It's been 8 months since D Day. In Plan B for 61/2 wks. Have been crying non-stop for 4 days. Thought I was getting use to this, thwn it all starts up again. I think I am finally starting to realize my life as I knew it is over. The man I married 28 years ago is no longer that man. He really is moving on. He says he will always love and care for me but wants me to let him go.<P>Everything in my life is falling apart. I haven't been able to focus on work and am loosing customers. My job of nine years is in jepordy (company may be going out), I've been left with the house, all the bills to pay for and maintain, my son in Iceland can not come home this summer as planned and I/m loosing hope. I don't even know why I would want him back after all he has done to me. Why can I not get angry. I am not a weak person. I have always been independent, strong, a take charge kind of person.I can't handle this one. I am falling apart. I'm on anti-depressants, staying active - taking dance lessons, going out with friends, counseling, going to church, praying and nothing is helping. I'm as sad and depressed now as I was in the beginning. This past week I've withdrawn from friends and family. I just don't have the energy to keep going. I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever. I just want it to be over!<P>When will I start feeling better? Will I ever feel better? I feel like I have lost half of me and can't function without the other half. He's been my best friend, lover, my anchor and my rock. The wind beneath my wings. I've been with him my whole adult life. I am sooo lost. I don't know how to go on.<P>I understand the addiction betrayers experience, because I'm addicted to my husband! I can't let go. I don't want to let go, but I have to. It's not my choice.<P>I'm feeling really sorry for myself, sorry. Just needed to vent. I know all of you are in the same boat. How do we keep them afloat? I want to find my anger. I'm told it will give me strength and empower me. Maybe I'm too tired to get angry. Maybe I'm frozen in the stage. How do I get out? I grieved my father's death 2 years, and am still grieving my mothers death 1 1/2 yrs ago. This is a pain worse than anything I have ever experienced. I'ts more than I think I can handle. I'm not a quitter, I've always been a fighter. I can't seem to find my inner strength. I read in one post the depth of love you have for your mate is the depth of pain you will experience. If that's the case God help me! God help us all! I will be praying for us all. Thank you for letting me share.<BR>

Hurting in Tx,<P>You can do it....it is so difficult and so painful, but you can do it....<P>Pull from the inner resourses that you have formulated along the way in life.<P>I truly understand your pain...every day i feel like my heart is ripped out.<P>I look at my 5 year old's adorable face. I crumble when I see those big tears for her daddy who is unable to see her pain.<P>But I get up, every day, and put my feet one in front of the other...I can tell you, I by no means , get done what I used to get done.<P>I am slower, more contemplative...I stay at home more....I do small projects, think, and cry....<P>Take a deep breath.....find those things, no matter how small or simple that get you through the day...call people, or read, or walk, or stay on this website for a time to read, learn and respond.<P>Do something new. I began painting (creatively) my kids rooms... I redecorated via paint and blocking. <P>I started to look into pottery, but held off untill after the summer.<P>I spent a lot of time reading books for inspiration. I also found magazined to breeze through.<P>I started having families whose dads were not going to be home over for dinner.<P>It is hard not to dwell on what's happened. It seems like a cruel joke....believe me I know...But, we only have 2 choices in life.<P>To get up..and deal with it..or to succomb to it.....<P>I can't even believe I am saying those words tonight. I said them when I was 21. My high school sweetheart (and recent fiancee) died in a motorcycle accident.) <P>I remember then, just pulling myself up and moving forward.....I am trying to do that now.....<P>somedays I even succeed.

