I just wanted to share this and see what you all thought....here goes.<P>I'm sorry is so easy to write, hard to say, and incredibly painful to feel. Compared to feeling truly sorry, writing it and saying it looks & feels so inadequate.<P>If I had never said I was sorry, and if I do not act as though I'm sorry in everyday life and especially how I treat you, writing this letter would mean nothing. In fact, under tose conditions, a mere letter would infuriate you.<P>In light of all this, I am more than confident of the sorrow I feel, that it shows and I have to continue to tell you I am sorry. So hopefully this letter only reinforces what is continually being expressed. My ultimate goal is to make you know that I am sorry (although I could never fully show you), by the way I live.<P>I'm sorry for so many things...I'm sorry for letting you down. You beleived in m e, I'm sorry for ruining your belief. For taking things that you were sure of , that I made you sure of, and turning them upside down.<P>I'm sorry for killing your good friend. The guy you confided in. The man you could go and talk to about something that upset you. The one you would call on when no one else would do. The one youshared yourself with. The one you were a freind to. The one you talked to for hours and hours when you were single, the one you belived enough in to walk down that aisle. "I'm sorry" doesn;t come close to how I feel for changing "I do" to "I didn't". i'll be shedding tears in my grave that only God will see.<P>I know this because my sorrow has buried me six feet in a casket made of regret, in a box where light and air is no more. A prisioner of the past. And everyday I am there now, And God sees the tears. And everytime I take a peak out above the ground, I see a tombstone with your name on it. And the only thing worse than being where I am is knowing where you are and knowing that I put you there. <P>I am sorry that I separted you from your friend, the one who loved you, was commited and dedicated to you. The one you were commited to and dedicated to. The one you stayed faithful to.<P>I'm sorry the person who cared for me, the person I love, I hurt more than anyone I've ever hurt in the world. I'm sorry for every time during the day and night you think about what I've done. I'm sorry for every tear you shed because your husband cheated on you, had sexual relations with other people. I'm sorry that I decieved you, lied to you, misled you, I'm sorry I was a hypocrite, acting like I was faithful and doing the right things, the honorable things, when I wasn't.<P>I'm so sorry that I took a person out of your heart, who you were so proud of, so appreciative of the way you thought he handled your illness. I'm sorry I crushed all the good feelings you had. I hate the fact I crushed all the warm feelings you enjoyed, the good and conforting thoughts you had.<P>I"m sorry I replaced the one you trusted with someone you no longer want to trust. I'm sorry I blindsided you with awful and shocking news that the person you thought would always uphold you in the tough times, kicked you when you were down. No matter what I now say and do, you know I let you down in the worst possible way. I'm sorry that there are no words to soothe your pain, no magic wand to change the past.<P>I'm sorry for the humiliation I've caused you. I'm sorry that you ever have any thoughts at all that you are inadequate. I hate that. I know they are very painful thoughts for you to have. I'm sorry that your friend treated you like an eenemy. <P>I'm sorry for every second I pursued another women. I'm sorry for every second I flirted. I'm sorry for every second I was with them. I'm sorry for every second I touched them. I'm sorry for every second I plotted to be with them. I'm sorry for every second I allowed myself to be even around them, I'm sorry I ever met them. I'm sorry that I ever looked at them or spoke to them. I'm sorry I ever gave any hint or suggestion that I was interested in anyone or anything other than you. I'm sorry that you live with the knowledge that I did every one of these things. I'm sorry I violated the trust you had in me regarding these things. <P>I'm sorry I took my body and mind and put myself in a sexual sewer. I'm sorry that I had inappropriate and destructive realationships with other people who were somebody's daughter, mom, finance, wife,friend,sister,aunt,neighbor,cousin.<P>I'm sorry that I allowed other women to have inappropriate and destructive relationships with your husband, our kids dad, my parents son, my brothers and sisters brother, my aunt's nephew, my neices uncle, our neighbor's neighbor,( he names them by name) a hockey and baseball team's coach, a whole bunch of young people's former youth pastor and a churchful of people's former assistant pastor, your parent's son-in-law your brothers brother-in-law , with someone who was many peoples friend, christian brother and neighbor.<P>I'm sorry you had to see a moron, a loser, an idiot throw away his life, break all his dreams, ruin his wifes life and break all her dreams, disgrace his family, disgrace his wife, disgrace his kids.