Today really is not going good. I feel very emotional and seem to be grasping at anything to keep me from crying.<P>I am now waiting to go to the pyschological evaluation on June 5th.<P>I am already scared....and feel that it will be a waste of money and time. My stbx is such a good liar......I don't think I can be honest and be believed. Everything he has done to me and the girls is so incredible....so hurtful...that it is hard to stomach...let alone believe.<P>My life has crumbled....and everytime I try to rebuild...he just comes back full force. <P>Nancy

Please hang in there.... Go with confidence.... you have to shake this off and be able to look them straight in the eyes and tell then what is happening...<BR>For your girls safety.... you have to be strong....<P>Good luck to you....

Dear Mental,<P>I don't know if this will help you, but I just wanted you to know I have been following your story, and I want to thank you.<P>You have helped so many of us know just what these WS are capable of, and I have kept your story and posts in my mind several times when I have spoken with my H. I will give him nothing to use against me because of you Mental, and that is so empowering.<P>I feel like in the long run they will see that you are the one that is supposed to have your children. The system sucks, but the truth will come out someday, somehow. Can we here at MB help? Can we write letters on your behalf? I know it's awfully hard to really get to know a person over a computer, but ANYONE here that has ever read your posts and replies knows that you are good and sane and should have those kids.<P>Find that place in your heart and head that tells you to keep fighting. Go in there with your head high. You have done nothing to deserve this. Fall apart in your car after the hearing, but stay strong while there. Good luck Mental, and fight!

You would be surprised at how many times they get it right. I don't know how it works in your neck of the woods, but make sure you get someone who is experienced in these things. There is actually a professional association for people who do custody evaluations. I will try to track down the name and post it.<P>In many juridictions, you can choose the evaluator. Try to do this. Not to get one that is biased towards you, but someone who has experience.<P>I told my wife right off that I would not ask for a custody eval. But I would have had she gotten primary custody. She has a lot of bad stuff in her past that could probably get her only supervised visitation. But I could not do that to her.<P>Someone posted a phrase on one of the other divorce boards. "Pray for peace, but prepare for war." Get statements if you can from people who witness his bizarre behavior. You see, in the courtroom, they don't really care about what you do to each other. All they care about is the "best interests of the children."<P>But in the custody evaluation, all is fair game. They look at character, previous mental illness, drugs, and all kinds of other stuff. Bring in everything you can that is truthful. Show what kind of person he really is.<P>You will probably be asked to take the MMPI. This test is very hard to fake. There is a bit of controversy whether it should be used for CE, but that is what we have to live with. The test consists of about 500 true false questions. Answer them truthfully. Don't try to second guess or tell them what you think they want to hear. The questions are cross-referenced to catch this. Just do the best you can.<P>There are some really good articles about the evaluations at the Father's Rights to Custody homepage in the articles section. Go to <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody" TARGET=_blank>www.deltabravo.net/custody</A> and start reading. If you have any questions, post them on the forums and someone will be along to answer soon.<P>Hope this helps<P>Brian

Brian,<BR>I have already been through a custody evaluation....with bad results. She is listed on the internet as someone who does them and is well recognized...she is also someone who lost custody of her children due to perjury on the stand in her own divorce.<P>She was sly and took to my stbx. She actually commented on his looks. She gave a physical description of him.......but not of me or the girls. <P>She was a great twister of statements and only heard what she wanted.<P>I took the MMPI 2.....I was elavated slightly in one group. All the rest came out fine. I was defined as a "meany"...and a person who keeps all her anger inside and never shows it....yet my stbx describes as a person who was always angry and had the knack to calm down in an instant. <P>She read my diaries from 20 years ago and saw me as person with "idealizations" of the female traits......and that I took them too seriously....yet my stbx said I never cooked , cleaned,or took care of the children. <P>I was rooked......she had something going with him...described him to ME as an angry man who couldn't control his temper and was too worried about himself and money.<P>But never put that in the report. He screamed at her.....in front of the children...screamed at the receptionist and also called her at her home and told her off.......<P>She said he deserves custody<P><BR>Nancy

Sorry about that. i didn't know. People like that are what give my profession a bad name (I'm a social worker).<P>Any chance that you can challenge? I don't know. I don't do this stuff for a living.<P>All is not lost. Maybe the psych evaluaotr will see through him.<P>I hope so.<P>Good Luck. I'll be thinking of you.<P>Brian

Lacee,<P>Thank you for the boost of confidence.....I hope this new one sees through him.....it has not happened yet...but you never know.<P>Allison,<P>Thank you.....I am so glad to hear that maybe my story has helped just one person....somehow. I fell into his"trap", his "plan" and I followed it for a few months. That is the hardest part....to know that I did that...to think that I loved him so much that I thought something would bring back my "old" Kenny. He was so good at "baiting" me and I fell hook, line and sinker. I thought that if I didn't respond...didn't call him back, that he would think that I didn't care or love him anymore. Boy was I stupid.<P>The funny thing is that he would emotionally and verbally abuse me and I couldn't wait to hear from him again. After hearing those nasty words for about a year....prior to him leaving......I was so "beaten down" that I thought I deserved that kind of treatment and thought I would not or could not survive without him. <P>Boy is that ever wrong. I HAVE survived without him...I have survived a calculated scheme that him and the OW pulled on me to have me arrested and I have survived not seeing or being able to talk to my children for 44 days.<P>I did not go crazy.....I did not attempt suicide .....I did not do anything stupid.....during the time (44 days). <P>The stupid thing I did do was attempt suicide a month and a half after discovery. All the verbal, emotional and physical abuse that I endured still lives with me to this day.<P>Some days I can't help but cry....and wonder why God has allowed me to feel so much humiliation...so much pain....so much devistation. I'm not so sure it has made me any stronger....just different.<P>I hope no one ever falls into what I have.....I hope everyone realizes that life is so special and that suicide is NOT the answer. That abuse....any abuse is a horrible thing for anyone to have to endure...<P>But most of all...I hope...someday....my stbx reaps what he sews....and that all the pain and suffering he has intentionally inflicted on "our" precious children comes back to him.<P>I hope that didn't sound bitter......Hell I don't care if it did.<P>Nancy