Hurtin, <P>Why are you in plan B? Are you loosing your love for your H? Just because he is still in the affair is no reason to stop plan Aing? I didn't stop til he came home. Can you go back why not? Plan A and B are not set rules. You have to do what you feel. Discovery D was a year ago he left to live with the OW the last of July, he asked to come home the middle of March and we finally got back together a week ago. He told me he started realizing he wasn't where he wanted to be just before the holidays but he didn't know how to get out. I kept the lines open with nothing more then cards of encouragement and hope letters that told what was going on. He realized he needed to reach out and he did. What I am trying to say is that my H also told me he would always love me but was not in love with me and wanted me to move on without him. I too never could get angry with him. <P>You might try plan a for awhile you seem to still have a lot of love left for him.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I really feel your pain.. I know how devastating this can all be.. you are not alone. Is there anything that you do that makes you forget about the pain for a little while? If so focus on that one thing and than move on from that to add another thing and than another! Have you thought about making some type of dramatic change in your life? how about moving to a new area.. (pick one where you have at least one friend or relative.. so they can help you get out a little initially). He is starting over, why don't you do so as well.. if nothing else it will keep you busy! Since you have a kids with your H, he will never loose touch with you... maybe he will come back some day. But the one thing that I have become convinced of after going through all of this myself and reading everyone else's stories... they will not come back until and unless you truley let them go... So take a deep breath.. picture the emotional string attaching the two of you.. take out some imaginary scissors and cut them.. this does not mean you have to hate him or be angry with him.. it just means that you are doing what you have to do for yourself. By the way.. you have been through some very traumatic losses in your recent life.. so take it easy on yourself...you will survive and things will get better.. start to make some decisions and choices for yourself. As several people have reminded me when I was in pity me mode... sometimes bad things happen to good people.. stop staring at what has happened and dwelling on what could have been and focus on the future.. make one for yourself ! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

Thank you Niki. It really helps to know i'm not alone in this. I'm alot better tonight. You are right, I need to let go, but after 28 years it is going to take some getting use to. My whole wordl revolved around him and the family. Sure we have lots of friends, but they are all married and have their own families. I need to go out and make some new single friends. It's so hard, but I know I'll make it. Good luvk to you and thanks again for the encouragement!<BR>God Bless You. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nikki123:<BR><B>I really feel your pain.. I know how devastating this can all be.. you are not alone. Is there anything that you do that makes you forget about the pain for a little while? If so focus on that one thing and than move on from that to add another thing and than another! Have you thought about making some type of dramatic change in your life? how about moving to a new area.. (pick one where you have at least one friend or relative.. so they can help you get out a little initially). He is starting over, why don't you do so as well.. if nothing else it will keep you busy! Since you have a kids with your H, he will never loose touch with you... maybe he will come back some day. But the one thing that I have become convinced of after going through all of this myself and reading everyone else's stories... they will not come back until and unless you truley let them go... So take a deep breath.. picture the emotional string attaching the two of you.. take out some imaginary scissors and cut them.. this does not mean you have to hate him or be angry with him.. it just means that you are doing what you have to do for yourself. By the way.. you have been through some very traumatic losses in your recent life.. so take it easy on yourself...you will survive and things will get better.. start to make some decisions and choices for yourself. As several people have reminded me when I was in pity me mode... sometimes bad things happen to good people.. stop staring at what has happened and dwelling on what could have been and focus on the future.. make one for yourself ! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

It is a cruel world we live in, Huh? For months I called and called my stbx to beg him to come home. I was literally lost without him. Like you, he and the children were my world....I loved him totally and unconditionally.<P>He has been gone for over a year. We will be divorced in August. He is gunhoe about all of this. He is excited about his new life, can't wait to get this "horrible" 11 year marriage behind him.<P>It still hurts....but not everyday. Some days it is like discovery day...and some days I hardly notice him gone.<P>I still will never understand all of this....but I have no choice but to go on. He will realize one day what he has lost....that the OW was not what he had hoped.<P>Good luck to you....this is very hard and all of us here have felt the same way......and sorry to say...it sucks<P><BR>Nancy