<P>I'm sorry I destroyed the fact we were faithful to one another, destroyed the specialness you felt making love to your husband. I hate all those things so much. I'm sorry that you have to feel pain for all these things when you know it's not fair. I'm sorry for all the injustice you've incurred.<P>I'm sorry that I dug a hole and put you in it and took away your light and air. I'm sorry that I at least temporiraly ruined our lives, your life. I'm sorry that I let our daughter down so bad. I'm sorry for all the ways this has affected her. I'm sorry she has a dad who is such a terrible, awful, rotten man. I'm sorry that I'm not the dad she deserves and never could be. I'm sorry she thought she had a great dad, that her mommy had a great husband. I'm sorry I can no longer tell her to marry a man like her dad. I can never say those words to her again, ever. I'm sorry that when I dance with her to Daddy's little girl, there will be rears of eternal regret falling from her father's eyes down onto her beautiful hair. I'm sorry that's just the way it is and there is nothing I can do to change it.<P>I'm sorry that you will never feel pride about me again. I'm sorry for the doubt you feel in everything I say or do. I'm sorry you dont feel confident or secure in a future. I'm sorry your not enjoying the simple pleasures you normally would, spending time enjoying thing you normally would.<P>I'm sorry you dont look forward to being with your husband. I'm sorry you dont miss him when he isn't home. I'm sorry you dont love him. I'm sorry you don't feel good about him, that your not happy being seen with him. I'm sorry you think you never knew him. <P>I'm sorry for every moment I was angry or cross with you when I was mad and disgusted at myself. I'm sorry fir every moment I didn't repent and turn from my wicked ways. I'm sorry I didn't repent after the first time, the second, etc.<P>Many days I'm sorry I was ever born, because today you would be happier, better off with someone treating you right, taking better care of you, with someone who stuck by you when you were sick, with someone who could give you the things you want, the affection you deserve. <P>I'm sorry for everyday of our lives that I wasn't a better man, that I didn't treat you right, didn't talk to you right, didn't uphold you, support you, lift you up, give you hope, make you know how special you are, every day I didn't somehow inspire you by my deeds to be a better person yourself. I'm sorry for every tim e I've ever hurt you. I'm sorry for not saying the right thing, thinking of you in little ways that would make you happy. I'm sorry for every moment you don't enjoy life because of the misery I've caused. I'm sorry, so sorry, for every moment you've had to feel, hurt, lonely, abandoned, crushed, defeted, lost, helpless, hopless, disgusted, discounted, forgotten, spit on, punched, kicked, laughed at, put down, beat up, broken, cheap, neglected, run over, spun around, disoriented, left out, depressed, sad, tearful, angry, bitter...etc.<P>I'm sorry I borke my vows to you. I'm sorry I didn't do what I promised. I'm sorry I wasn't man enough, wasn't good enough, didn't have character enough, strength enough, courage enough, belief enough, perserverence enough to do the things I said I would. I'm sorry I've failed at being a husband, a father, a man, a human being.<P>I'm sorry I broke God's heart. I'm sorry I hurt people He loves. I'm sorry that I became the man the prophet described to David, who hurt innocent people. I'm sorry I had to hear God say "Thou art the man".<P>I'm sorry I put so much sin between God and myself, between you and myself. I'm sorry I broke the two most important bonds I ever had. I'm sorry that, as a temple of the Holy Spirit, I defilied God's temple, because wherever I go whatever sin I do, God's presence is also brought to that place. I defiled His Word, His Law, I took all that was good and did evil. I'm sorry I showed contempt for the both of you. I'm sorry I brought Him shame.<P>I'm sorry I sinned against you and Him, I'm sorry I didn't repent immediately and completely, I'm sorry that when I finally told you, I didn't say everything, I'm sorry I withheld some things. I'm sorry I put you through the whole process. <P>I'm sorry when I wake up, when I work, when I play, when I eat, when I fast, when I pray, when I laugh, when I cry, when I'm alone, when I'm with you, when I talk, when I am silent. I'm sorry when I run, when I walk, rest, think, meditate, listen, understand, when I don't understand, when I hope, when I fear, when I'm in despair, when I'm uplifted, I am sorry when you do all these things, when you anthing, when you do nothing, I am sorry.<P>I am sorry right now. I will be sorry tommorow and eferyday and night after tommorrow, through sunshine, rain, every season, every year, every moment, every breath, I will always be sorry until God Himslef wipes away every tear. I am sorry that if I run over a mountain, or wim an ocean, I can't change what I've done and what it's done to you. <P>I'm sorry enough to give you my dollar , my only dollar everyday, knowing I don't have a million days. (end of letter)<P>The last sentence is refering to our counseler giving the analogy of him owing me a million dollars and he can only pay me one dollar a day. Wow, quite a letter huh? <BR>

