I may sound crazy, but here goes: I've been posting here for about a week or so. I think it has really helped me, because it's been like a therapy for me. I'm reading a lot and getting feed back, too. But somehow, I feel like this forum has me obsessing more about the XOM. Not because of what anyone has told me, but because I'm constantly analyzing this situation. And reanalyzing, too. Could this be a bad thing in my recovery (reading and posting)? It seems like I'm becoming obssessed w/getting online to come to the MB forum. I'm constantly checking to see how everyone's doing, and getting different points of view. So, why would this be a bad thing? It just seems I keep the XOM on my mind so much more since I've been trying to "fix" my feelings. As I type right now, I wish I could call XOM. That's totally stupid! I guess I'm not as under control as I thought I was. I'm just curious if anyone has experienced more confusion reading other posts? Can anyone help me, please don't think I'm nuts!! <BR>

For me being here has been incredibly helpful and was the thing that got me to the point where I was NOT obsessing anymore. It made me feel like my experiences were normal. It also made me ask myself the hard questions because I was getting to a place where I could see reality more clearly. It made me want resolution. <P>Maybe that is what is happening with you? Maybe you are questioning what you and your X had and need some validation? I am NOT advocating calling him by any means. I don't think that is a good idea at all! Perhaps if you hang out here some more you can get some answers without having to go there? Maybe you can do some research of people who have situations similar to yours and see how their lives played out?

Thank you, popeye. I've discussed w/some, and it has really been helpful. But, it's still has me questioning so many things. I think you're right about the seeking clarity. I think I'm trying to do that, and I'm convinced I'm still going through withdrawl. I think that's what's getting me. So, I guess hacking it out on my keyboard is the best release? Do you all agree? I think it is a release for me, but it does have me thinking about XOM a lot (that part concerns me). I hope that will lead to some healing and more realizations for me. Thank you! <P>

momma:<P>How are you doing? I find myself racing to this board at times...but the "obsession" (for want of a better term) did subside some. Of course, here I am instead of updating charts for work...<P>I agree with Popeye that you may be thinking a lot about XOM because you are analyzing the relationship. There is nothing wrong with that, but I hope you don't act on it! That would be upsetting the recovery. I think that banging away on your MB keyboard is the best thing for you to do with regard to XOM. You're doing great, I think, in overcoming your withdrawal symptoms!<P>How are things otherwise in your recovery?<P>All the best to you! --HBC

Well, doing pretty good. I go back and forth, but I have not made any contact. BTW, I saw XOM today driving on the road (close up), and it bugged me a bit, but not as much as I expected! YAY!!! That's progress! Made me feel a little sad, but not psychotic!!<P>I think I'm overcoming my withdrawl, too. But some days...... It's still tough, but I'm hanging in there. XOM is ABSOLUTELY not worth losing my H and family over. That keeps me going! Thanks so much! I'll keep banging the keyboard and try not to obsess!! <P><p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 08, 2000).]

You're doing a great job Momma! It's not easy but very worthwhile.<P>Keep up the good work and post alot.<P>Jo

Thank you, Resilient!!<P>

Hi Momma...I've been away from the MB for a few days...and boy can I relate to your comments about XOM. I feel exactly the way you do. You said it well. I do find reading and posting is helping to vent those feelings and do find comfort in yours and others experiences knowing I'm not alone. <P>Hang in there. For me much prayer and crying out to God has brought relief. And even though I feel as you do, that OM is not worth losing my H....those feeling are still real that you shared with him. I have to totally surrender all of this to God, I know it's a moment by moment decision that requires a lot of discipline of my thoughts. Not easy when you cared for someone. <P>Even though I found out a lot about OM that I didn't like, I still did care deeply and the emotional connection was still very real despite the truth of his dysfunctional heart. <P>Praying for you, Momma....<BR>

Thank you, Wings!!! You don't know how much it means to me to read your words of encouragement and understanding! It's so good to have someone who can relate to what I'm going through. It can be tough when you don't have anyone to talk to about this subject. My best friend and I have talked this to death, she's been there through the whole thing. But, she still doesn't completely understand it, because she hasn't been there. <P>I've decided that I have a pretty wonderful life and family. Things could be a lot worse. Actually, I don't have much to complain about. So, I need to remember to count my blessings and quit worrying about the past and focus on the future. Doesn't that sound like a good idea?! <P>You're right, Wings, those feelings for OM were very real and deep, and they don't just go away over night. It's truly losing someone, a friend. And it's different than if he had died, because I still know he's out there (and not very far away!). It just takes a lot of self control and smart thinking to keep me in line! It so strange, because you would think this would not be so complicated or difficult, but it is! I guess only the one that's been there really understands. Some days I look at myself and think, what is your problem... things could be sooo much worse!! Like I said, I count my blessings. Do you know this hymn?<P> Count your blessings, name them one by one. . . . .Count your many blessings, see what God has done. <P>I'm praying for you, too, Wings!!!! <P>