Dear Josie,<P>I don't know what I can say that hasn't been echoed a million times by others on this board, but hang in there! Know that there are many people praying for you and that you have lots of support right here. Don't despair. We all really do get through this.<P>Your latest posts seem scary. I hope you are not thinking of doing anything to "end it". I have felt the need to escape the pain and the lies, so I understand, but this does pass! I promise you. I know it seems like there is no end to the madness, but there is! There is!<P>I know what it feels like to feel insane. I felt like I was going crazy because my H was lying so much and about such insignificant things that I felt my sanity must be slipping. My belief in him was so great that it couldn't be him that was crazy, so it must be me. I know now that that is a normal feeling. IT'S NOT YOU! <P>I used to feel like no one could understand my pain. I know now that while the hurt is intensely personal, it is by no means unique. The affairs have predictable patterns and predictable ends. Your H's affair will meet the same fantasy busters that everyone else's does. He will have to face the same reality everyone does. Where do you want to be when that happens? Whether you choose to be there to catch him when he falls or strut confidently by as his faces smashes into concrete, you owe it to YOURSELF to be in control and to be the best you you can be.<P>I wish I had some magic to take your pain away. I'd love to give you that gift, but you know what? YOU possess that magic. I know it is hard, but if you can look beyond your pain, you will see that your H's behaviour doesn't have the power to affect you unless you let it. <P>Take some time to nurture yourself. You are wounded! Take a break from the madness and do something for yourself. Have you ever pampered yourself with a day at the spa? Oh, how luxurious you will feel after such an adventure! <P>Do something that makes you laugh! Crack up until your face hurts. It will do wonders for your perspective.<P>Vent if you need to. Rage here where it is safe, but please don't let this tear you apart. <P>Every day brings us opportunities to be happy. Every day has little blessings we can exploit and turn into big blessings. How many have you passed up as you nurtured your hurt? How many could have turned your tears into peals of laughter? We have a choice. Are you going to miss out on the beauty of a gorgeous sunset because you kept the blinds closed? The pain will still be there when you get back, but if you give yourself a chance to see that there is some beauty left in the world, something worth smiling about, it somehow doesn't seem so intense. Please make some time for Josie.<P>... I know my words are so inadequate, but I wanted to reach out to you in some way and let you know you are in my thoughts.
