My medicine is working and I'm not in pain right now. I think that movie "American Pie" helped. I got to laugh a lot.<P>I'm going to be real careful from now on in what I say. I don't want people here to be angry at me, but if you are, please don't carry it over into this thread. I have decided that I'm no longer going to talk about my H's mother anymore and that I won't really say anything about my situation either. I think it would be better if I just asked "general" questions.<P>OK, for my first general question, besides Plan A, is there anything else that one can do to alleviate stress between the two spouses? I thank you in advance for your replies and if I don't get answers, I won't whine.....honest.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by yuki miaka:<BR><B>I thank you in advance for your replies and if I don't get answers, I won't whine.....honest.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm glad you're showing a bit of a sense of humor in all of this. I, for one, do not see Plan A as a stress reliever. At least, not at first. I give, and give, and give and get very little in return. <P>I found out that if I do things to relieve stress im me, it ultimately has a positive effect on all around me. I ride my bike, work out, go skating, play with my sons, and other things. I also vent my anger on "inanimate" objects and purge the negative feelings (not so much anymore).<P>My wife and I are also separated and although I resisted it, it has had an enormous calming effect since I am no longer in the "house of pain".<P>I know you've been working ahrd and have been very frustrated. Try focusing on yourself for a while. Do something YOU enjoy. <P>Also, nobody here wants to upset you. We're all in this together regardless on what side of the coin we're on. We're not professionals and are only sharing what has worked and not worked for us.<P>Prayers for you.

Hi Yuki,<P>I just wanted to say "hi" and glad to hear that you are feeling better.

Glad to see you back!<P>As for relieving stress, when things were at the worst here, we did a lot of simple things together...going to a movie, talking a walk, going dancing...anything that was a pleasant way to spend time. (We also had a lot of deep talks to work thru things, but found we needed a lot of just neutral "pleasant time" as well, and would put away those discussions when they were done, and switch to a less emotional mode and go do something fun.)<P>What kinds of things do ya'll both enjoy doing? That would be a good start...<P>Hugs--<BR>Kathi<P>

