I got so much helpful response from my previous posting concerning another problem. I really appreciate the input from that and have benefitted already. But, I have yet another huge problem/question that someone out there may be able to help me out with again, or share an experience.<P>My husband and I have been married for four years. We met in college, dated, got married, and have had one child. Our careers are off the ground, and we are doing well. The problem is with "his past", so to speak. He has only been intimate with one other person besides me in his whole life. He is a really intelligent person, who has always been somewhat reserved. His main objective has been studying, aerospace engineering. He is now very sucessful in the jet industry. He is feeling and acting more confident than I've ever seen him act. He works out at the gym now, and just shows so much more confidence. Last night, he confessed to me that he has been struggling with thoughts of being with other women. He says that the drive is a overwhelming at times, and it's hard to think of anything else. He admits to masturbating while thinking of other women, including my best friend's sister and my own sister, both of whom are extremely attractive. <P>He says he wants to be with me, but has issues of curiosity and adventure that he's never really thought about. He feels like it is wrong, but says that it feels nature.<P>My love for him grows everyday. I haven't had a lot of sexual experience either, but I'm not curious one bit. I love him. I always have and always will. He tells me he loves me, but it's hard to trust that or believe that he will be there for me. I want to leave him and allow him to experience life, women, and all the things he missed out on while he was studying so hard in high school and college. I love him so much that I don't want him to recent me and the child for causing him to miss out on so much. He doesn't have to lust. I am willing to give him his freedom. Is this the right way to handle this?<P>I could really use some advice, especially from anyone young men who may have gone through this or know anything about this. I just want us to be happy, whatever may have to happen.<BR>

musicalnotes,<P>Your (or your H's) perspective on what a marriage is...<BR>...seems a bit off.<P>Thoughts like...<P>"...He feels like it is wrong, but says that it(lusting after women) feels natur(al)"<P>"I want to leave him and allow him to experience life, women, and all the things he missed out on..."<P>"I don't want him to resent me and the child for causing him to miss out on so much"<P>"I am willing to give him his freedom"<P>...are <B>not</B> the "traditonal" concepts of marriage/love/family/responsibility and most importantly... <B>freedom</B>!<P>What sets one <B>free</B> isn't living in a hedonistic/self-centered/narcisistic fantasy world...<BR>...but coming to terms with who you are<BR>...what you can become<BR>...and... through marriage...<BR>...how to take the best of what you both have and make it better!<BR>Help your H not to live the lie about "self" being everything! Those of us who have wayward spouses... see this lie every day!<P>"Is this the right way to handle this?"...<BR><B>ABSOLUTELY NOT!</B><P>If you feel that your husband is considering thoughts of "straying"...<BR>...immediately...<P>1. Get some counseling (for both of you preferrably... or at least you if he won't)<BR>2. Start learning the MB concepts...<BR>3. Start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>. This is 1/2 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A>.<BR>4. If possible have your H do some reading...<BR><A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393307077" TARGET=_blank><B>Private Lies :</B> Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy</A> by Frank Pittman would be good!<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P> <P>Jim<BR>

I think I am going to put "Well Jim is right" in my scrapbook because I have to type it so often <P>I do want to ask though, how have things been going in the bedroom? Are you and H fairly active, is it enjoyable or getting the the routine stage? I hope those aren't too personal but may lead to a suggestion.<P>One thing that happened early in my marriage was that when things got a little routine, I always made an effort to change things. He may be looking to spice up his invlovement with you. Try talking to him about his fantasies. Guys have a hard time talking about that kind of thing because they may be ashamed to admit their own feelings and desires.<P>Listen to what he has to say and try and fulfill them. What could be more exciting than never knowing what to expect when you have sexual relations with your own spouse!!! It would be like having a different women everytime except your bond will only grow stronger.