This is all so funny to him. He laughs about everything. His visitation night tonight. He justs laughs and tells the girls he thinks it is so funny what their mom is trying to do. Told them in a couple weeks...she won't think she is so high and mighty.<P>He actually thinks that I feel I am so high and mighty. <P>I have been crying for a couple hours....no...the girls don't know. He just started laughing at me when he dropped them off tonight. I drove down the street and he was sitting in my driveway....in his car, alone. The girls were sitting on the front porch waiting for me.<P>It is so sad. The girls on the porch...him in his car...and he didn't even care that they didn't want to sit in the car with him. They have nothing to talk about....nothing in common.<P>They ran to my van and I stopped next to the house...he pulled out...rolled down his window and was laughing and trying to say something to me. Thank God I had my window up.<P>He has lost it. He makes my stomach so sick.<P>No need to reply...just felt so sad and lost tonight. I hate all of this...i hate feeling like crap.....I hate the girls feeling like crap....and I hate seeing him think it is so funny.<P>Nancy

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Nancy,<BR> No wonder you feel like you're going crazy.I wish I could make you feel better.I don't see my W,but I still get triggers.Got some mail(junk)addressed to her today.Now I'm mad again.Will it ever go away?<BR> I'll never understand what goes through their head.I knew my W for 25 years,and I can't even talk to her.She,too,was laughing when she was telling me all about her new BF,while I was bawling my head off.How do they do it.I could never hurt anyone like that,and I don't think you could either.I think you got it wrong,our spouses are the ones who are MENTAL.<BR> --Murph<BR>

Nancy, I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry that you and your daughters are going through this. <P>This is so hard for adults to understand, I cannot even imagine how a child is understanding it. And in fact that's what I told my kids. I didn't think they could even expect to understand it if even the adults (including his mom/grandmom) couldn't.<P>You have to search very deep to come to some sort of understanding of why your children have to face this kind of stuff.<P>A knife twists in my heart every time I look into my childrens faces re: their dad....My H was very cold at first, but has softened though not normal at all, but the behavior your H has shown is beyond insensitive.<P>Is there a support group for your children. Have you thought about a alanon group? Apparently, the people that attend are not always from the typical addictions. It seems that there is finally an acceptance that there are many different addictions in our society. <P>Do you have a pet in your house??? You probably do...I didn't....and I started with a hamster....Jack..and he has been very therapeutic for my children. <P>And what about you....what do you do for yourself (other than MB). I want you to know I really understand what it feels like to have a person change overnight. It is hard to view anything as real.. <P>Strength comes from within us....It is all there...I know we remind eachother to be strong on this site, and I am eternally grateful for that. <P>Just so you know....you are in my prayers and I hope so much that your daughters can weather this storm in their lives.<P>I think they can. I recently met a young man who was remarkable. He was smart, kind, thoughtful and respecting. When I heard his history I wanted to cringe. His "real" mom left him and his dad and then died in a car accident when he was a toddler. His fathers next wife was an alcholic. He was pretty much emotionally abused while his father never dealt with the problem. He told me of all the disipline problems he had as a youngster, and yet, I found such a light within him. He was very into nature and animals and had such a bond with them. (he had lots of pets). I actuallylooked at him and had hope for the first time for my own children who are so much luckier in many ways.<P>Just know, when you cry, I cry with you!!!!but we can and will get through this.

MENTAL,<P>I have been following your posts, but have never replied, but just want you to know the horror of your situation has touched me. Your H takes the cake for the biggest [censored]**** on these boards! I don't know how you have not harmed him by now.<P>I wanted to tell you mental, that you are admired by me. You just take this garbage and keep growing and learning. You protect your girls through such adversity! How you have survived is a miracle to me, and should prove to you that for the rest of your life you can survive anything thrown at you.<P>I am hoping so hard that this man does not get these girls, and if there is any justice in the world he will end up with not only daughters that detest him, but nothing to show for his pathetic life.<P>You are just doing great. I am hoping the worst is over for you. Just wanted you to know that I do have you in my prayers...allison

{{{{{{{{{{Nancy}}}}}}}}}},<P>I have to agree...<BR>...your H is the biggest $$$$$$$ of all WS on the forum...<P>A man as cruel as this has his mind and soul held by a great evil...<P>I'll pray for him... <P>But even more so...<BR>I'm praying for you and your girls... <BR>...your teaching them so much of how to be fully human... and fully woman!<P>Vent dear Nancy... every day if you have to!<P> <P>Jim

Nancy,<P>I think that you need to change your forum nickname because I think that you aren't mental at all. I think that your crazy H is! He is the psycho mental one!<P>I pray that he won't get custody and that the tables turn when Court time comes.<P>Keep documenting everything, give it to your lawyer and stay strong!<P>An additional note: With the way your H has turned out to be...I would think that you would be happy to get rid of him. He really sounds wacko!