Dear Tootrusting,<BR>My heart breaks for you and your daughter. I have thanked the Lord many times for not letting this happen when the kids were at home. Although they are devastated by this, I know it would be harder on small children and the betrayed. I truly do not know how you are coping. I just want to reach out and hug you both. I just cannot understand how they can do this to their families.<P>I too am an artist. I'm seriously thinking about signing up for a watercolor class at the college. No, I am going to sign up tomorrow. I've resumed my country western dance lessons and plan to volunteer with Big Brothers and Sisters. Just need to get the boot into my behind!<P>Thank you again for your taking time to reach out to me. I believe God led me to this board. I surely could have not made it without it.<P>Take care of you and your daughter. God will be with you. <P>God Bless you and your family. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR><B>Hurting in Tx,<P>You can do it....it is so difficult and so painful, but you can do it....<P>Pull from the inner resourses that you have formulated along the way in life.<P>I truly understand your pain...every day i feel like my heart is ripped out.<P>I look at my 5 year old's adorable face. I crumble when I see those big tears for her daddy who is unable to see her pain.<P>But I get up, every day, and put my feet one in front of the other...I can tell you, I by no means , get done what I used to get done.<P>I am slower, more contemplative...I stay at home more....I do small projects, think, and cry....<P>Take a deep breath.....find those things, no matter how small or simple that get you through the day...call people, or read, or walk, or stay on this website for a time to read, learn and respond.<P>Do something new. I began painting (creatively) my kids rooms... I redecorated via paint and blocking. <P>I started to look into pottery, but held off untill after the summer.<P>I spent a lot of time reading books for inspiration. I also found magazined to breeze through.<P>I started having families whose dads were not going to be home over for dinner.<P>It is hard not to dwell on what's happened. It seems like a cruel joke....believe me I know...But, we only have 2 choices in life.<P>To get up..and deal with it..or to succomb to it.....<P>I can't even believe I am saying those words tonight. I said them when I was 21. My high school sweetheart (and recent fiancee) died in a motorcycle accident.) <P>I remember then, just pulling myself up and moving forward.....I am trying to do that now.....<P>somedays I even succeed.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

SDS,<P>The reason I'm in plan B is because I was loosing my feelings for him. The cruel things he was doing was killing me. I did my Plan B letter just a month ago. Then after talking with Steve last week, he agrees I need to stay in B. Steve suggested I write him another letter as a reminder I still want to work on the marriage after he stops all contact. I did and he emailed me this simple but gut wrenching statement.<P>Dear W<P>"Let Go.<BR>I'll always love and care for you."<P>Love H<P>I'm so affraid the more time he is with her the more chance it could turn into something real. Steve says their relationship was build on lies and deceite and will come crashing down. I hope he is right! I think at this point I need to let him have his space. He obviously does not want to be reminded. Steve said to check back in a month.<P>What do you think? Did your husband object to your communication?<P>Thanks again and God Bless your recovery. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SDS:<BR><B>Hurtin, <P>Why are you in plan B? Are you loosing your love for your H? Just because he is still in the affair is no reason to stop plan Aing? I didn't stop til he came home. Can you go back why not? Plan A and B are not set rules. You have to do what you feel. Discovery D was a year ago he left to live with the OW the last of July, he asked to come home the middle of March and we finally got back together a week ago. He told me he started realizing he wasn't where he wanted to be just before the holidays but he didn't know how to get out. I kept the lines open with nothing more then cards of encouragement and hope letters that told what was going on. He realized he needed to reach out and he did. What I am trying to say is that my H also told me he would always love me but was not in love with me and wanted me to move on without him. I too never could get angry with him. <P>You might try plan a for awhile you seem to still have a lot of love left for him.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Hurtin,<BR>well at the time I was sending them to him he didn't like them. In fact I got a very hateful letter in Dec. that told me that nothing had changed he wanted to stay with the OW and that he wanted a divorce. Of course the odd thing was that the letter was in his handwriting but the envelope was addressed by her. I also got a gift certificate from him for a Christmas present. BUt it was another month before he started contacting me. Life with her had started falling apart. That is what we have to wait for the reality to set him. One thing that really helped was that he started taking antidepressants. If it hadn't been for that I think it would have taken a lot longer. <P>We are still just inching along and he misses the OW very much but he would rather have reality with me then her. <BR>I wish I could be of more help. You just have to hold on until you can't any longer then when you can't you know it is time to let go. {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>