Am I crazy? Are they really just friends and he would rather not be married to me than try to deal with me? Am I so bad that I am hopeless?<P> I saw H today after 3 days of not seeing him much after our talk. I tried to plan a, told him about my weekend, he then told me he had been at his moms yesterday. So I was expecting he was with OW and maybe he wasn't, but I have no trust. We talked the nicest to each other we have in awhile. I told him I had asked my boss to let me work full time and that I would like to keep the house. He just said OK. I volunteered to wash his uniform and he said thank you... the first time I have heard that in a long time from him.<P> So I asked him to dinner to eat the steaks I had bought Sat AM before our talk and he agreed.<P> I am so confused. I feel I caused this to get to this point. I am so sad, but don't know if I can fix it. I may be too hurt and scared and unhappy with myself to do plan A. <BR>Lora

I understand EXACTLY how you feel...that's why I am constantly trying to defend myself!!!!<P>I don't feel like a witch, I feel crazy.<P>My H is really good at the lying thing. Early in this event he told me he was interested in exploring a relationship with OP......I looked at my husband of 13 years and thought "who is this man".<P>But he has convinced family members and maybe even himself that "I just like working with her" "she has taught me things" "She has shown me what things are important"<P>I feel nuts!!!! But last week we started marraige counseling....It did NOT go well. The counselor wanted to meet with us individually this week and guess what??<P>I am not nuts!!!!! Finally, an objective person, one who is not emotionally attached to either of us who SAW THROUGH MY HUSBAND!!!!<P>No, the OP is NOT the problem.....there are other issues.....especially depression...<P>I can't tell you what this has done for me. No matter what happens now...I know I am not crazy...<P>I have no family...no mom, dad or sibs...no grandparents, no aunts or uncles. No one to go to for that unconditional "love" and acceptance. THe buck stops here so to speak, which is why I constantly feel the need to defend myself......(not healthy, i know)<P>In some ways this has been emotional abuse to me..I have doubted that what I thought was my life was really my life. I have doubted that who I believed was my husband was really my husband.<P>My Husband has said so many things about our marraige or me to me and to his family members at times....I've wondered if they were really true...<P>It has helped so much to have this third party to say...."I believe you" not because of what I am saying, but because of what he is seeing....and hearing.

"Am I crazy? Are they really just friends and he would rather not be married to me than try to deal with me? Am I so bad that I am hopeless?"<P>Dear Lora, welcome back. I'm still crazy and if I were a witch I would place a curse where it would do the most good . . . (Just kidding, those of you who are thinking of reviving the Salem Witch Trials). <P> " I have no trust." Short supply in our house too.<P> " So I asked him to dinner to eat the steaks I had bought Sat AM before our talk and he agreed." Comment: that's not so bad, Lora. At least he didn't come up with some lame excuse why he couldn't eat with you.<P> "I am so confused. I feel I caused this to get to this point. I am so sad, but don't know if I can fix it. I may be too hurt and scared and unhappy with myself to do plan A." Understand. Just do something, some positive Plan A thing, every other day. If he's not receptive to your attention, do something healthful or uplifting or kind for yourself, even if it's buying a box of blueberries to nibble on.<BR> <BR>Gezundt (my new Yiddish word).<P><BR>

TT,<BR> Maybe I am crazy too, I keep thinking maybe I was meant to live alone. I'm considering the position of crazy cat woman of the neighborhood.<BR> It does help to know there are several of us in the same situation. Hang in there and keep figuring it out.<P>Belleve,<BR> Thanks, I will try and do something good for myself. I think I have done a good plan a the last few days when I saw H, although I was crazy the rest of the time.<BR>Lora

