I have had 2 different D days in the last year same woman,one D day during recovery and therapy. We have been in recovery since last August. My H tries so hard to do everything right to make up for the Affair. But...I have been getting that gut feeling that he is seeing her (very little but seeing her) I guess it's that risk thing? Not sure what the heck is wrong with me,,,for him???? I called her last night first time in months and months, of course after probing me to see what I knew or what kind of "proof" I had she denied it! She said "we are just friends" What part of "NO CONTACT" does my H not understand. I confronted my H last night telling him that I think he saw her yesterday and of course he said "OH my God here we go again you love starting trouble don't you" why don't you call her....I said "I did" and she covered for you but she also said "we're just friends" he said "friends" "why did she say that" "I have not talked to her" we dropped it, he went outside to talk to a neighbor and I took a tylonol PM and went to bed...it's always me that stays up all night worrying about this marriage not him. He had a two year affair and I guess what sacrifices that it would take to keep his family together is not gonna happen. I do believe he wants this marriage to work, and have her to, I guess???No I have no proof just that gut feeling (that I ignored for so long before) and a distinct smell on his shirt. <P>I wish all of you happiness but I just can't keep hanging in limbo with such a risk taker, begging me to stay....getting caught again....begging me to stay and now this. I just can't figure it out is risk that exciting? Lord knows I don't want to be a single Mom...but he gives me no alternative! I can't wait around listening to more deception. The only time he could even be seeing this OW is during work time ALL other time he has been with us....WHAT WOMAN would settle for little from someone? I don't understand. I am passed numb and just need to move on.................Please, please, please pray for my beautiful daughter.

I am in much the same situation only mine is just in the beginning of recovery. My W sees the other man only during work hours and only a few times every week. But believe me somehow they manage to have (had??) a very intense emotional and physical sexual affair. I can relate so well to the gut feeling that you talk about. I asked her the other day about what she gets out of it (the affair) and her answer was that although she loves me very much, she shares other things like poetry, books, music, movies and similar work with OM. These are things I can never fully share with her (although I've been trying to). Also by trying to share these things I'm moving away from my natural character and try to be more like OM. That feels wrong to her and to me! I too feel like I'm driving down a dead end sometimes, but somehow I manage to keep on trying and keep on loving her.<P>We have to keep the love banks overflowing and keep on believing that our loved spouses will fully return to us out of their own free will.<P>"Cast your food (love) on the water and many days later it will come back multiplied"<P>Good luck and don't give up!!<BR>_________<BR>Van<BR>

Van, <BR>Thanks for your reply, it makes me sad to know that someone else is actually going through the same pain and agony as I. <BR> I will never give up on me or my daughter....but if I am not enough for H as is then it's time...at least I have tried. You don't give up! I hope your story ends up being a very successful one. I admire your courage and persistance.<BR>

Gosh KWAS and Van you could be describing MY life.<P>I completely understand the "gut" feeling you have. EVERYTIME I have ever had it, I have been right! When I confronted my h about the first EA, he stopped it almost immediately, got another job to get away from her and I thought it was all over. Less than 2 years later he was in another one with another co-worker. Had that gut feeling again and started snooping and found the emails...his first reaction was to argue they were just friends. So here was I losing sleep, crying at night, and him just laying in the bed pleasantly snoozing away. I told him I'd leave him if it continued. Did that stop him? Heck no, it just got deeper! He was lying to me and telling me they had no contact since she moved to a new job, but they were. Gut feeling told me it was happening again. I said "no contact!" I asked him to send her a goodbye email. He couldn't do it until I practically made him. <P>But..there's still that wonder, are they still communicating only gotten better at hiding it? I just don't know!! I live with that anguish everyday too.<P>KWAS, someone told me that it IS the risk somehow. I don't understand the fascination of it, but it's there somehow and I think to some extent it is true. <P>Van, I heard that story too about how he shares things with the OW that they have in common. Bull****!! That's NO excuse to hurt you spouse like that...it's just that, an excuse! But, alas I too love my spouse so dearly that I have allowed this to happen because I want my marriage to work. But..I won't be a victim to it if it ever happens again.<P>I feel now as though if I have to worry that my spouse will leave me for another woman, then I believe my spouse has already left! Does that make sense?<P>Hang in there guys,<P>Windy