First see <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002935.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002935.html</A> if you haven't already seen it to get the start of this thing.<P>Ok this woman who came up and was talking to mike in the parking lot last night called my house !<P>Lucky for me son was home and answered the phone. I was laying down. Anyway now what do I do if she calls back ? <P>I don't know what to say to her, should I say Look I am afraid that you could be a danger to my marriage ? <P>I feel like such a hypocrit saying I'm a Christian and not wanting to have anything to do with her because she and Mike <B> might </B> get involved. <P>Guys I'm in a real fix now. I am at war with myself. I actually find myself wanting to cry. What do I do ?<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A> <P>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited May 15, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited May 16, 2000).]

Deb, you probably should trust your instincts here no matter what you feel. Give her the assistance you would give most strangers in this situation -- refer her to people who can help. <P>My H is a professional "knight in shinning armour" and the worst judge of character I have ever seen and a sucker for a woman in trouble. One woman he tried to help got a bunch of credit cards in his name and charged them all to the limit. <P>Some women live their lives at the mercy of one man or the other and are always on the make for another man to take care of them. So trust how you feel and don't feel quilty about it. <P>Take care.<P><BR>

Lord, I just pray that you give Deb wisdom, and discernment over this situation. Help her to know when she is acting in fear, or if she is experiencing the gift of discernment, and help her to know exactly what to do.IJN-Amen<P>Deb- It seems to me that it would not do you any harm to find some resources for this person and a support group. Can you refer her to a church/pastor? Kinda like a hot potato - got to pass it on as fast as you can.<P>TNT

this reminds me of crazy or what?'s story...yep, ya gotta pass that woman along...<BR>just be calm and take care of yourself, deb, ok?

Yep.... give her some names to call who can help her (Tell her they should be able to help her OR direct her to someone who can... that's all you can do) wish her good luck and send her on her way.... <P><BR>

Hi Deb:<P>You seem to think that you must sacridice yourself and endanger your marriage to give a stranger solace, and feel threatened to boot.<P>You can be charitable and kind by referring her to a pastor or to a crisis center and wish her well. It is not required of you to walk this mine field dodging the red flags you instinctively see and must avoid. <P>I agree, pass it on as if it were a hot potato and stop feeling guilty because you are so kind and sensitive and good, perhaps to a fault, where others needs supersede your own. I think it's important we take care of one and other as Jesus taught us --to feed the hungry and clothe the naked. But He also encouraged personal responsibility.<P>Do what you can to give an immediate quick fix and give her a boost forward. Then detach and be busy with yourself and Mike and your marriage. And take care of your health. <BR>You have so many devastating issues to contend with. You do not need the added burden of a possible threat to your marriage. You do not need another high-maintenance situation in your life with all that is going on with you now.<P>Some people will mistake your kindness for a weakness and take advantage of a situation. Being firm but loving works wonders and you are not compromising your charitability by forcing her to move on.<P>Stay strong. Be kind and loving but FIRM. Jesus does not want you to or expect you to sacrifice yourself and your marirage for something that could have disasterous consequences i.e., letting someone or something into your life that could damage your marriage. <P>All the best<P>Catnip =^^=<P>

Deb, hope I'm not too off the wall on this one, but I think I would ask her what it is she wants from you (in a polite way of course). If she asks for your h, then that would tell me she was looking for trouble, but if she lets YOU help her, then I'd do what the others have suggested, give her friendly advice, some direction, and I personally would have my phone number changed! Good Luck!<BR>

Wow! I can't believe she actually called - but I would agree with the sggestions... <P>This is exactly something my husband would do - he is forever saveing some poor female soul - or so he thinks. <P>I think you should refer her to someone that can help her - in fact - rather then worrying about her calling back - did you get her number - I am a pretty bold person, but have learned to deal with anxious situations quickly. I couldn't stand the 'waiting' to see if she would call back, the stress would be more then I want in my life at this point - things are hard enough - I would call her with a list of referrals, tell her you are sure one of these sources will be able to help her through this and then wish her the best. <P>I would take control of this one before it had a chance to go any further. <P>Helping her is the Christian thing to do - i am a Christian and would want to help in some way, but you shouldn't have to risk this situation - you know your husband best. <P>Good luck -

Gack. Just when you think it is safe to go back into the water...or as Gilda Radner as Rosanna Rosanna Dann said, "it's always something".<P>She isn't your responsibility and there are agencies specifically for this woman's practical needs. I think a woman who would call a man she met in a parking lot is nuts. Be careful, be wary. But don't stress out...

I've got a knight in shining armour too! Pretty scary sometimes. Refer this woman quickly to others,then change your phone number!

