Hey Missy9,<P>Looking to see how things are in Missy9 land. I know you've said your infidelity situation is similar to mine.<P>I'm in Plan A mode and H is sitting on the fence, actually it's OW's fence, technical term for shackin-up. <P>Are you guys separated too? Does you H call you regularly? Mine does and sd the other day "I hope it's okay I call and talk to you" I sd "Sure it is", he sd "well I feel kinda funny cuz you're not getting anything in return."<P>I thought about that and he's right, I'm not. As a metter of fact I sometimes get upset aft I've talked to him, at times even when it's a light conversation. I think about how he gets to use me for whatever and whenever he needs something. But then when I need something, broken down car etc., and he's not there. <P>Jst wnated to say hello to you and see how things are going.<P>Jo<P>

Hi I am out here everyday!!! <P>We are seperated since Jan 20th. He moved in with his parents for 2 weeks and then his parents went south for the winter so he moved right in with OW. She only lives about 3 miles from our home. She also has 3 kids. I think what he is doing is so inappropriate. I mean sleeping in her bed with her kids in the same house. What kind of example is he showing them. He also just walked out on his own two kids. He absolutely adores them. We have 2 boys and she has 2 girls. He never wanted girls and now he is more of a father to her kids then his own. Makes me so angry...<P>He has put me through hell. OW is the town tramp. Everyone sees it but him. His own parents, brothers and sister, friends. You name it they all say he is making the biggest mistake of his life. But, I think he is determined to prove everyone wrong. <P>Ya know what gets me the most? Everyone will talk about him behind his back but when they see him out in public, they are all nice to him. I mean he does not go out with OW in public at least not where me and my kids are. I do know that she goes to his baseball games and sunbathes in her bikini with her fake boobs she just got....<P>Our stories are so similiar. We have been together for 20 years and married 12 of those years. We had the greatest marriage. Everyone was so envious of us. Even my h says he does not know why he did this to me but just that he is drawn to her and that he feel he is no longer in love with me. I hate hearing that. This from a man that showed so much love for all those years. <P>The thing about this ow is that she was in a very unhappy marriage and her husband never did anything for her or her kids. She worked with my husband and always leaned on him for support. He would tell her to leave him and that she deserved so much better. Well, she started to talk sex to my h and told him all the crazy things she would love to do with him. He got so turned on and so addicted to sex that I truly believe it just took him over. <P>He is a changed man. Very selfish. Nothing like the man I married. I had a hard time doing Plan A in the beginning because of his behavior but I have to say that I have tried for at least the last 1 1/2 months when I get the chance. You see he stays away from me whenever possible. HE rarely talks to me and when he does its just about the kids and he is very quick to get off the phone. One day about 2 1/2 weeks ago I sent him an e mail and signed it MAGIC(May all GOds intentions cometrue) and OW read it. Well I think the SH** hit the fan that night becasue he called the house wanting to know what MAGIC meant. I did not tell him. Well since then he has been colder than Ice toward me. I really think OW has a complete hold over him. She does not trust him because he came back to me once when the affair was first discovered and we went to counseling. OW went crazy and harrassed the heck out of me and my h had her arrested. <BR>A few months later she gets the fake breast and h goes back to her. He lied all thoroughout the counseling. only broke contact with her for about 1 1/2 months.<P>So, I'm still here and things have not gotten any better. In fact I spoke with him today because he called to talk to the boys and I asked him how his game went and he said fine. Then I said how did you do and he said Ok but I'm tired and said got to go. Once again totally cut me off. I think OW was standing right next to him. <P>So, I am just going to kill him with kindness because I know that gets to him. Perhaps he cant; handle me being nice or maybe his guilt gets to him when I am nice but Why should I let him walk all over me when all I did was give him my heart and soul for years.....<P>Hope you are getting stronger... Keep in touch,.,.,

