Today I saw a counselor about my husband ongoing affair and the fact that he can not choose between me and OW. I explained SAA and the principles and he said he'd never heard of it and it sounded crazy.<P>He suggested the only way my H would make a decision was if I cut off contact. Otherwise H would just keep having his cake and ice cream, too.<P>However, what I'm doing (plan A) seems to be working because Hand OW are fighting because he is spending so much time with me and the kids. I think Plan A is working and she is getting restless because he won't make a decision or maybe he's making his decision without telling her.<P>But what about the counselor's suggestion. I'm not ready to take the chance of losing my H. Counselor says we can work on that fear and if we conquer that then I might be able to give him and ultimatum. <P>Has anyone had similar counseling situations and what do you think about H and OW fighting?

My counselor also had never heard of the concept or Book, SAA. But she did counsel me thru doing a Plan A not knowing it was called Plan A.<P>I think your Plan A has created a wedge between your H and OW, this is Goodness!<P>I think you should continue down the path of Plan A and tell your counselor to buy the book and bone up. Then meet w/her, or him, again and discuss the concept.<P>This is what I did w/my counselor, and she was very interested in the book and the website as a resource. Still to meet w/her and discuss the book, to happen tomorrow morning.<P>Good luck and keep us posted.<P>Jo

Hawaiiandream:<P>I'd suggest that you lose the counselor---unless he has a phenominal record for saving marriages, he's probably ill-equipped for dealing with an affair situation.<P>If you cut off contact (or even file for divorce) you will force a decision. The issue that your counselor seems unaware of is that often when you "force" a decision out of a person (be it an adult or a child), they're usually resentful and don't always stick to it.<P>Your husband needs to make the decision for himself. Seeing that you're getting positive effects with Plan A, stick with it.<P>Steve and Jennifer Harley offer counseling via phone at MarriageBuilders (888-639-1639). I've used Steve, and I highly recommend him.