NoMas...<BR>I can truly empathize what you are going through. To answer your questions...yes I have children, two, 14 and 10. I have been married 16 years, and like you never would have imagined in a million years I would be where I am at my age. I live 300 miles from OM and have never met him face to face, though I did spend a lot of time talking to him on the phone daily and emailing him. We were very much in love and skirted the issue of where this all was going. He did not have children and he had only been married 2 years. <P>My relationship with God has always been strong...sometimes I think he brought OM and I together for some reason...what I don't know. My S and I have had lots of problems...mainly a marriage with a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. The OM filled a void that had been barren for years. When my H found out about the EA, I continued to stay in contact with OM...I couldn't let go; however, things did slow down. I needed time to think...I made the decision to divorce and not because of the OM..I couldn't continue with what I had been living. I knew that the OM had to make a choice as well....this on going longing for each other was not healthy; eventually something would have to give. My H took care of things...he called the OM's wife and told her about the EA. The next day, OM decided to try and give his tender marriage a go and asked me to support him in his decision of not communicating with each other. Of course, I said I would, never thinking how difficult it would be. It has been hell. I pray every day for the strength to go on and forget. I have not. I love him as much today as I did three months ago and that is with 0 contact. I can't speak for him, but for me it has been the most difficult thing I have ever lived through. I cannot in good conscious, stay with my H when I know my heart and soul are elsewhere. I may never see or talk to him again, but I won't live a lie. It's not fair to my H or me. I am doing my best to get on with things. In the beginning, I tried marriage counseling, etc, but to our dismay, the marriage is pretty much over. The kids are having a very difficult time...of course, my marital problems are my own. I would have loved to have been able to work things out. It is so hard when not a day goes by I'm not longing for someone else. <P>God be with you and good luck in your decision. I think no matter how you decide, there will be pain a plenty. I don't see how you can avoid it.<P>Good luck,<BR>LS

Lonley soul,<BR> YOU SAID:<BR> "The kids are having a very difficult time...of course, my marital problems are my own"<BR> Sounds like you may want to think this though a little more...... It is a FAMILY problem and your children will bear the pain FOREVER. Think, then feel. <BR> GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Hi Lonely....<P>Thanks for the response. I was not to sure about your background and such. I am familiar with your hurt. You wish me luck on my "decision". There really is no "decision" to be made. But I know what you mean when you say "either way, there will be pain". This I understand as well.<P>What just amazes me...I can read your post...and hear the intense longing in your heart for someone you cannot have. I understand the torment of this all to well.<P>Then, I read the other posts of spouses who's husbands/wives are off with someone else, and the torment is obvious that they are enduring. They express total wonderment and shock as to how anyone could be so cruel and wonder where their "brains" are. For the longest time, I too would wonder what they were thinking. But then...I understand them (WS) better now.<P>You said you kind of thought that God had a reason for you meating the OM? Well...I know enough about God that He sure did not intend for things to progress to the point where you felt this way about another man. The person I met...on-line...is a believer herself, as I am. We both are convinced that there could have never been a more perfect "match" like we have found in each other. Yet..we also both know....we stepped way over God's boundries. If it had really been God's will for us to meet and be together, it sure would not have happened this way. That is about the only thing I do know anymore that is non-negotiable.<P>Almost seems like a cruel joke...to find someone like this...only tobe told you can't have them. <P>Sure is easy to "roast and blast" all the WS who fall off the tracks like this, (not even suggesting they don't need a good kick in the butt), but obviously, this "tendency" is becoming more and more common. <P>I will say that to hear how strong your feelings are after 3 months for the OM is not encouraging news.<P>Wish I knew what to tell you....maybe someday, I will.<P>

NoMas...I feel compelled to clarify the comment about God bring me and the OM together...I didn't mean it in the sense that God would approve. For years I had thought about leaving my H because things were so bad for me and the kids. I was afraid and always hoped things would get better. After awhile, I just operated solo and got to a place where I didn't care. The OM made me see all that I was missing in a "normal" relationship. He made me feel like I use to feel about myself. <P>Since this nightmare started, I have been going to counseling with my Pastor. Trying to find a reason for this insanity, the minister pointed out that perhaps the whole incident happened to give me the strength to do what I needed to do. Being in an abusive marriage is not healthy either. Perhaps this is why after three months I am still having such a hard time. I hadn't had kindness for so many years, I had it long distance, and now there is this. Aside from that, the relationship ended so abruptly that I felt like I was in a trance for a month. One day, everything was good, the next all hell breaks loose and its over. No words of goodbye....just a brief email saying I can't communicate with you. I think closure is important; especailly if you want to heal. I also think that is part of my continued torture. <P>I'm sure you and your friend will handle things better. <P>

I wonder...if your becoming "single and available" was the "nudge" for your friend to "retreat" back to his marriage. As long as both parties are married, there is a certain "saftey net" there that keeps things balanced in a sense. But once one of the parties involved is single again, I can see where there would be some incredible pressure for the other person involved to make some kind of decision.<P>Again...I am so sorry for the "barren wasteland" that you find yourself in. <BR>

Thanks for your insight...I had thought about that, and if that is true, well then so be it. Since there really wasn't any closure, I don't know what to think, since there really wasn't any build up to the end, I can't go on that. He did know I was thinking about leaving my H, and offered to help, so who knows. I basically don't know what the problem was with his marriage, or if there was a problem. For all I know, I could have just been something on the side. Thinking I was being lied to and used really hurts, but that's what happens when you get involved in relationships such as that. In any case, I'm on my own here. I had truly believed there was so much...I had every reason to think the feelings were mutual in every way. His behavior completely surprised me, and I quess my punishment for this is to never know. I know that he is gone...he has shown no signs of withdrawl or even indicated he cared. He has no idea that I filed for divorce. He knows how horrid and violent my H was..sometimes I think he blames me for my H calling his wife. Anyway...I shall never no the truth.<BR>