Yes, this is very similar. My H's OW had silicone implants put in about 12 yrs ago, they leaked and the silicone is now permanetly in her system, causes her to have vertigo and she claims Miniers(sp) Syndrome. So she uses that alot ... she even has a wheelchair that she sits in sometimes, when she's not in the bars. H built her a wheelchair ramp. She has since had new boobs installed, salene(sp). She also tells my H she's going to be rich from her participation in a Class Action against Dow Corning. All sounds pretty sorted.<P>I don't know what she looks like, but I'm telling you those breast really must do a number on men. OW really knows the sex talk that goes with those implants, I think a book comes with them. She is so smutty and sleazy, basing my opinion on the many voice pages she left H.<P>You know before my H left he was trying to end it, but she kept on paging, she would say she was praying to God every day he'd leave me. He did leave so I'm thinking God listened, but I thought God honored marriage???? Still wondering about that one.<P>I'm so tired of this situation. It sickens me, never thought my life would turn out like this, never in a million years. You get what you get.<P>I'm not talking to H right now, he's been calling but I'm not picking up. I'm very upset. I just HURT so much I don't know what to say to him. If I can't have him back, what's the use of talking.<P>He told me the other day "I will always love you and carry you around in my heart". WHAT IS THAT, a line?????? I bought it too. I'm a dork!<P>Jo<P>

Jeez Missy9, how do you do it, with children, you are very strong.<P>Are you on meds cuz I don't know how I could handle it and take care of kids too. If your at the 5 mos mark in separation, your on the stretch homeward, just a month or so and your H may start seeing things differently. Depleted euphoria. I'll pray he does.<P>I get so angry when I think how H thinks what he's doing is so RIGHT. He's so confident it's the right thing to do. But if that's true than why does he feel so much guilt. Lately my prayers have been he accept God into his life and become a Christan. Maybe you can add that to your tonight?<P>Jo

Me again ... you know I'm half way considering getting a boob job. I mean if that's what makes my H happy, wouldn't that fit in the Harley Principals "Don't be the cause of your S's unhappiness".<P>Hear they only cost $5K.<P>Jo<BR>

You are a character!!! ))<P>I would never ever get a boob job. Maybe a boob lift but not the whole thing. <P>I finally did break down and go on medication. Let me tell you after 2 weeks on this stuff, I feel like a new person. I just don't feel as depressed. I can actually get thru the day and not be consummed by this for 24 hrs. I do still think about it so often and its always on my mind going to sleep and the first thing I think about waking up every moring. <P>I have done so much praying to god in the last 5 months and I too feel like he is not listening. So, I think tonight I am going to pray to Gods Mother because everyone listens to their mother( HAHA HAHA)<P>This web site is truly the only source of hope I get out of my situation. And of course all of Dr Harleys books. I really dont talk to any of my friends or family about Doing plan a or even wanting to get my h back. They are all so angry with him and I think They would lose alot of respect for me if I did take him back. <P>I also have been to 2 different psychics in the last 5 months and both of them told me the exact same thing. They both said right off the bat that my h was unfaithful to me and that he is experiencing some mental problems right now. They said that the OW is no good for him and he will come to his senses. They said that we will get back together but that it might be another year from now. So, I think I use that as my hope as well. I mean it was kind of strange for two different people to tell me the same thing. ( by the way, I did not mention anything to them about what was going on, they just picked up on it.)<P>I have to say I am amazed at how strong I am lately. At times I ask my self if something is wrong with me to be this strong. OTher times I think that there is a reason for everything and God must have something in mind because he would not do this to me for no reason at all. If I was meant to be with my h for the rest of my life than I believe that will happen. If I was not then this must be why god did this to me because he must have know how terrible my h was to do these awful things to me when I didn't deserve it. <P>Ya know my h attorney also asked him why he was getting a divorce and my h told him that when it comes to this OW he just can't control himself. So, My attorney and his attorney agreed to order a psychaitric evalutaion of him because there is children involved. <P>I guess time will tell how this will all turn out. I do miss him. I miss his love and his hugs. I miss his friendship. I miss just having someone to laugh with at night.<P>I do not understand how he does not miss me. I guess the power of being with someone new is so strong it makes you forget how happy you were. I'll keep you posted....<P>

Based on what you've told me, I definitely believe your H needs a psych evaluation. My counselor wants to put H on Zoloft or Paxil. I say Good luck, he is Mr. El Natural. But ultimately I think it's a great idea as I hear those two have sexual side effects, not to his advantage either. Told the counselor not to tell him about SE. <P>Hey BTW, what meds are you taking? I'm on Visarel and Buspar, Remerron for sleep.<P>