The counselor's job, as I understand it, is to help you deal with reality and get you to where you want to go. If your H is telling him/her that he wants out of the marriage, his/her responsibility to you would be to make you face that possibility and to help you be strong enough to deal with it.<P>It could very well be that your H is using the counselor to justify his behaviour, find a way to break away, and relieve some guilt. My H went to his first counseling session and made me out to be a mad woman who ought to be locked up. Given the information she had, the counselor went along with it and fed his fantasies. He floated out of there assured that he was completely justified in all his actions (although he never told her what HE'D contributed). Sometimes counselors are "feel good" people who do this. Is yours?<P>I dont think it is ethical for counselors who are supposed to be doing marital counseling to see the spouses separately for more than a session or two. How can you have marital counseling if you aren't seen together??<P>The problem of impartiality really gets sticky if the counselor is trying to serve two people with different interests. I would just ask him/her what is going on. Those are valid questions. You are paying her to help YOU.<P>It's not paranoid to question his motives. I certainly did. My H went to counseling twice with two different counselors. Both times his motivation was validation. Both times he got it, even though both counselors had vastly different approaches. He STOPPED going because I followed up with them and gave them the other side of the picture. He went because he was getting some need met. he stopped when he didn't think that would happen in the future. <P>My guess is that your H is getting some need met there too. The problem is that his needs may be in conflict with yours. If they are, the two of you need to get separate counselors.
