After H has been home now for 2 months, things are yet changing again! He says that he is constantly thinking of OW now. He has told me that he is uncomfortable about being intimate with me. Sex life was great, but now it is down to nothing. Since his A, sex has been my security and he knew that! Also, affection is my #1 emotional need. I will get a hug and a small kiss and a bland I love you, but that is about it! He is not himself at all, and I am very scared! <P>I have been bad about controlling my emotions, mostly I cry. I have always been very emotional! I am doing my best about no LB, but has been very difficult. He has told me that yes, he has thought about leaving again, but hasn't. He cannot commit to our marriage, I think it scares him! He will not openly talk to me. He does what he can to keep himself busy when he is home. All of the signs are there again. Is he seeing her? Is he giving up on us again? He says that he will always love me, but he loves OW more. Says that he is trying, but all we are doing is tolerating each other. He refuses to do anything that may help our marriage/help us work on our marriage. I made an appointment to see a counselor hoping that he will eventually join me. He told me that was good, that maybe it will help me because he has screwed up my head so bad! He told my father that we have the friendship thing down, but needed to work on the marriage part! He can be my friend, but nothing more right now. <P>I'm plan Aing, and I want to do it well! I had never known that he really loved her until a couple of weeks ago. I just wish that he had been honest with me when he came home. New suprizes all of the time just doesn't help!!! Is he just going thru withdrawals? I want him to see how much I love him and that he is safe with me. I am doing what I can to give him space, because that is what he has asked for. I just want this over! I would love some encouragement, but it doesn't look too good right now. I miss him when he is at work, but I miss him most when he is sitting right next to me. Is this all in vain? Am I trying to save a sinking ship?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by just_me:<BR><B>I have been bad about controlling my emotions, mostly I cry. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Try to avoid crying when you're around him. Try to be upbeat and in a good mood. I know it's hard, but he shouldn't look upon you as weak right now. Act strong, confident and upbeat.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR><B>He will not openly talk to me. He does what he can to keep himself busy when he is home. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Try to avoid the difficult discussions unless you know you will be able to avoid LBing. They feed on LBs and will use it against you and for reducing their own guilt.<P>You can do this!!!<P>scandinavian

2 months isn't that long (tho I know it seems it)...he is still in withdrawal. Give it a little more time...he is trying, and will be more able to work on the marriage when he gets over withdrawal a little more.<P>Meanwhile, don't forget that much of Plan A is about you...being the person you need/want to be.<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi

just_me,<P><B>Kathi</B> is so right!!!<P>Plan A is about you...<P>Check out my reply to <B>Mrs. O</B>'s post...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000139.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR: Gotta Plan A question for you....</A><P> <P>Jim

thank you for your replies.....I think that he is still in withdrawal....I am hoping that this stage will pass soon, but more than likely it will hang around for a while. I know that I need to be strong and show him that! I know what I need to do, just very hard to keep that straight in my head. Thanks so much!

I totally empathize with you. I try so hard to be stong and upbeat around him, but I just can't seem to do it all the time. Ugh. It is so hard and just like you I wonder if I am trying to save a sinking ship. My analogie is that we are in the sinking ship and I am bailing furiously while I feel like for every 10 of my buckets he bails 1/2 bucket. I would very much like to fix the leak, but he is going to have to commit for that, and I don't know how long I will be able to keep bailing before my strength gives out.<P>Hang in there. I know how you feel and that is the only advice I can give you. Good luck.

Being in this limbo stage has been the hardest for me, but at least I can say that he is home! It is hard to keep a smile on my face.....it just wants to fall to the floor. He can tell when I am down! I build myself up during the day, but when he comes home I expect something nice from him, and I don't get it, so I get depressed again. I need to lower my expectations of him because he cannot seem to give anything to me. I love him so much! If he could only realize what we had before, and that now that we know some of our problems...we can FIX them! When does the fog clear? I am waiting for a true chance to work on things together! I am waiting for him, but in the meanwhile I will plan A as best that I can! God give me strength!!!!!<P>Lapeine....may we both have strength!!