This evening, my H told me that another friend/co-worker knows about the affair. In fact, his friend has known since last year.<P>I didn't think anyone (other than whom I told) knew, and the ones that I told, have been very descreet and respectful of not gossipping about it....I would see my H's friend but now I know he knows of this affair. He found out because another co-worker of my H's saw my H & OW coming out of her house. The co-worker told my H's friend and then my H's friend informed my H that he knew my H was in an affair.<P>It makes me feel sick, stupid & foolish for even staying with my former-cheating H.<P>How am I supposed to face people without feeling like the pathetic betrayed wife? It's no wonder that I've turned into a recluse.<P>I feel like I haven't had closure. It's been past a year and I still feel lousy. You know....maybe that's why I haven't had closure....because I'm so damn paranoid!<P>Sorry for the rambling. I'm so mixed up that I don't even know what I'm talking about.<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited May 21, 2000).]

NoTrust...<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NoTrust}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}},<P>Your are <B>NOT</B> a fool... or idiot... or pathetic!<P>You are a wonderful gift to God and to all you touch.<P>Keep reaching out to us.<P>You can't change the past... but boy... you can make the future so much better!<P>Treat yourself better... please do get some sleep! Say a goodnight prayer... the best way to end and start a day... <P><B>You too are loved</B>...<P> <P>Jim

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NoTrust:<BR>[B]How am I supposed to face people without feeling like the pathetic betrayed wife? It's no wonder that I've turned into a recluse.<BR>[B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know that feeling. My H assured me that no one knew. He wouldn't disgrace me like that. He was discreet. Well, he wasn't. He was brazen! Everybody knew! I mean everybody!<P>I wanted to crawl under a rock.<P>He assured me that it wasn't me that looked like a fool, but him. Logically of course, that is true, but still we feel that we are the ones being pitied and laughed at.<P>I think the only thing that can change in this circumstance is for you to reject the identity of "betrayed wife" and embrace something more positive. I tried with my H. I really did. I loved him and opened my heart to him, and he just kept lying. Eventually I came to realize that he really is the pitiful one. What is he doing to himself? <P>Now, I don't feel victimized any more. His behaviour is obvious to everyone just as mine has been. People will always think what they want to. Can't stop that. I'm not feeling sorry for myself anymore and have nothing to prove over these slutty women. <P>If judgements are made, they can judge him and the OWs as whores, and if they want to think otherwise, I don't really care anyway.

NoTrust,<P>You are neither stupid or foolish. You are a woman who loves a man who messed up big time.<P>How do you face people ? With your head held high! You didn't do anything wrong ! All of our friends and family know what Mike did both times, it would have been hard to hide the first time since he lived with her for a year and a half. <P>And the last time well I told some people and they told some people and so on, besides you know me, I am a very open person most of the time.<P>So do not feel bad, what do you have to feel bad about anyway ?<P>That you love your h, despite what he chose to do ? <P>That you meant it when you said for better or for worse ?<P>That you were woman enough to try again after your heart had been ripped apart ?<P>Believe me, 99% of the people who know will think he was an idiot and very lucky to have you !<P>And the rest, well the rest aren't your problem now are they ?<P>You hold your head up and if anyone mentions this to you don't deny what was, but let it be known that what happened is in the past and that you love your h and have high hopes for your future together. <P>Besides, this may give someone you know who doesn't have MB and who is hurting hope.<P>Now I want to see that nose scraping some cloud ! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

NoTrust,<P>I too felt like I would be shunned by our friends and neighbors when they learned of our separation (hard to hide this). While few know of my W's affair, many know that I have moved out. Without complete knowledge, I feared that they would think I have done something wrong to warrant leaving (or being thrown out). I do not know what my wife has told them but everytime I try to tell someone they tell me that they already know we're having problems. I have decided not to reveal the affair myself for a number of reasons that I will list if anybody wants to know in a different thread.<P>Well, a strange and wonderful thing has happened. I have not be shunned. In fact, I have several of them calling me and wanting to get together. I have spent more time with some of them in the past few weeks than I have in the past few months. All have offered their support in whatever way I feel I need it. I realize that I may have underestimated the depth of my friendships and now seek them out for enjoyable activities (not just a shoulder to cry on). The outpouring of support from all of our friends is truly touching and tells me that I will be fine when this is over (and I hope still married ).<P>Don't underestimate yourself or your friends. You should seek them out for support but try not to focus exclusively on your marriage. Do some fun things with them. A good friend will not pry but will listen if you want to talk about it. As long as you don't act like a victim, you'll not likely get treated like one. He is the one who should feel shame, not you.<P>

No Trust,<P>Mayvbe I can rub a little of my "who cares what they think" attitude off on you :-)<P>I mean really. Do you care what others think about you in this situation? Let them borrow your shoes and walk in them and we will all sit back and judge them.<P>It truly doesn't make a diff what they think. I was blind to all that happened to me and yet if I want to tell someone I tell them. At least they get the truth from me!!<P>Hold you head high!!

NSR, Popeye, Deb, Gonnatry & Fallen Angel: Thank you! Thank you for your support. Your replies made me feel better. I guess these feelings are just part of the process? and that they are normal? You've helped to bring me back to reality again. If others know or find out, "Oh well.....I should hold my head up high and disregard anything negative that anyone thinks about me. They don't know my real life anyway, right?"<P>Hey Deb! My nose is getting close to rubbing that cloud....LOL!