I would like to hear from couples who reunited after an affair. I am getting depressed at reading all of the newly found affairs as I am in the same boat. <P>I'd like to hear from couples who got back together and what it took to get there. Also, what it takes to keep it together. I guess I am losing hope. My H is dating one woman and is considering dating others. This is so hurtful to me. Especially because he says he loves me, but it's not enough he wants to feel "in love" again. I would like for him to fall in love with me again, but he won't give us a chance. He wants to date me; will he be comparing me? <P>He is like a different man altogether. I don't even understand how he can do this! He's turning 46, is it mid-life crisis. I'm lonely, hurt, angry, and disappointed that our life has been turned inside out. I'm absolutely devastated!

Hello Kuuipo,<P>There don't seem to be very many active "success stories" on the board right now. Lostva is the best one going, see her post on the Recovery forum.<P>The board is really flooded with new people right now, but there are some success stories in the making in Recovery. It seems that people tend to drift away from this site when things really improve,probably because that don't want the reminders.<P>You might want to do a search for posts by HGBrawner, Almost Happy, Lonestar, DuncanMac, and Suse. They are all success stories.<P>Peppermint

Yes, Honey, it's possible. And Robert and I are doing very well.<P>Woozy and her H are doing pretty well. Di and her H are getting back THIS WEEKEND. Kat1, Crazy or What? and the others that peppermint mentioned. Don't give up hope!!<P>We do sorta drift off during recovery....important work to be done, you know?? But we stop back in from time to time to check on everyone.<P>Hang in there. It's a rough ride, but there CAN be a happy ending.<P>hugs and prayers,<P>Lori

kuuipo, <P>When I read your words I feel that same knife in my heart also. But I do think it is the "feeling" which is like an adrenalin feeling or a drug that they want and not the person.<P>I think it is to elevate themselves out of their numbness which doesn't have to do with us or the marraige or the kids......<P>I'm not in recovery yet, but I often go to that board to read the "recoverees" stories. Sometimes I ask them questions. It helps me stay positive and keep my outlook on recovery. <P>Do a search for the names peppermint gave you. Add Carrie and Chicks to your list. SamH is another. Keep doing plan A as best you can and take care of yourself. You will grow and learn so much.... My H told me he loved me one day, went on a trip with OP, came home "possessed" and told me "there is nothing we can do"<P>It has been about 6 months since the trip, and 3 months since he moved out. He has been in counseling for 3 months and even though he is not himself yet, upon his suggestion we are going to joint counseling. <P>I know I have a long way to go....but I am more hopeful now than 3 months ago.

Kuuipo:<P>I will give you my success story. I mostly lurk now, and try to post when I can. This one hit me, as we just had our counseling session last night, and our counselor told us we have now "graduated". We're only going to be seeing her once a month!<P>Dday for me was Jan. 20th. We're going on 16 weeks. My H is a recovering alcoholic. On Dday, the affair stopped, along with his drinking.<P>We have been working on the relationship ever since. I can tell you it's the best relationship either one of us has ever had. The trust is coming back, the belief in the relationship is coming back.<P>I love my H with all my heart, and I know he loves me with all his. We spend every second we can together now, we don't many things separately. Before, we did nothing together.<P>H realized and told me that he never lost love during the A. The A was not as bad as others here on the board. It was a 3-month fling that ended up them sleeping together once. After that, he tried to end the relationship, and basically, she sent an anonymous letter in the mail to me pretending to be her H to try and break us up for him "breaking her heart". <P>But, it's done and over with. We haven't heard from her since a week after Dday. And I hope we never do again.<P>I still get down somedays, as flashbacks are a killer, but they get less and less as time goes on and as my H proves himself everyday how much he is committed to this relationship.<P>Yes, here is another success story for you. And, I will tell you this, if it wasn't for this website, we'd be divorced by now, because I would have never realized the right way and wrong way to handle certain situations and I would of LB'd all over the place.<P>Hang in there, Kuuipo. It can be done. I never thought in a million years in my situation that we would pull through this, but we have. And, we're going full force with recovery.<P>--purplemag<BR>

Moring kuuipo:<P>My wife left me after a many year affari (unknown to me), divorced me, had OP move in with her for several months before the balloon of her addiction to her fantasy of a better life burst. Beginning with friendly coffees, then social dates, re-establishing a relationship then finally she moved back to the matrimonial home.<P>We've been together now over 2 years, still working on problems engendered by the affair but communicate better, understand each other more, laugh more and love better than before in our marriage.<P>Advice? Faith, hope and charity. Read the books listed in "Notable threads", follow the forum, get councelling.<P>As the song says: "It worked for other, it can work for you". It's a long, painful journey with big bumps and potholes in the road to recovery but the destination makes the effort very, very worth while. Hang in.<P>God bless.<P>

A brief synopsis of my story.<P>D-day was late on a Saturday night. It was shear force of will to keep from killing W, OM and possibly myself as well. By Sunday W and I argeed to stay together and try to work it out. As we left foe work Monday W was terrafied I would not be there when she got home so I promised that no matter what, I would come home that afternoon. That one promise there is probably why we are not divorced. I discovered the depth of the A after snooping through her computer and was livid with rage. I need some help, I did not know what to do. I did know that millions of people have gone through this and many are still married so I started looking for someplace to turn. I honestly thought that there was too much between W and I that was unbreachable and that my family life had come to an end.<P>I found this site, and that has kept my sanity intact. Through MB advice, anti-deps (also MB advice) and a couple of counselors, we are very secure in our marriage now. Trust is coming back, if slowly. I no longer go into panic mode anytime she is away from me. Ever time I have faith in her she proves to me that faith is deserved and each time makes it easier to trust her on the next occasion. <P>I love my wife very much and I know that she loves me. I got it all back and so much more. I don't think of this as a happy ending but rather as a happy new begining.

Hi,<BR> There is hope!!!!! My H and I are very close now after the affair. We communicate so well together and really enjoy being together. It took the affair for us to both relize just how much we love eachother. My best advice to you is to sit back and wait this mid-life thing out. It takes a lot out of you but it will be the best in the end. You need to be the best wife you can be. Loving, understanding and above all paitent. You need to become his best friend again. You need to make home seem really good. Just don't lose sight of yourself! Use this time to do things you enjoy doing! I can't say that I wish the affair had never happened because it woke us both up. I wish the kids had never had to go through what they did.<BR> It sounds to me like your H is going through mid-life crisis and by what I have researched they really can't help it. There is nothing you can do to change it you just need to wait it out.<P>Jill

Thank you all so much for responding!! It means a lot to me to hear from you. I was feeling hopeless reading story after story of affairs and divorce. I needed to hear successes to help me keep the hope alive. I know it won't be easy and I have good days and nights and horrible days and nights. Sometimes I feel like giving up! I meditate each night and by morning, whatever, anger and anguish I feel feels a little less. But you know the pain is still there. <P>I haven't heard from H since he moved out, and I know that he goes to see the OW, as she lives in the next building. It is so difficult to stay positive when I am exposed to this! I will look at the recovery site and keep my hope alive as much as possible. <P>Please keep me in your prayers as I will keep all of you in mind. I'll pray that your relationshps will grow in love and in strength.<P>Love and light, Kuuipo

<B>kuuipo</B>,<P>Just a quick link to the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000013.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A> post.<P>You can get to the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000025.html" TARGET=_blank>Books</A> post as well as many other good sections!<P> <P>Jim