Hi Lora, maybe it is something in our name (Lor). But that Cat Lady thing holds strong appeal for me as well. I'm sitting here with 4 cats--2 that are recent mercy adoptions, none of which get along...so if you need a cat or 2 to try the Cwazy Cat Lady thing out, let me know .<P>It's ok to be crazy when your H isn't around. It is one of the benefits of separation, you get "down" time and Plan A behavior is easy for a couple hours at a time.<P>Take care<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lora:<BR><B>Am I crazy? Are they really just friends and he would rather not be married to me than try to deal with me? Am I so bad that I am hopeless?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You're not crazy. I thought I was going crazy until I found this board. These stories and these people helped me to see that my senses are seeing, feeling, and hearing reality and his lies are just that- lies!<P>What do you think, are they just friends? <P>I think they sometimes feel that dealing with what they've created is harder than walking away. Some actually do walk away. It's hard to face yourself when you've been a colossal jerk! Just remember that it is not your fault. You may have done some things to contribute to the condition of your marriage, but the betrayal, the lies, and his attitude are not your fault. You can only be responsible for what you do. If it doesn't work out, at least you have your dignity. Some day that will be obvious to everybody. <P>If it DOES work out, he'll feel like he is the luckiest man in the world to have had you in his corner when he was such a low down jerk.<P>You're not hopeless. Don't let him steal your self esteem. He's the one who is acting hopeless right now by shutting you out and singing some other woman's praises while turning a blind eye to his wife's! If you give up on yourself, you will prove him right. You can't let that happen. YOU ARE NOT HOPELESS!

"[QUOTE]Originally posted by popeye:<BR>[B] You're not crazy. I thought I was going crazy until I found this board. These stories and these people helped me to see that my senses are seeing, feeling, and hearing reality and his lies are just that- lies!<P>What do you think, are they just friends?" <P>I wonder how many of us have been doubting our sanity? I've posted and responded to a few who have expressed that fear. <BR>If it DOES work out, he'll feel like he is the luckiest man in the world to have had you in his corner when he was such a low down jerk.<P>"He's the one who is acting hopeless right now by shutting you out and singing some other woman's praises while turning a blind eye to his wife's!" <P>Tsk and drat. My H told me for years about how brilliant, selfless, kind, and admirable his "best friend" was. At first I was glad he had such a friend. Then after awhile my smile was pasted onto my face. I felt jealous. It wore on me after awhile, like sandpaper on a sunburn. He hasn't told me he admired me in years. Hurts a lot.

Popeye,<BR> No I don't think they are just friends,but his refusal to admit its more even after he told me he wants out, just makes me doubt myself.<BR> I know I will go on and do OK with or without him. I still wish it was with him at this point.<P> Lor,<BR> Murphy assured me you have to have 30 or 40 cats to be truely crazy so you have a ways to go. I have only one spoiled one.<P>Bellevue,<BR> Compliments and admiration? whats that? I have lost 30 pounds...H has not noticed. He won't even say thank you, and last night he went to bed again without even saying goodnight. I get more feedback from the cat, at least she purrs.<BR>Lora<BR>

Hey,Crazy Cat Lady("Stay back,kids!"),<BR> Would you like some free kittens?<BR> If you really are a witch,could you get the boss to up my salary?Just kidding,of course.<BR> How are you feeling?I know about the"going crazy"thing.I felt that way at first,but now I know my STBX is the crazy one.Even her brother admitted to me that he was seeing another woman for drinks behind his W's back.It really opened my eyes to my in-laws $hitty behavior towards me.<BR> At least you and your H seem to be able to talk nicely to each other.That makes plan A a lot easier than dealing with a hostile person.Try keeping it up if you can.Nobody is hopeless(OK,maybe my boss),I doubt if you are.<BR> Did you lose that 30lbs on the nationally acclaimed Infidelity Diet? So did I,but the boys at work fed me well,and I put it back on.You need to eat healthy right now,or you'll get sick.Take care of yourself.<BR> Beautiful day here today,huh? I hope we have nice weather(a little,anyways)for the holiday weekend.Have a good night.--Murph

Hi Murph, I'm typing this with my cat watching and hopeing for a little attention. <P> I gave the impression that we talk nice? Well, we are civil I guess when he isn't hiding on the computer or out of the house. And if we talk about the weather on a sunny day.<P> Yes, I'm surprized the infidelity diet hasn't been on Oprah. It seems to work as well or better than all of the others. Hey, maybe we all can coauther a book on it. Get rich and famous and have all our spouses begging to go on tour with us. LOL Actually I am working on eating healthy, getting in 5 fruits and vegies, and of course I am doing the infidelity walk off your stess when your H isn't home when he is supposd to be.<P> I took a walk today along the waterfront and saw Mount Rainier and I'm just so happy to live here. So I live in a perfectly beatiful place, now if only I can get the rest of my life figured out<BR>Lora<P>