I feel like Michael Corleone in the excreble GODFATHER PART III.<P>"Just when I think I'm out...[she] pull[s] me back in!"<P>Dragon Lady called for H today, after about 3 months of not calling. Of course my imagination ran away with me...did he get her flowers for mother's day? (She has a kid.)<P>He says that this must mean she's accepted a job offer and given notice at her current employer.<P>So why's she calling him AT HOME on a SUNDAY...MOTHER'S DAY...to tell him?<P>Weird.<P>On the plus side, it means that (hopefully) she won't be a vendor to his company any more and they won't have that work connection. Unless he decides to still steer business her way, which he might.<P>H wants us to have our big Barbecue on June 17. You know what this means...Dragon Lady at my house. I told him that I wanted to do it on a smaller scale than last year, and I wanted to keep people OUT OF THE UPSTAIRS, especially OUR BEDROOM (where he took her last year to see our cats), because that's where I dump the effluvia when I clean. I saw his jaw tighten when I said that, and I looked at him steadily and asked, "Do you have any objections?"<P>He said no.<P>Let's see if he lives up to it.<P>I think I'll make it less stressful for myself by inviting only certain people I work with, instead of everyone I work with. That'll help. One of my neighbors, who I'll invite, knows what the deal is. Maybe she'll kick Dragon Lady's [censored].<P>

This keeps driving me crazy and I am sorry.. but I have to ask... It's not just you.. but I have read things to do with this from others also...<P>Why on EARTH do you people who have Spouses who work with the OP, continue to keep them involved in your parties, bbq's, etc? Whether they work with them or not.<P>Allowing them into your home... after they have been with your spouse? This seems to me to be just an excuse for your spouse to keep seeing them. <P>If your spouse had any consideration at all.. and was truly not planning to carry on the affair... they you would think that they could explain to the OP that they should find an excuse not to show up and you would think they wouldn't have a problem with that. Things come up... you know? <P>Welcoming them into your homes... just blows me away.... Being a betrayer... I would NEVER feel comfortable going into the OM's home with his W there... especially if she knew about us.... Sheesh....

Ah, but you see, I am like Lora and some others here in that my H never (to the best of my knowledge) had a physical affair.<P>They're "just friends."<P>If I had ever had disclosure, or even an acknowledgement that what I felt about this "friendship' was legit, I would feel justified in demanding that she not come to my house.<P>But I haven't. <P>So I can't.<P>Oh yes, I know all about "He SHOULD abide by your wishes if this woman makes you that uncomfortable.<P>Yes, and the Mets SHOULD win the World Series this year.<P>Doesn't mean it's gonna happen.

I understand... and I feel badly for you... <P>What an awful situation to have to be in...<BR>I would be watching them like a Hawk...<P>Good luck to you...<P>

HA! I just had a sudden realization...<BR>I've done the same thing! My H has a "friend" at work and there were tons of rumors spreading around about them.... Of course I got wind of it... and of course they were "just friends." (this had been going on for a couple years apparantly..)<P>Well... I invited her and her H to H's 40th surprise birthday party and a nice club that I had arranged.. (I felt obligated since she worked with him and everyone else was invited) Funny... her H didn't come with her... I wonder why?<P>Guess what happened? When we got there, the place was full! No chairs left for us, the guests had filled them up... EXCEPT for ONE! Right next to his "friend". Hummmm....<BR>She patted the seat and he went and sat down... <P>I guess I shouldn't talk.... I believed him.... But I still know.. in my heart... they had a closer friendship than was ever admitted to.... probably not physical... but for certain very emotional (according to what my H said they discussed.. and their lunches alone... and his helping her with little problems that she confided in him with... going with her alone to see her home that was being constructed...)<P>Hummm.... I never considered this an affair of any type.. Think I should?<P>Hang in there... <P><p>[This message has been edited by Lacee (edited May 14, 2000).]

Im so glad Lacee asked that question coz, not that we are in recovery yet or anything, but my H knows that I won't even stay in this town if he keeps working with the pirahna!!!!! (I do like dragon lady though)<P>How are you handling this??? Do you say anything??? does your H shrug this off???/<P>Since I met the pirahna I have gently said things about the kind of person she is...manipulating....I kindof rolled my eyes when she would ingratiate herself...coming in after complaining of being up all night with a sick kid or having a 104 fever herself....and still dragging herself in.....the "show" must go on kind of stuff.<P><BR>And it still happened!!!!! I still don't know WHAT all has happened. But thankfully, through my H's counselor he admits it's an affair.....(inappropriate relationship with someone other than spouse!!!!)<P>My H moved out (I actuallyhad to ask him to leave) 3 months ago....we are going to our first joint counseling session this week....but I won't want to work on our relaitonship while she is in the pix at all...friend....workmate....<P>By the way...what'swith the dragon lady....she has a kid...is she married??? Have you talked to her????about this friendship...<P>I'm sorry you have to face her at the picnic. I had to go to a picnic prior to the trip they took together. I was still assuming H was who he said he was...our life was what I thought it was....OP avoided me. Now I know why...she had her attack plan ready for their trip.!!!!!

Lacee:<P>You know, often when there are rumors, it doesn't mean there's an affair, but it sure means something ain't right.<P>11 years ago, when my H was in a serious depression and I had a strong attraction/flirtation with a -- you guessed it -- co-worker, even our BOSS asked: "What's going on with you two?"<P>That was the cue I needed that the situation was getting out of hand and I had to leave the job.<P>If this is still an issue in your life, be sure you plan A like crazy. There's not much else you can do.<P>TooTrusting:<P>How am I handling it? Pretty well, actually. I'm trying to look at DAY TO DAY behaviors. H is home...always. He didn't go running to her while my folks were visiting. She hasn't called in 3 months. I'm trying to keep it in perspective, because if I don't, I'll go nuts. <P>Dragon Lady is 41 and not married. The story of her kid varies. According to some accounts, he's a turkey baster baby. According to others, she had a "friend" with whom she made an agreement to provide sperm and nothing else. No name appears under "father" on his B.C. No, he is not my H's; for she had the kid before they met. She seems to "collect" other women's husbands as friends. Safe, I suppose...no commitment necessary.<P>If you read my profile, you can see the history of all this. And yes, my H just shrugs it off. I keep hoping she'll just go away, but she doesn't seem to.<P>Fortunately, there'd be no reason for him to go on a business trip with her.<BR>