Mental:<P>Its amazing how someone we have loved has such power to hurt us. Why does the opinion of someone so obviously out of it matter to us at all. Anyone else we would just say "Who Cares what he thinks" but no..this person can merely laugh at us and we are thrown into a tailspin. <P>I don't know what has brought your H to the level he's at, but you have to realize that right now his opinion is not worth taking into consideration. He is wrong..he is disturbed..he is angry at the world..he is trying to hurt you..and he may be laughing now but his time is coming and then it will be your turn to laugh. But you will be too much of a lady to do that.<P>Buffy<P>

Just wanted to say you are in my prayers, and to offer big, big hugs--<P>Kathi

Oh, Nancy.<P>I know you weren't crying because of him, I know you feel like you finally know who he is and it is such a big disappointment. <P>It is the combination of everything right now that has you feeling blue. But, it won't always be like this.<P>You will get past this garbage, you will. All you can do right now is manage to do the best job you can, protect your kids, yourself and get past all this junk. Better days will be ahead - it is just that there is such a fine line between love and hate.<P>When you have passionately cared about someone and they dump on you as bad as your STBX has, it is really hard. We don't move into indifference easily, but - we do eventually move there. Sometimes it can take a long time, but we finally get there. and then we feel so foolish for having allowed ourselves to wallow in our sadness.<P>One day you will look at him, and you will say "What was all the fuss about? He isn't worth one ounce of sadness! I can't believe I used to love this guy once!"<P>We were about halfway through the custody case and I looked at my X in court and the thought came to me. I haven't regretted the ending of our relationship since. And, I am embarassed that I once loved the jerk.<P>God Bless You. You will get past this. I promise.<P>TNT

Nancy,<P>As your divorce gets closer and closer I fear more and more for you and your children...<P>Document and tape record... keep everything he says to you and give it to your attorney! I can't believe that they are not telling you to do this already! <P>Take care with this divorce and do it right the first time so you can put him in his place... where he belongs...<P>I'm so sad for you and your children! I'll be keeping you in my prayers...

Thank you all for replying...even though you didn't have to.<P>The tears are now dried up.....but my mind is still spinning.<P>I do agree....he is the biggest [censored] of all the WS. But it runs much deeper than that.<P>That is the problem...if he was just an a-hole......it would be so much easier.<P>The girls will be leaving for 10 days with him tomorrow. Disney World must be out. He hasn't mentioned it again. I just hope they remain safe with him...I will be so worried.<P>I'll probably spent way too much time here during those days.<P>Thank you<P>Nancy

Sweetpea,<BR>Thanks.....I didn't even think about the calling card. I am going to get them one tomorrow...thanks.<P>I know he isn't taking them to Disney World....but maybe south for a few days. I will have to explain the card to her.<P>I am so glad you mentioned that......big hugs<P><BR>Nancy

Mental, believe me when I say your husband is the one that is hurting through all of this. Why do you think he would make such a dramatic impression everytime he see's you or is around you. He is trying to press every button that you have to lash out at you. Obviously, he feels that you are better than him or he wouldn't have made that HIGH & MIGHTY statement. It is typical of betrayers to turn their guilt and anger on the wounded spouse. He knows he is wrong but he is trying to blind it by turning everything on you. And you are showing that you ARE the better person because his anger shows right through of how much your mature attitude get's to him. You are doing the right things and he knows it, he just can't handle it. Let it slide off your back and keep going forward as you have been. Cry, moan to us, but keep your strong face on in front of him. He'll see that you are truly the HIGH & MIGHTY one and will regret EVERYTHING. Be patient, but take care of what you need to take care of as always.