Hi Gang:<BR>Hope everyone is having a good weekend. <P>I need some advise. This weekend has been very busy for my family in that there is 3 people with birthdays. ( May 25,27 and 28th)They are my niece, nephew and sister. <P>Well my h did not acknowledge them in any way shape or form. Through marriage, these kids become his niece and nephew as well. This makes me so angry. <P>I on the other hand have always acknowledged his family on their birthdays, anniversary and other special events. I do it from my heart. <P>I also am having a tough time with him lately because I have been trying to Plan A him and the nicer I am the meaner he is. He is so incredibly cold toward me. I know it stems from OW getting angry at him if he has any contact with me at all. She is very insecure. <P>I mean it's one thing to walk out on your wife and kids but when you start to treat your wife of 12 years like she is a stranger for no reason, I feel I want to draw the line. <P>I'm thinking the next time I see Him I might LB in a big way. Just go off on how thoughtless he was not to call his Sister in law, niece and nephew. Then I begin to rethink and tell myself I should just not say a word to him. But, how do you do that when inside it is really eating you up???<P>I guess I should not have expected him to acknowledge them since he didn't acknowledge me on Valentines day, My birthday, Our Anniversary or Easter. He did manage to drop off three plants for Mothers Day but I'm sure his mother reminded him of that one.<P>I know Plan A works but How do you bring yourself to continue when you see nothing in response and when H is so thoughless?? <BR>

Yep... Plan A is hard...<BR>...ver hard!<P>I invariably say a montra...<BR>...my W is ill... God help her...<BR>...my W is ill... God help her...<BR>...my W is ill... God help her...<P>It doesn't always work...<P>Various levels of LBing will always leak through... don't let it get you down.<P>Praying for you <P>Jim

missy9,<P>what your H is doing I believe is fighting his feelings for you....<P>Try to contact LOSTVA and KAT1.. these two ladies have been through this stuff and are in recovery. Yes the nicer you get the meaner he gets... well so does my H... Lostva and Kat1 said this is "normal" at this time...... these ladies keep me going when I want to throw up !!! Their H's said some mean things to them... Please write them on the board, they will help you.<P>They have been there, done that and worn the shoes.....<P>Just remember this is your H's defense.. against you... I truly believe they try to hurt us so we tell them to go... that we make the decision for them... wouldn't that be easier for them ????? for us to say get out I'm getting the big "D".....<BR>Of course it would, they carry so much burden now for what they have done... Then if we did make the decision, they could say..."she divorced me"..."she kicked me out"<BR>of course they would mever talk about what they did to cause it.<P>OK I'm rambling.... I to am tired of being squashed like a bug...s

Missy,<P>This is truly the toughest part of Plan A. When I began it, my wife would practically jump in my face and tell me to stop it (ultimately she did). She was not ready to accept this "new behavior" from me. She had accepted an image of me that "allowed" her to enter an affair, and refused to see me in any other way. It was very painful to see the scorn on her face, hear the anger in her voice, and feel the coldness in her presence.<P>I was unable to control my own grief and anger initially too and would cry in front of her and argue with her (BIG LB's). I got better at it, once I started keeping a journal. This was the place I went to vent my sorrow and anger so I wouldn't do so with the W. After a few entries, I found I was able to "hold off" until I could get to my journal. Once I established this as a routine, I was able to better deal with situations that earlier resulted in LB'ing and focus more on Plan A. Should we begin reconciliation, I plan to "review" some of the things she did (so it helps to write it down) so she will understand better what I was/am going through. If we reconcile successfully, I plan to let her read the journal. Not to beat her up as it contains many emotionally raw entries. Instead, to show her that I am confident, that our new relationship is strong enough to share what happened during our darkest period.<P>Bottom line: If you think it's a love buster, DON'T DO IT!! The momentary satisfaction of "fighting back" will be lost in the time it will take you to recover from it. Instead, you might mention, if/when you tell him about your weekend that they missed hearing from him. Demonstrating to him that people he betrayed can still show him love is like using a small hammer on a big rock. You just keep chipping away and eventually the stone will crumble.