I have always posted here,and perhaps should post somewhere else,but I have friends here.H moved out a couple weeks ago.H closed all joint,atm's,and cleared out savings.<P>It was not even a week since he had moved out, and he notified me he had seen an attorney.<P>H was having an internet affair,OW will be moving here in a few weeks.H has cut all contact with me.I planned A really hard when he was living with me.THen I went to plan b,he asked me if he still had to go thru "mutual friend" to talk to him and I said no.<BR>I was on plan B for about 3 days.NOw ,no plan.<BR>I think I am past plan A and b.When do you give up and face the inevitable? H has made it clear that if it wasnt OW it would have been someone else. H has also said "I will never go back to the house".<P>ouch!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like such a failure. Why couldnt I see this coming?<P>H MUST REALLY HATE ME !!!!!!!<P>He gave up his home and chilreen he loved dearly.<BR>Iam not so sure he is in a fog, or that internet OW had much to do with his leaving,he was truly unhappy with me for so long.

I don't know how to cut and paste from your post but something really struck me...maybe because I'm wrestling with it too.<P>You said...H made it clear that if it wasn't OW it would have been someone else.<P>BINGO!!!!<P>I may be also trying to convince myself of this...but this is what I think. She means nothing to him...it could have been anyone. This affair is based on nothing, and I'm not saying that you (or I) will live happily ever after with our spouses, but ...it could be anyone! Now...what kind of value does that give this internet idiot he's fooling around with...and what kind of woman moves to be near someone she got to know on a computer?<P>The fog will clear someday. For people like us it may be too late, but I've seen too many posts about these horrible people that think nothing of breaking up families. There is no value in this, and THERE IS NO VALUE IN HER.<P>Keep your head up gettingbetter..because you are.<P>By the way...a plan seems very important to me, and others here would disagree, but I kind of Plan A and B at the same time. I do not contact him unless I absolutley have to, but when I see him, which is quite ofter due to the kids and him wanting to be around the house I am nice and refuse to argue and bicker. I tell him he is my precious friend no matter what happens with us.<BR>

Dear Az,<P>H is not contacting me at all.He stopped by to get younger child for ice cream I was not there.I am so angry at him for what he has done ,I am thinking of staying on plan B.<P>I can not be pleasant with him when he comes or calls because he doesnt.H has made a complete break.I cant even say H is a precious friend ,because of what he is putting me thru. I may lose house ,cant afford it.Cant afford to run AC, it is 92 outside,and I have to keep thermostat a set at 78 and 80.beth

Couple of things struck me about your post.<P>"H MUST REALLY HATE ME !!!!!!!"<P>I don't think so. We have all felt this from the WS. More likely, he hates himself. They all say lots of stuff that they don't really believe. I think in my case, the OM is feeding her what she wants to hear. He does not know how things were here, so he acts as a mirror for her thoughts. Gives her validation. But I see it crumbling around her.<P>If he has seen an attorney, it is important for you to see one, as well. The children need his support, financial as well as emotional. Protect yourself and your children.<P>Now this is not a slam. But you need to, as much as you can, get over the anger. Vent here. Not at him. You have important decisions to make, and you can not make them in a highly emotional state. I know it is hard (took me months to get over the anger), but it is worth it. My wife and I may never get back together, but I don't hate her. I still get angry at her, but those times are coming less and less.<P>I don't agree with what she did, and don't understand why she did it, but for my health and the health of my children, this is what I had to do.<P>I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Good Luck<P>

I really don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers. I really don't think you should make any decisions yet. Let your emotions run there course then decide. <P>You will be in my thoughts and prayers.<P>------------------<BR>You can't live with them, you can't kill them.<BR>*Viki

Did you give him the plan B letter? Remember plan B is for yourself to help you to heal and to get over your anger and your love for him. I think you should give him the letter if you haven't already. Then you won't be waiting for him to contact you and hurting when he doesn't, you will feel more in control of your life.<BR> I am thinking and praying for you. I wish you peace.<BR>Lora