The emotional tumultuousness of the situation seems to have either settled down or controlled.<P>We stay off of "the" issues but my H has completely cut me off of his work life (where life is "normal" for him). It is at work that he appears the old H. Smiling, focused...of course he doesn't have much to do since everything is taken care of for him.<P>He calls me during the day to check in, he comes over to see the kids but not do the work. He is still detached from them. He has managed to keep a few sibs in his family believeing that he is doing "great". Very happy in his monk's apt. He has convinced a sib and perhaps himself that he is NOT interested in a relationhip with Op, just can't be without her at work.. She left H 2 weeks ago and now can control more of the conversation...H looks very in the fog.<P>He will not discuss what is happening. Will not discuss work or OP. Still has severe memory loss. Looks like a zombie (tired)when he is here..almost like he is in withdrawal.<P>So he basically gets to walk out on a life, house, responsibility, wife, children, create a new life doing all that he wants to do, never giving an explanation, or if anything is said blames me for very vague things even though he seems to have no memory.<P>What am I feeling? I have NO idea what is going on. Now he is acting like there is no OP, even though we know she thinks so (via her H). He has never said he didn't love me or that he loved her. Just feeling numb, but not making any attempts to come back here. <P>What am I feeling? Like I am going crazy! Like I never really had the life that existed in November with the man who smiled and laughed with us and enjoyed his kids.<P>I am feeling that his "addiction" is to the cloistered world at work that is all taken care of for him where he is treated like a god. That's the intoxication. <P>Who would want to have the responsibilities of raising a family and dealing with the 'real' issues when you can just keep telling yourself your wife and kids bug you....and your staff loves you and takes care of you. <P>I am feeling that this socially acceptable fantasy can go on for a long time and that in that time our children (who are little) will grow up and wonder where their life went also.....What can I do about this fo me and the kids?

I could have written this post. And yes, it can go on for a long, long time with someone that is this emotionally disconnected and where no one holds him accountable for what he's doing.<P>My situation is nearly exactly like yours and it's been going on nearly two years now. If anything, my husband seems happier than ever with me Plan Aing him and keeping his girlfriend too. As near as I can see it, there's nothing out there to shake his world. And for me, I feel that if I don't Plan A, he won't see the kids. That's what happened during my five months in Plan B. I can't do it again.<P>Eventually, I figure we'll get tired of it. Then, our husbands will have to make a choice or we will make it for them (that's what I think they really want). For my husband, if that choice had to be made today, he'll pick the OW. It would be pretty stupid of me to issue an ultimatum now while knowing that. I can't imagine my husband making a choice unless it's under duress from me or her.<P>Plan B is a reasonable alternative and I think you should seriously consider it. More than anything else, this is a waiting game. You have to plan on maximizing your wait time, and Plan B is the best way to do that while simulataneously forcing you to develop a separate life. Think about it.

Distressed, Thanks for your response. I guess it helps just knowing that someone else is experiencing the same thing.<P>But you know Distressed. I have finally sat in a completley objective counselors office with my H, and finally recieved some validation that I am not crazy.<P>Between him and my kids counselor telling me he has an adddiction problem of some sort...idea, person, adoration at the office.<P>The way he acts to me and the kids is almost emotional abuse. My kids counselor thinks it would be better to have more consistency via a separation agreement. <P>I am ready to plan B for me. It has less to do with saving my love for him, but for saving my love for myself.<P>He can choose to belief whatever he wants to about me, the kids, the marraige. (which we all wonder what he believes since he has no memory) But I don't have to take the blame anymore.<P>I have control of my life. He knows I do not want a divorse....he will have to get it and tell the kids. (which is a joke since he has said nothing to the kids about anything)<P>But I will not be his friend while he is her friend....even working with her. Even if she isn't the "problem" like he keeps saying, what the h***** is she doing in our life. He told me he loved me, went on that trip and came home with an intimate note in his wallet......So she was obviously in our marraige before this trip...and he had never mentioned any problems befor.<P>As far as I am concerned...both of their behavior is inexcusable. And I am not going to continue to take the blame...have my H be mean and then apologize and tell me he can';t explain why he is being mean to me...<P><BR>We all see it...he just wants to deny it.....