(My apologies, as a "newbie" I posted this in the wrong section. I meant that this should be in the Divorcing/Divorced area)<BR>It feels rather strange that my first post on the Marriage Builders site would be in this section. But unfortunately, this is where I seem to have landed. <P>My background, as brief as I can make it. I have been married for 11 years. However, the last 5 of them we have been separated. We have tried numerous times at reconciliation, but it hasn't worked. My stbx had an EA which lead to our seperation. For most of this time we have remained friends. When the first EA burned itself out we tried to reconcile but we did not have the tools to work through it. Then he started another relationship with someone at work. This was a EA/PA. The sad thing is that we all work in the same building. He soon saw that this new romance was not what he wanted and ended it. Although we had been separated for 2 yrs by then I was not interested in anyone else, yet I wasn't sitting at home waiting for him to return either. Again after this new PA ended we tried at reconciliation. There have been other women in his life and other tries at reconciliation in the 5 yrs, but I won't bore you with all that. Then last year I became involved with someone who started as a good friend then progressed to more. I now became the betrayer. Which is really what brought me to this site. <BR>I ended this relationship because I felt that I needed to be completely free to give myself to someone else. <BR>My H and I were still on very good terms but more like brother and sister. We do not have any children. Which was a problem, since I very much would like a family and H does not. Anyway, this last Monday was the last straw. I knew that we needed to move on seperately, that he would only ever see me as an authority figure and never a partner. This saddens me greatly. But it did give me the resolve to make an appointment to meet with a lawyer. Which I did yesterday. <P>I have actually been lurking here since November of 99. I'm the shy type and I find it hard to just jump right in. But tonight I feel the need to do just that. I feel as if I know some of you so very well, and it seems as if you should just know me too. <BR>Another reason for my post tonight is that I wanted to especially thank New Beginnings/Sheryl I have found myself mirrored in your posts. And after reading a recent threat where she was asked to only listen I felt personally hurt. But I do understand that everyone is going through so many different stages. <P>I feel that even though I no longer have a marriage that can be salvaged, I now have the knowledge and the strength to be a better partner to someone someday, God Willing. This site and most of the principles have given me hope.<P>My thanks and blessing to everyone here. <p>[This message has been edited by AStrongerMe (edited May 18, 2000).]

Wow, I am so sorry you have been going through all of this for so long.<P>I think at this point it is best for you to take care of yourself and find out what you want in life.<P>Your H seems to have a problem figuring out what(who) will make him happy......\<P>Don't feel alone, my H does too!!!! <P>I'm sure others will come along and offer some advice...As for me...I think you move ahead........

I'm sorry that you have been going through this for such a long time. Your pain is very much appreciated by me.....it hurts and really sucks. <P>I hope that you find happiness somewhere with someone.....I don't know if you still have hope for the two of you.....but I am hoping that your words of wisdom can help someone else here.<P>Thank you<P>Nancy

Tootrusting and Mental, Thanks for the replys. I do feel badly that this message was posted here. I know that this site is here to promote marriage. I don't feel good about getting a divorce, but I think I've given the marriage every shot I could.<P>I appreciate your kind words and your understanding. <P>My thoughts and prayers are with you both.