Thank you all for your input and for the prayers too, I can use all those I can get !<P>See you guys have never seen Mike, he's 6 foot tall, about 220, hair half-way down his back, a big bushy beard, definetly not the type (going on just looks) I personally would walk up to at night in a parking lot and tell my life story to if I didn't know him. Heck one of our sons friends told son "Your dad looks like a serial killer, only he's nicer " I have actually seen a woman freak out and speed out of a parking lot in broad open day light when he approached her to try and tell her she had left her gas cap off as she was going to start through a car wash.<BR>Makes me wonder about this lady.<P>I e-mailed my aunt about this mess (Auntie Pooh) she is a very wise woman and a Christian. She seems to agree with y'all.<P>I did have her number I made Mike give it to me, she had handed it to him. Somehow it got flushed down the toilet. <P>What I will do if she calls back is refer he to a church I know of, and tell her to call legal aid, MAYBE tell her about MB if her h has left for another woman.<P>Other than that and praying I'm staying out of this, it feels too odd to me.<P>Mike and I did have a talk about, yes calmly this time. , he admitted it was thoughtless for him not to talk to me before giving out our info like that. But he still pushed me about becoming he friend, I told him I don't want to and I won't either. I just don't see why he's so darned adamit about it. I don't want this woman in my life. Who knows what will come up next.<P>Now I have to make dinner, thank you all again.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's just trial and trial after trial, isn't it. I'll be praying for you too Deb. <P>In trying to decide, think of "What Would Jesus Do". I think I would have a long conversation with God about it, and do as you did, discuss my feelings about it with my husband. I do agree with the others that it would be good to refer her to agencies, etc. that can help her. Let her see Jesus shining through your eyes. <P>God bless,<BR>AW

Deb, If you two aren't in counseling, I strongly recommend it. We've just gone back and when the male, Christian counselor tells Guard that I have a legitimate point, it seems to make a difference. Otherwise, he seems to think my point is invalid or maybe that I'm trying to punish him. And when that is exactly what I'm doing, the counselor calls ME on it. Communication for males/females 101.

AW, that is a big part of my problem, I have asked myself what Jesus would do, and I just don't meet the standard. And that is the worst part.<P>Lor,<P>counseling is out for right now, can't afford it. As soon as I find a church I am comfortable in full time I may try for counseling that way.<P>We seem to be ok for now. Does this insecurity and fear ever end ? I mean really , it's been almost 2 full years. We have come a long way, but I can see we still have a long way to go.<P><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Hi Deb -<P>LOLOLOL!! Even when you are insecure and afraid, you can make me laugh!!!<BR>"Flushed down the toilet" hahahaha!!!<P>I am glad that you have a plan ready on what to do if she calls again. That should eliminate that part of this equation and I must tell you that you are being very "Christlike" with just the agonizing over what the right thing to do is, let alone giving her the resources that you have in mind.<P>Insecurity and fear.....hmmm? I wonder what is motivating Mike that he is so adament about this "friend" thing that he seems to have.......Is there some sort of insecurity going on within himself that the more "friends" he has in life, the better he feels or something. I think that would be interesting for him to explore....<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>PS - Hey Mike, I am your friend!! AND Deb's too!!!!

Deb,<P>Passing her onto someone else that can help is not failing as a Christian. Do you stop and pick up everybody you see that is broken down or is hitchhiking? Of course not, you take your safety into consideration. You need to take your marriage into consideration in this case too.<P>If she keeps calling, maybe inform her that you and Mike are having marriage problems and don't need any distractions and that you would be glad to give her names and numbers of people who can help.<P>I am available to help needy woman!<P>Bob

There you go, Deb......<P>Just give her Bob's number!!!! <P>LOLOLOLOL!!! <P>She sounds like just what you need RWD!!!!! NOT!!!<P>Big hugs,<P>Sheba<BR>

Bob,<P>::Big shudder::<P>Well I don't know quite how to tell you this, but Mike met ow # 1 when he picked her up hitch hiking.<P>Then there was the time I was 5 months pregnat with son when Mike found a guy beating up a telephone pole, when he ( Mike ) was on his way to work. He stoped and talked to the guy, supposedly this fellow had found his wife/gf in bed with another man. What did my knight in shining armor do ? He brought the guy home and left him there with me alone while he went on to work.<BR>Sucker sayed for 2 or 3 months.<P>::whispered aside to Sheba:: so what is Bob's number ? <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!<P>::whispered to Deb...I don't know - hold on a sec.<P>Hey RWD - did you set up that "Needy Woman's Hotline" yet? <P>:: back with Deb - let's see what he says!!!! Maybe Mike can start making money out of this habit of his - you know, like a referral service to Bob's hotline profits!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!<P>I love you guys......<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

Sheba,<P>Bob will have to sign a release saying I am not responsible for damage done by the flakes, err, helpless women first !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>