I haven't posted in a while due to a variety of reasons, but I'm so close to the end of my rope I figured I needed all of your valuable advice and support.<P>A bit of background to refresh the memory.....<P><BR>H moved back in (he had left me two years prior to live with OW, stayed with her a year and returned to me for a year before he left again) with OW last July. His affair started with OW almost 13 years ago.<P>Nov. of last year he started telling me he does love me and wants to come back home, again.<P>Since then he has given me vauge time frames for when he will end it with her and move back home.<P>He has also given me exact times like by such and such day etc.<P>He has always come up with a reason (excuse) as to why he can't make the move just yet.<P>I told him on Easter I would not go through another holiday with him in limboland. He either comes home or he can spend his holidays with OW.<P>Of course Mother's Day (he did bring me a dozen roses and took me out to dinner) came and went as did Memorial Day (he said he'd be here but never called or showed up) and our daughter's 17th birthday (sent her flowers and signed the card love mom and dad)with out his return. So much for me sticking to my guns. ::<P>So fast forward to now.....<P>I went to a graduation party last night, for one of H's nephews. This part of his family and I are very close. There were others there that speak to me and the portion of his family that hates me and adores OW.<P>I come to find out H went to his uncle's wake ( couple of weeks ago) with OW even though he swore to me he wasn't going to go. Then a couple of people said things to me like, "Don't trust him he's talking out of both sides of his mouth." And, "OW has a very short leash on him."<P>So today I ask him why he didn't just tell me he was going to the wake, especially when I asked him if he was and told him I would understand if he went and took her, as he is living with her and she has become close to his family. He said he didn't want to hurt me. I again told him the truth doesn't hurt as much as when he lies to me. He also said the other things that were said to me weren't true.<P>OK, so I don't buy any of this but I'm maintaining plan A, but I'm on the edge of the ledge.<P>I go into the basement to look for some bateries daughter's b/f needed and I find the basement floor with an inch of water on it. I find my thousands of photos of the kids wet and stuck together. This pushes me right off the ledge.<P>I start sobbing. H says not to worry it's only pictures. He starts to clean up. I grab a bunch of suitcases and carry them up to my bedroom. I start packing. He comes looking for me and wants to know what I'm doing. I tell him I am SICK of all of this, it's my turn to leave. No one appreciates what I do and he has treated me like trash. The photos were all I had left of a normal existence. Our 14 yr old had been in the basement and looked at them and had left them on the floor. I told him this is exactly the way I, my feelings, and my belongings have been treated by not only him but by our children. I felt the best thing I could do for those I care most about was to leave their lives for good. He could move OW in and they could be the happy little family.<P>At first he was angry telling me how he has treated me like a queen, that I am showing him how he can't trust me to be there for him, yada, yada, yada.<P>I totally ignored everything he said as I emptied my drawers into the luggage and he knew I meant bussiness. He said how could I give up. How could I walk out on him and the kids if I love them? I asked him to explain it to me as this is exactly what he did. A light bulb must have gone off in his head. He started to cry. He grabbed me, hugged me and wouldn't let go. <P>We talked for hours. He told me how everything he has done is so wrong. How he lives each day with the knowledge of how he has hurt me and our children. He will spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to us. How he can't live without me. That if I leave he'd might as well kill himself as his heart would die. That the only reason he moved back in with her is because she had a plan to make huge money and she was going to share it with him. That he wanted to give us all the material things in life. That he now knows he almost threw away everything that *realy* means anything to him for a pipedream. He knows when he leaves her he will never be able to see or talk to her again. He wants our lives back. He said he turned to OW when he was depressed and didn't realize untill the past year what garbage she is and how he not only doesn't love her but can't stand her. His life is a nightmare with her in it. That his family has treated me so badly because he told them untrue things about me to make them accept the OW. That he never told his family that that he had lied to them. He also has not told them of OW's daily pot smoking, her shaddy past or extent of her adult children's nasty lives. He said so much more, I can't begin to even remember it all let alone type it.<P>I asked him why he isn't home if this is how he feels. He had told be almost two weeks ago he would *ABSOLUTELY* be home in two weeks.<P>He told me OW had lost her job, again last week. She has zero money and her house has gone into foreclouser. Her daughter (age 20) is now an exotic dancer dating the Greek Mafia's club owners son, her son is hiding from the police as there are several warrents out for his arrest for nonpayment of child support and blowing off the past 5 court dates. That if he walks now she will take her life. Apparently she made such an attempt the last time he left her.<P>She has an appt for a job tomorrow. He's almost certain she'll get the job. Then she'll at least have an income. He told me that the two week deadline he gave me, that is up on Tues, will be very close to when he returns. He said it's just a matter of days. <P>So am I blockhead for believing him , yet again?<P>I want to so badly. I do love him. I have plan Aed till the cows come home. I have learned so much. But I am so afraid this is just another stall tactic so he can continue to have us both. <P>When do I draw the line? <P>My eldest needs to start applying to colleges. I don't know where to tell her to look. Here in the midwest or in the southwest, where I will move to if H doesn't come home.<P>My life has been in shambles for almost three years. Now it is seeping, not only into my children's lives, but into their futures.<P>Although My H pored his heart out to me today I still feel like the water in the bath tub when the plug is pulled.<P>Please give me your opinions.<P>TIA<P>FC<P>

I understand your confusion, your wanting to believe in him, and wanting to have your life back. It's hard to have a sense of security when your decision is so heavily influenced by someone else who won't commit to anything. Where is the control? <P>I'd give him until the end of the two weeks. It's fine that he broke down and had some realizations. Good. But he's got to put some backbone behind them and do something. If at some point you don't stand your ground, things will just continue as they are. Why should he change if there is no reason for him to?<P>Only you can decide when enough is enough.

Fingers Crossed,<P>Wow!!!<P>Now...<BR>...after I catch my breath...<BR>...and settle down...<P>I'd have to say... you are one strong woman!<P>And... I have to agree with <B>popeye</B>...<BR>Give him the two weeks...<P>But keep in mind...<BR>...most everything you've gotten from your H is just words!<BR>...very little in action.<P>As such...<BR>...start on the Plan B preparation...<BR>...you've got to protect the love you have left<BR>...get a Plan B letter going<BR>...we'll help<BR>...if he really comes home...<BR>...it's OK<BR>...if he doesn't... giving him the letter is your chance to grow...<P>Check out the older posted letters for ideas...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000098.html" TARGET=_blank>Help with Plan B letter (from Hi Infidelity)</A> <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000032.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan-B Letter; The final cut...(from WilliamJ)</A> and<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/20000110-1-011046.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101</A> has more links.<P>I know you still have love for your H...<BR>...but the needle is fast approaching "E" (empty)...<P>I'll be praying for you... <P>Plan for Plan B.<P> <P>Jim