I work at Wal-Mart and it has been so hard and painful watching all the fathers bringing their children in to buy "mommy" something.<P>I had to give the girls money to buy me something. My stbx can't even appreciate me for giving him the 2 things that should be the most important things in his life. I refuse to be that way. I will give them money for Fathers Day and I even went out of my way for his Birthday last year.<P>When he had them last week-end they wanted to get me something. They each had 2 dollars ( I always give them a couple dollars just in case) They found some annuals...but they could only get me 2 plants.....he refused to give them any money. Said mom has all of "my" money....but boy I am sure his "new" teeth looked wonderful saying that to them.<P>Nancy

i have only a small picture of your story, but im scared to death im in the same boat. no matter what i say or do, H has told me I look like the crazy one, and that he has it taped where i threatened to kill myself and the baby (the first one, when he was tiny...i did not want him to live without a mommy...you know how it goes) anyway, he is always so damned smooth, and looks so good, and knows when to keep his mouth shut, my life has been sheer hell. all i ever got angry for was to get his attention, and now he thinks im this horrible, angry person. im not, and i would never hurt my kids, but now i have this arrest under my belt, and he told me he told them i was no danger and should be let off, but i don't know what he really told them. he threatened to kill me so many times that that was why i finally snapped and started whacking him. i felt i had nothing to lose, no matter what, he told me he would get the kids, and he thinks my being on antideps is cause to take my babies from me, and he just sounds so believable.<BR>but dammit, he's the one who's nuts! im the parent who has been with them 24/7 since birth, while he spent many a weekend with OW, and telling me i was crazy for saying so. it is just maddening and crazymaking, and now i HAVE to be strong. I have to show them in court tomorrow that it was a freak thing, that i would never hurt my babies, and that i am a great mom and how much i have put up with him. I hope it is easy.<BR>i feel for you, and i wish you luck at your eval. you are NOT crazy, they will see it.

LoveWasBlind,<P>Thank you for understanding. I do not know where you are as far as your marriage is concerned. I have taped many conversations with him and the girls.....just in case.<P>My stbx actually called the jail...to check and see what bail was. The female officer there told me that she thought my husband was going to come bail me out. I laughed and told her that that was imposible...he put me there...with the help of the OW. He called 3 times that night and once in the morning while I was being bailed out. He wanted to know who was bailing me out and for how much. Then he called the person who bailed me out and left them a msg saying a bunch of bad stuff. I did not go home with them...but he thought I was there. The funny thing is....We had mutual restraining orders and protective orders and we were ordered to have no contact with each other....direct or indirect...yet he called them looking for me and also called another friend...2 times asking about me. When my mom came down and we were staying in a hotel....it was almost everyday that he came through the parking lot...looking for me. He scares me.<P>Watch your back...they are smooth and believed and will try and get you to do anything...no matter how small...to prove you are mental.<P>Nancy

I am getting worried.....at work I seemed to cope just fine...every once in a while I feel alittle sadness in my heart...but not too much. Then when I got home....I got so sad. I try to be out of the house as much as possible...but I think just seeing him in court on Thursday has done a trick on me.<P>Now I am thinking about him all of the time. Work...home...in my car...and whenever I get to the store...something reminds me of "good" times.<P>Then it didn't help when my friend, that works with him, tells me that on Friday at work, he said that he had to go out late Thursday night (after court) and drive around. It seems he couldn't sleep and used "stress" as the reason. She told me he seemed so sad...but also angry.<P>This is still confusing me.<P>Nancy

HI Nancy,<BR> I'm sorry you had a bad couple of days. I'm praying for you guys!! \YOU SAID:<BR>"Then when I got home....I got so sad. I try to be out of the house as much as possible...<BR> I was the same way. I TOTALLY re-did the place. Moved ALL the furniture around, did a little painting (cheap to do) even changed a room COMPLETELY with another. I picked up little things like....pictures for the wall, throw pillows and so on. I've NEVE done any of this BUT it helped a LOT. Less to REMEMBER about the BAD that happened here.<BR> You deserve those kids and WILL get them. But I have a feeling your H is craking a little anyway!! I'm praying you get it ALL!! GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<BR><P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Woman, I worry about you. The man is Psycho and you and your girls are better off with out him... <P>Whenever you start missing him, remember this monster he has turned into. He is not the same person you loved...<P>Direct your energy somewhere else... your girls... or like PLEASE HELP said... work on the house... change it to suit YOU... or work on yourself... <P>Exercising always helps me release stress... long walks or bike riding... besides it helps you feel good about yourself and you need to feel good about yourself.... especially now....<P>I am praying for you that they see through his act... I don't think he is sad as much as he is angry... and vendictive... be careful....<P>Hang in there...

Lacee,<BR>Don't worry about me if you think I am waiting for him to come home...I am not. Even though my heart still hurts...I know it is because of everything he just keeps doing. If he would have stopped...or for that matter never started...I would be a lot better.<P>I think that most of it had to do with seeing him on Thursday. And also...not to be crude...that monthly visitor...<P>I am fine. really I am. I am scared...but fine.<P>I do not have much money to be doing some things to the home...besides...he is trying to get it so I think painting it would be helpful to him. I am so over being helpful to him.<P>Thanks for your concern.....sometimes I forget about myself when dealing with the girls pain.<P>Nancy