Ok, so today I'm on MB practically all day, reading, posting, thinking I am a wonderful person that is learning this stuff.<P>NOT!!!!!!!!<P>I stop to pay some bills, notice on an old phone bill that H called the OW from our home in December! At that minute the phone rings, of course, it's H. Yep! Blew it! Tried not to say anything, but he knew something was wrong and I told him what I'd just found and how tacky it was that he called her from my phone, in my house, with my children right outside the door. Said it gave this whole thing a whole new disgusting look.<P>Geez, will I never learn? Ok, so what now? Apologize? He continues to say he is sorry this is hurting me so much. I have asked him a dozen times to reassure me that it's over with her and he does, very patiently. He is probably not being completley honest about everything, because when I ask when it ended he says "I don't know". Yeah, right.<P>So the question is...how do you fix a LB? I am guessing the answer is...it can't be done, just be better next time. Should I call and say I had the crazies and he just called at the wrong time? Or just leave it alone?<P>Why does it take me so long to get this stuff? GRRRRRRRRRRRR.<BR>

My MO is to leave it til we see each other in person, then say "you know, I'm sorry about xxx...sometimes this all just gets to me." Just don't make it a big dramatic thing... <P>Works pretty well.

Hey allison, I agree with Kam....I have to do that with my H.....especailly after op's H calls. I don't usually yell, but I get emotional......(sometimes....Ok maybe more than sometimes during some weeks)<P>I usually just apologize in stride....He knows it gets to me..He has admitted to me he knows this is painful to me and that I should be disgusted with him.... (all this while he still WON'T talk about it to me or counselor...and denies it to family!!!!)

allison,<P>I agree with Kam and tootrusting. A simple apology for the outburst is the best thing you can do. I do understand your frustration with your husband's actions.<P>Had to apologize for an LB to my wife on Sunday. Sometimes you just can't help loosing it a bit. My wife saw a therapist a week ago to try and understand why she can't give up the OM. Therapist gave her some suggestions and asked her to discuss the situation with me. I guess I was hoping for a significant breakthrough.<P>After our discussion, nothing really new came up and nothing seemed to be resolved in her mind. I just got frustrated and demanded to know why she didn't seem to be in any particular hurry to schedule another appointment with the therapist. Said she just didn't know what to ask the therapist. I did apologize later in the day, but unfortunately, the damage was already done.<P>You'll see it written here many times......patience and time....... Hopefully, I'll try to remember it too.

Hi Allison,<P>I'm riding with the rest here. Just remember, you ARE entitled to the feelings you had regarding this. I know it's hard to suppress the anger and other negative emotions especially when he called right afterwards.<P>My wife has always been able to sense when I'm angry. When she did something to anger me in the past, I always suppressed it. Now, I try not to "reveal" it so I don't LB, but try to tell her later on when I have settled down a bit. When I do "lose it" I do apologize, not for what I said as much as the way I said it (OK sometimes for what I said too).<P>BTW: You are a wonderful person for being here and doing everything you can to make your situation work.