I ended an affair with a co-worker 2 months ago. It had lasted 10 months. I miss him terribly. Every weekend when I am with my husband I am so happy and feel good about our relationship. When I get to work on Monday and see my ex-lover I get very sad and cannot concentrate on my work. I am so afraid that I will give in to temptation and be with this man again because I miss him so much. I love my husband and want things to work with him. Should I look for another job? I am so scared that this emotional roller coaster will never end!

Irishredcol:<P>If there is any way you can get another job (transfer to another department or get a completely new job) do so immediately!<P>Until you can leave (and if you can leave before you find another job, I'd suggest you do that) call your husband every chance you get. Or e-mail him, or write to him--keep him in your mind and try to push away thoughts of the other man!<P>I am glad you are here. I hope that this place helps you to find the strength you need to get through this.<P>All the best--HBC

I make too much money to quit my job. I am the bread winner and have to continue to work. My husband doesn't know about the all about the affair. I am in a different department already from this man at work but I see him almost daily. Can I just try and avoid him or eventually will things happen again? <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HurtButCoping:<BR><B>Irishredcol:<P>If there is any way you can get another job (transfer to another department or get a completely new job) do so immediately!<P>Until you can leave (and if you can leave before you find another job, I'd suggest you do that) call your husband every chance you get. Or e-mail him, or write to him--keep him in your mind and try to push away thoughts of the other man!<P>I am glad you are here. I hope that this place helps you to find the strength you need to get through this.<P>All the best--HBC</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Does your husband know about things? If so tell him that you want to get a fresh start at another job and I am sure he would be willing to tighten the belt for a few months while you get another job. You would be surprise at how much he will bend over backwards to get your attention/concentration back on him.

My husband thinks that I had feelings for a friend at work but that nothing happened between us. He wanted to know who, but I wouldn't tell him for fear of what he would do. He demanded that I have no contact with this person at work but my job is very social and I spend a lot of time with people that I work with. I told him that I told this man we could no longer be friends. We speak to each other about once a week. That's all. We recently bought a new house and would not be able to afford it If I quit. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by thenewbie:<BR><B>Does your husband know about things? If so tell him that you want to get a fresh start at another job and I am sure he would be willing to tighten the belt for a few months while you get another job. You would be surprise at how much he will bend over backwards to get your attention/concentration back on him.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

It sounds like trying to avoid him isn't really working for you. <P>You say your husband doesn't know all about the affair. Does he kind of know? He might be willing to make some sacrifices as The Newbie said.<P>Did you write OM a goodbye letter? That might help. You need to burn bridges with him.<P>Could you take a long vacation or work on another project for a while so you don't see him? You need to break the cycle. You need to do something so your H has the chance to meet your emotional needs.<P>Good luck to you! I'm pulling for you to beat this! --HBC

It looks like we posted at the same time...<P>Get out the want ads and put together your resume. It would be best for you to find something else.<P>Is there any real need for you to speak to OM once a week? Could you communicate via a group e-mail or memo or something?<P>You need to BREAK contact with him, not ease off!<P>Good luck! You can do it!!

We had a lunch two months ago to end things because many people at work started to find out and it got very dangerous. He was adamant that things needed to end because he was afraid that his wife was going to find out. We have "ended things" on 4 or so occassions. One of us always gives in and calls. This is the longest we have gone by far but we have been talking every week now and it is worrying me. I still have the desire to be with him and I can't understand why. I have an amazing husband! I think he knows deep down that I was having an affair but doesn't want to know. I told him that I kissed someone last Summer. That alone had him practically wanting to leave me. He would leave for sure If he knew the whole story.<BR>Thanks so much for listening! <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HurtButCoping:<BR><B>It sounds like trying to avoid him isn't really working for you. <P>You say your husband doesn't know all about the affair. Does he kind of know? He might be willing to make some sacrifices as The Newbie said.<P>Did you write OM a goodbye letter? That might help. You need to burn bridges with him.<P>Could you take a long vacation or work on another project for a while so you don't see him? You need to break the cycle. You need to do something so your H has the chance to meet your emotional needs.<P>Good luck to you! I'm pulling for you to beat this! --HBC</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Read all the info you can about affairs. Everything I have read indicates they are a type of addiction. Think of your recovery from this as a twelve step program...<P>Remember, no one ever asks an alcoholic if she would just like a beer...This is all or nothing.<P>Good luck!<P>Anyone else have sage words? --HBC

Where is everyone? --HBC

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