I asked God to open my H heart to me a little to give me some hope to go on. I asked him to help me change and be a better person.<P>Today in the hour or so I saw my H he told me about work and some of the people I know there. He asked me if I was going to be able to work full time and I said I was working on it and should be able to soon.( I need to work full time to support myself and try and keep the house if he leaves) I asked if he had a timetable, meaning did I have to work full time immediatly, and he said no.<P>So am I dreaming or were my prayes answered? This is the most he has talked to me in awhile. He even made a point to come to the back yard and say bye when he was leaving.<P>So I have the much revised letter that you all helped me with last week. I am thinking of leaving it for him tomorrow. Then if he doesn't respond (his usual MO) can I ask him to discuss it with me? I am scared, but more hopeful then I have been in awhile. Help.<BR>Lora

No replys, do I have to get winey here? <P>I was hoping some one would give me some advice on leaving the letter. I guess I will do it anyhow. Wish me luck. <P>I would still like some suggestions on how to get him to discuss it afterwards in a non LB way.<BR>Lora

Lora,<P>I remember the letter...<BR>...and my comments as well as other's comments.<P>Go for it!<BR>Send that letter!<P>As far as getting him to discuss it...<BR>...that's like saying you "want to educate him"... <P>This is the hard part of Plan A.<P>If he know the "big picture" that is great...<BR>...but if you're looking for a discussion...<BR>...focus in on something smaller...<BR>...and see if he'd have time for a "light" discussion on just one thing.<P>Just an idea...<P> <P>Jim

Thanks Jim,<P>I'm just having alot of anxiety about doing this. I feel like its my last chance or something.<P>So you are saying there is no way to get my confilct avoider H to discuss things with me? <P>I saw that this is a tough day for you too, and you will be in my prayers.<BR>Lora

Lora,<P>Your H, like most men, dread the thought of a long discussion about emotional issues...<BR>...it's one step away from the feeling you get doing taxes... and owe a bundle.<P>All I'm suggesting is... when you want to discuss... let him know (and keep yourself to it) that it won't be a lengthy discussion.<P>Short but more frequent talks are better than long grueling talks.<P>Did you check out any of Dr. Harley's books or links to "negotiations"?<P> <P>Jim

Lora,<P>So how did it go with the letter ? I've been meaning to post to you because in your posts our H's sound SO alike - noncommunicative, complacent etc.<P>I don't think I saw the letter - where are you two at in all of this? I know how hard it is to figure out what to do when you don't know what your H is thinking/feeling.<P>Hand in there!<P>

Due soon,<P>Well the letter is quite aways back there, but it was basically to tell him what I thought our problems were ,how I was working on taking respibility for my part and how I was trying to change.I also asked him to try and tell me what he thought and that I would try and listen without judging...I tried to slip a little in there about the OW, but Jim called me on it and I took it out.<P>We are in limbo, or is it pergatory? 2 weeks ago he finally came out with saying that he wanted out of our relationship. I have backed off, given him space, although I asked him to move into the spare room instead of leaving. I have continued my plan a , have continued to do some things for him, have left notes telling him what I am doing. I am trying to build up my hours to full time to get medical and to try and keep the house. We haven't talked about our relationship or plans since that talk. He mostly avoids me, yesterday was the most we have talked in awhile... 15 min or so. But he had things to tell me, didn't seem so angry. So I don't really know what he plans at all. is he going to get a divorce ASAP? Who knows.<P>So I left the letter when I went to work and now he is gone. I might see him tomorrow if he doesn't spend the day off somewhere. In the past when I have left letters I never got any response. I feel like this is my last chance. If he won't talk I might LB and say I will not let him divorce me without some conversation!!!!<BR>Lora