. She tells Larri that she will support her whatever she decides to do. Another little hmmmm!!! No decision from Larri yet, but I am sure she will take the OM.<P>We will see. Things just get curiouser and curioser.<P>Thanks for listening

And you were nice, agreeable and pleasant, didn't push an agenda, just on good behavior. Is this Plan A? <P>And it's still possible you'll get to go to the wedding, (provided that Larri's sister doesn't have to worry about a "scene" coming from your area? This sounds good. A possibility: Larry will take the OM, you will also be allowed to attend, and you use the wedding as a chance to be a class act. No spouting off, speaking up, etc. <P>If Larry or the OM should make a comment or say something that could be taken as a slur on your relationship or on you, have a prepared response. A smile, perhaps, and something about how you wish them happiness, or you can see how happy they are, that you wish them the best. Nothing about the effects of all this on the kids, or about how little she sees of them. No trace of sarcasm in your voice. I don't know, something in line with your own style. <P>So (the female question) what are you going to wear, if you are allowed to go? If this sounds trivial, it isn't. Make sure you don't look seedy! If you need a haircut, get one now, get your shoes polished, have a suit ready, cleaned and pressed. Will this be a formal wedding, with tuxedos? Can you afford to rent one. I can't emphasize enough the good effect of a well-groomed, clean-shaven not drinking guy. But that's a personal preference.<P>Sorry about Tiana. It's inevitable that somebody will get hurt, you do have a tangled mess here. [HMMMM]<P>Most important thing, well-being of the kids.<P><BR>Keep up the good work.

Mostly things were nice, agreeable, and pleasant. We did get into one area of the minefield, when Larri started talking about Tiana. I told her that I did not want to talk about it. And we went on to other safe subjects.<P>Larri seemed to get great joy in Tiana being upset. Maybe Tiana has something when she says that the only reason is Larri wants to get back at her.<P>I'm doing the best plan A I can. I tend to do a lot of testing the boundaries. Ask too many questions. But always in a loving manner. And never a negative comment.<P>Got the appearance stuff covered. Had the suit cleaned. Got a haircut yesterday. Shoes are shined. I'll even shave for this.<P>I don't know about going if he goes. I think the family would not like this. And I told them that I would respect their wishes. I bought the sister a card already, and am going to pay for Steven's tuxedo. I am kind of surprised that no one is taking more of a stand on this one. I would not allow my daughter to do this. Either she comes with her husband or alone.

Even if the family asks at the last minute that you don't go, I think you have made headway by being reasonable, willing and able to respect their wishes. It can't help but register.<P>On a lighter note: Don't you usually shave? <P>Oh, P.S. What's Larri's favorite fragrance? Wear it if you get to go to the ball!<P>

No I don't shave unless I really have to. Luckily, I have very sparse facial hair. I can usually go at least a week before people really start noticing. And I am a grad student, and we are supposed to look like this.<P>I don't wear any kind of fragrance, either. Just me.<P>Thanks for your kind words. I hold no hope. Well amybe just a tiny bit.