Good morning, or afternoon to those in the east.<BR>I have had a major dilemma brewin in my life for sure in the past two weeks, but really for the past year.<BR>I have posted several calls for help in the "Emotional Needs" posting area, but I am beyond needing only emotional needs now, I am in need of real help and strong advice.<BR>Since my marriage began in June of 1994 I have lost both parents, my father just a month after our wedding and my mother a year ago on Easter. Needless to say there has always been some sort of turmoil in my wife and I's life.<BR>It had totally torn me down inside, especially after my mother passed on. My mother and I did NOT get along well, she was left very comfortable after my fathers passing, but she never worked during the 5 years after he passed, well not much anyway.<BR>Well I kicked myself hard after her death cause while doing all the "finalizing of the estate" I found there wasn't a damn thing left, even debts to pay.<BR>Now to how this effected our marriage...<BR>With the relationship I had with my mother, I took this all very hard, and instead of "grieving" normally, I found myself very angry, and I distanced myself from my family so I could "protect" them. I have to younger sisters that did have a good relationship with mom so I didn't want to "jade" them with all this BS, but I also distanced my wife from me in the process.<BR>Well I even said to here, "I want to leave this marriage" just so she didn't have to deal with me and my idiotic thinkings.<BR>Well, she never gave up on me, and darned if she didn't get me back. I did counseling...anger and marriage both. I never ever hit my wife or anyone, I just didn't speak, and would blow when nobody was around. My wife and I have never ever had a nasty argument at all.<BR>Well obviously during my "absence of mind" my wife found outside resources with friends and co-workers...No not any affairs, she just went out with the girls alot!<BR>Well Mothers Day just a couple weeks back after knowing she was distant and also counseiling on her own, she told me "I can't stay in this relationship"<BR>I can't say that it came out of the blue, but I thought we were making it back to the way we were during the first four years of marriage and that was excellent!<BR>She has since moved out, but we still talk and see each other, but she is out of the house and she is really wanting to get out of the marriage!<BR>So I am scared as H--L right now cause I do think I have lost her for good.<BR>Despite my 6 months of distancing myself, she worked so hard to get me back, and now she wants out. I have to say people that I do truely love this woman and I am in love with her, I just obvioulsy needed help back then! and now I am paying for it! I hope I can get her back, but am I "screwed" here, is any hope at all for me to regain her.<BR>She says she does love me, but she just doesn't feel in-love and in her words she says "it isn't fair to you or me for me to stay here if I am not in love with you"<BR>I now know how she had to feel when I said these same words to her in January or 1999. I am lost, lonely and scared as all get out about my future without her!<BR>She truely is MY love of a lifetime. We have never said an ill word to each other or about each other, at least i haven't and I am very confident she hasn't.<BR>We've never been physical towards each other (in a bad way I mean) and god even now with all this over our heads WE GET ALONG.<BR>I really don't get it at all!<BR>Have I lost her for ever? Is there any hope for us?<BR>I can make it without her, and am sort of preparing for that, but more of me is trying to reel her back in to remain married!<BR>Do I back off and let time settle in, she said she is in no big hurry to move to the next step (divorce), but I do feel that clock ticking and quite frankly I hate the noise!<BR>What do I do? I am open to any and all suggestions here!<BR>PLEASE HELP<BR>Drew