Alleviating stress between the spouses...I think most of us would sell our teeth for the perfect answer to that one! <P>What works for me:<BR>Thinking of something special to do for him. I've bought candles, Cds, cards, gum, his favorite candy, surprised him at the office with one of these tokens. I've written love notes, put them in his pockets, vehicle, planner (be careful if he's wary of you snooping). I've given neck & back rubs.<P>Actions: I've given neck & back rubs. Meet him at the door with a smile & a kiss (keep in mind we've been separated something like 14 months out of the past 20 months). I collect funny stories from work, with the kids, or even sometimes from this board to tell him so that not every conversation is about "us". I invite him for meals, keep his soda & beer favorites in the fridge, I ask him out or to join me or the kids for activities.<P>Our first, not-so-good counselor gave us one piece of good advice and that was to take a break from the misery, act "as if" things were ok.<P>I guess, know his needs. If you haven't read HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS by Harley or THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Chapman, give that a try if he won't take the questionnaire, you can really narrow it down with Chapman's book--and get to know your love language/needs.<P>And the other thing to relieve stress, did you note the things to do for you I posted on your locked thread? Physically release your own tension with workouts, walks, something...<P>Best thoughts to you.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gonnatry:<BR><B> I'm glad you're showing a bit of a sense of humor in all of this. I, for one, do not see Plan A as a stress reliever. At least, not at first. I give, and give, and give and get very little in return. <P>I found out that if I do things to relieve stress im me, it ultimately has a positive effect on all around me. I ride my bike, work out, go skating, play with my sons, and other things. I also vent my anger on "inanimate" objects and purge the negative feelings (not so much anymore).<P>My wife and I are also separated and although I resisted it, it has had an enormous calming effect since I am no longer in the "house of pain".<P>I know you've been working ahrd and have been very frustrated. Try focusing on yourself for a while. Do something YOU enjoy. <P>Also, nobody here wants to upset you. We're all in this together regardless on what side of the coin we're on. We're not professionals and are only sharing what has worked and not worked for us.<P>Prayers for you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for replying! Yeah, I can be pretty "laughable" when I'm not angry or sad. I think laughing is fun, don't you? And yes, you're right, I have been working hard even if my "work" hasn't been recognized. I am worried about me. I no longer ask my H where he's been and what he does when I'm gone. I've gotten to the point where I don't care anymore because if he is doing something behind my back, I can't stop him.<P>As far as relieving my own stress, I like listening to video game music, dancing with my son (it's really cute watching a 2-year-old dance! ), looking for new video game music soundtracks, watching funny animes, working on my web page(s), playing video games, playing with my son, and talking to my friends on the net. I don't know if I'm doing enough stuff to keep busy, but I'd be more than glad to add some more suggestions to my list. Got any good ideas? <BR><P>------------------<BR>ahhh....vg music has that calm effect....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NoTrust:<BR><B>Hi Yuki,<P>I just wanted to say "hi" and glad to hear that you are feeling better.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi to you too! <P><P>------------------<BR>ahhh....vg music has that calm effect....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kam6318:<BR><B>Glad to see you back!<P>As for relieving stress, when things were at the worst here, we did a lot of simple things together...going to a movie, talking a walk, going dancing...anything that was a pleasant way to spend time. (We also had a lot of deep talks to work thru things, but found we needed a lot of just neutral "pleasant time" as well, and would put away those discussions when they were done, and switch to a less emotional mode and go do something fun.)<P>What kinds of things do ya'll both enjoy doing? That would be a good start...<P>Hugs--<BR>Kathi<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for answering me! As far as things that we both like doing......well.....lemme think.....I remember we both used to listen to that same music, but I totally switched mines to video game music and he listens to rap. We both like to watch anime. We both like to play with our son. That's all I can really think of right now.<P>We used to have a lot in common when we were first together, but now we're struggling to do things together since he has been working at Best Buy (weird schedule). Any ideas? <P><P>------------------<BR>ahhh....vg music has that calm effect....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lor (Lor):<BR><B>Alleviating stress between the spouses...I think most of us would sell our teeth for the perfect answer to that one! <P>What works for me:<BR>Thinking of something special to do for him. I've bought candles, Cds, cards, gum, his favorite candy, surprised him at the office with one of these tokens. I've written love notes, put them in his pockets, vehicle, planner (be careful if he's wary of you snooping). I've given neck & back rubs.<P>Actions: I've given neck & back rubs. Meet him at the door with a smile & a kiss (keep in mind we've been separated something like 14 months out of the past 20 months). I collect funny stories from work, with the kids, or even sometimes from this board to tell him so that not every conversation is about "us". I invite him for meals, keep his soda & beer favorites in the fridge, I ask him out or to join me or the kids for activities.<P>Our first, not-so-good counselor gave us one piece of good advice and that was to take a break from the misery, act "as if" things were ok.<P>I guess, know his needs. If you haven't read HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS by Harley or THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Chapman, give that a try if he won't take the questionnaire, you can really narrow it down with Chapman's book--and get to know your love language/needs.<P>And the other thing to relieve stress, did you note the things to do for you I posted on your locked thread? Physically release your own tension with workouts, walks, something...<P>Best thoughts to you.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Lor! I did get him to take that questionnaire awhile back and it was pretty funny that his most important need was affection, but he has a really hard time giving it back unless I do something first. Weird, huh?<P>I did some of the things that you talked about and the medicine has finally stopped messing up my stomach so I feel better now. I was watching a movie yesterday so that helped too. It was really funny.<P>I shall look into getting a couple of the books mentioned on this site. Money's kinda tight right now because I'm "saving", if you know what I mean......<P>I have to go now and thanks for your reply (you know, maybe I should make that a part of my signature so that I don't have to keep typing it over and over! )! You have a nice day!<P>PS BTW, I don't know how you'll feel about this, but some of the friends that I have on the net that are really nice people, I like to call them "nice lady". You seem like one of those people. <P><P>------------------<BR>ahhh....vg music has that calm effect....

Yuki,<P>I do have one more thing to suggest. Get outside!!! It sounds like you're doing some good things but you in the house the whole time. Try to do something away from the house if you can. Getting away from the "house of pain" even for a short while will help.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by yuki miaka:<BR>[B]My medicine is working and I'm not in pain right now. I think that movie "American Pie" helped. I got to laugh a lot.<P>B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>yuki, <BR>i'm glad you are feeling better, but you have me concerned.. medicine, pain??? is this about what you posted a different thread about on the OtherTopics board?<P>If so, i do hope you are feeling better soon, and remember to take plenty of fluids, preferrably Cranberry Juice, and lots of water.<P>by the way.. American Pie has to be one of the greatest funniest movies i had seen in a long time.. i nearly peed my pants watching that flik! Good Choice of movies to put you in a better mood. another good one is "superstar"... check it out!<P>thoughts and prayers....<P>CDA<P><p>[This message has been edited by CDA 72 (edited June 06, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gonnatry:<BR><B>Yuki,<P>I do have one more thing to suggest. Get outside!!! It sounds like you're doing some good things but you in the house the whole time. Try to do something away from the house if you can. Getting away from the "house of pain" even for a short while will help.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi! Yes I do go outside, that's what I'm almost never here on the weekends because I spend it with my family and I go to church on Sundays. I will try to get out more often! Thanks!<P><P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Oh yeah, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR REPLIES!!!:) Very much appreciated!:)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CDA 72:<BR> yuki, <BR>i'm glad you are feeling better, but you have me concerned.. medicine, pain??? is this about what you posted a different thread about on the OtherTopics board?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes that's exactly what I had. I'm feeling much better, though. I think the medicine is killing it. I'm doing good drinking cranberry juice. I even drank it the whole day I found out I had one. I guess I'm doing alright, right?<P>Yes, American Pie was soooooo funny! Me and my H were watching that and I swear the people in the townhouses beside us were wondering what was going on! <P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Oh yeah, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR REPLIES!!!:) Very much appreciated!:)