Wow. I wonder how much my husband would like a letter like that. I wonder if he would even believe a letter like that coming from me. Probably not. You are lucky that your H has written something so heartfelt for you.<P>------------------<BR>"I believe... this is heaven to no one else but me - and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence if I choose to would you try to understand?" - Sarah McLachlan

Monen,<BR>I don't know your story, but I assume you were the betrayer...if that's the case a letter may help. It is something you can go back to and re-read, give thought to and somehow, seeing the words have more meaning than saying them, it sort of makes them more permanent. (Maybe we should WRITE vows next time, instead of saying them). In my case, this letter has brought some healing, more probably than I am willing to admit. I have read it a few times recently and I am still so moved. Whatever you say though, don't worry about it being right or wrong, or what he'll believe or not believe, just shoot from the heart and there will be healing for both of you. I would say to give it a try, what could it hurt? Good luck.

Crushed,<P>Frame that letter and keep it ! I mean it. I'm crying and he's not even my h.<P>May I make a suggestion ? Why not write him one back, saying that yes he hurt you, that yes he did thus and thus and so on. <B> BUT </B> that you love him and between the two of you with Gods help you can work it out.<P>I'm am telling you, there isn't a wife on this board who wouldn't give her eye teeth to have a h who felt that much remorse ! Let him know that you won't stand for him doing this again, and that while things will never be what they were between the two of you, they can be better as long as he is sincere.<P>Now I have to go wash my face.<P>This isn't a baby-step, this is a giant leap !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Wow! Just...Wow!<P>I think your H just set the gold standard for apology letters. This must make you feel very much loved.<P>Congratulations- you are now the envy of every betrayed spouse around here. <P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

Okay....I think I can write now....<P>I have not cried like that in a long time. That was truly the mother of all apology letters.....and I would have simply ran into my H arms if I would have received one like that.<P>You are a very lucky person....he does love you....he is remorseful.....<P>The best to both of you....please keep us posted...<P>Nancy

<BR>This man is very very sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to be merciful to him.<P>Slightly Sane<BR>

Crushed,<BR>This guy got it!! He understands. He has crawled into your heart and feels your hurt. Wishing you two the best of luck and a better future. And after 2 1/2 years of recovery, I want you to know, there IS a better future ahead!!

Ok, I'm balling now....

Wow. Your man is a stud.<BR>And Monen, you are unfort. correct on both counts.

wow....envy, envy...<BR>what a man.

That is really something! I didn't know a MAN could even be capable of writing something sooo deeply moving.Ok,not any man,just MY H.LOL I have been in recovery for months and doing pretty well.I soo wish my H would have written something like that to me.Then I would have been CONVINCED that he truly had walked in my shoes. Hang on to this guy! God bless you two and write him back ,like Deb said. He needs the forgiveness just as bad as you needed the remorse!

Crushed....<P>A very touching and sobering letter. <P>How do YOU feel about it? What was YOUR response? Does he know you posted it here?<BR>

Wow.....my heart is so happy for you...he loves you. (What I wouldnt give to hear any of that from my H)<BR>Kris

Thanks guys,<BR>I really needed reassurance, it's good to hear you all felt so moved by this...he was always so eloquent with writing, but I Know this goes way beyond that. The first time read this, we still weren't sleeping in the same bed...he showed me it...I cried all the way through it. Layed down and cried and cried and it was so powerful...he took my hand...and I just lost it. I hugged him and layed next to him both of us crying by now. No words were spoken but you could feel the emotion in the air. He held me and kissed my hair and we made the most powerful love of my life. It really has changed for me that night. I knew then I really did still love him. I started the healing process...opening my heart to the possibility that we could make it.<P>Deb, I will write that letter...I want to do <BR>later today. I have found new strength and desire to leap into his arms and say all the things I am feeling. I feel I can now start the process to forgive him, and you are right...with God's help we will make it.<P>I know he is a broken man over this and I know that he truly loves me....I will tell him tonight that I Love Him Too!!! Something I haven't said for nine months. And I will tell him I am starting to forgive him and am now more willing to start over.<P>I have come to realize that I married a man, who under strenous circumstance made the most terrible mistake of his life. More importantly, he realizes it. I also realize he is truly remorseful, regretful,and repentive. He has acknowledged his mistakes, apologized prefusly and is willing to devote the rest of his life proving to me that I made the right choice in staying with him. What else could I ask of him?<P>He is asking me for a chance for him to become the kind of man God created him to be, and I feel a new found hope. I think I can do that now.<P>I am feeling less Crushed

How about some opinions on whether or not to show this letter to your betrayer? I'm worried that it might be perceived as a LB.

I read your post earlier and had to run, but wanted to reply.<P>I CRIED tears of JOY for you and your husband. Praise God for your husband's repentance, both toward you and Him.<BR>I pray that his heart is forever changed and that your marriage becomes everything you want it to be!!!!!!<P> <BR>

I'm not sure who asked, but I didn't tell him I posted his letter, I thought of it though. We don't have a PC at home (besides the antique one) so I couldn't show it to him, but I think he would be pleased over the responses. I know he was pleased when I wrote him his letter. He was surprised and shocked that I felt so strongly. (I have been hiding those feelings). I really felt the strength to try with him. It sure felt good to let go, and try to focuse on today.<P>To Up from here, I don't understand your question regarding LB? Do you think it would make someone feel attacked? <P>I would be interested to know if anyone did share this letter with their spouses.<P>Thanks again for all your words of encouragement...

<<<I know he is a broken man over this and I know that he truly loves me....I will tell him tonight that I Love Him Too>><P>Oh my Gawd, I love him too. Forgive the poor dumb b@stard, would you??!!<P><BR>

To Crushed, my concern is that my spouse would think a letter was now required to be authored on her part. So instead of showing your letter, I wrote my own letter as was suggested earlier in the thread. It was very well received. I probably would not have done it, if I hadn't read this thread.