I honestly don't believe he could say such a thing to his D's, talk about trying to lay a guilt trip on them. He got here at 3 Friday, emailed all the internet sites he left on our computer to his email account. Which by the way he does not have access to a computer any more, so why does he need them anyway. LIE, LIE, LIE!!!<P>Then proceeds to tell them that "no wonder mom needed the weekend away with the stunts you pull" the 16 yr old was going to be home at 8 and then called him and asked if she could stay out to 9:30, If she had not called, he would have something to complain about but lay on them that they sent me away! <P>God Bless both of them, I talked to them and they knew I was not trying to escape them. I missed them but just needed some quiet time and I thought H and D's would enjoy having some time together. So I packed up, let him stay at the house for the weekend w/girls because he is staying w/friends and could not take them there.<P>Am I nuts?? Is it possible to start feeling hate. I can take a lot, BUT when you start picking on my children, his own children, you have got to be the most SELFISH!, SELFCENTERED!, UNCARING!, MASOCHISTIC!, SON OF !!ITCH! OUT THERE. This is the same man that told the OW that he could never do anything to hurt his children. GREAT LINE!!!!! It really picks up the women!! It gave him sympathy, stroked his ego! Gave him a completely false sense of pride!!<P>The counselor gave him a book to read last Thursday, and I know he has not even opened it. He has told everyone here that we are getting a divorce and now he is afraid of how it will look if we don't, his pride. The funny part is everyone thinks he is nuts! and that I am nuts for wanting to work it out! I have never lived on what other people thought, I have always tried to do what I thought was right.<P>I had to vent this one, I have not said anything to him about it, at least not yet but this has been tearing me up. How do you think so little of yourself, he has to be little everyone around him, just so he can feel better about himself. That will only work so long before it comes back to bite you, he does not realize what is being said about him in this community, even I did not know how these people thought of him. <P>It explains the type of people he is hanging around with.<P>Thanks for letting me vent, I just wanted to explode!<P>Lila<P>

Lila,<P>I'm in the same boat...<BR>...and just finished reading <B>willbok99 </B>'s 2 posts on the D/D forum...<P>It is so sad when the WS just falls off of the "rational" world.<P>My W too... this weekend... could wait to stay to the end of our d's dance recital... because she would have had to see me (the ogre) dance too (we have a "dancin' dads routine at the end of the show)...<BR>so my W didn't get to see our d get her 5 year award... publically recognized in front of all! <P>SELFISH!, SELFCENTERED!, UNCARING!...<BR>the list keeps growing.<P>I'm praying for you too.. <P>Jim

Hi Lila -<P>I hear you!!!<P>You know that he needs help with himself and until he recognizes that and gets it....these influences will continue to dominate him, right?<P>I have one of my own.....you know that he is the same!!!! <P>I don't have the children for him to mess up though, thank God.<P>That is where you have to be your strongest....protecting the kids....<P>I don't think that they are too young to grasp the understanding that sometimes people have crisis' - internal battles where they are so confused that they lash out and hurt those they love the most.....<P>Let them understand what is going on. Don't hide and cover up. Understanding is the key we all should learn about people!!! Including Moms and Dads!!!<P>Work through the anger Lila...you are taking his non-brain function and making it too personal!!! He is not himself.<P>Think about it....all who are around see it!!! It effects every one of them also. This is HIS behavior and has nothing to do with you - don't allow it to effect your own happiness, emotions, day to day living.<P>Just pray for him, encourage him, love him and believe in him......he has to do the rest!!!!<P>Anger will not help him or you or the girls!!!!<P>He is not sane enough to see, let alone accept the responsibility!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Explode Away Lila!<P>Do it here and vent as much as you need to. It's natural to be angry and healthy to vent it.<P>I don't get it either, H is soooo worried what ppl think of him wrt to financial and credit standing, but when it comes to morals and morality, he doesn't seem to care. Ppl have sd degrading things to him wrt his promiscuity, but his take on it is they're jealous. You believe that? Jealous of what? <P>I feel sad for him. He bases his entire self worth solely on his libido. I'm not saying sexuality isn't important, but you need to have a balance.<P>I don't believe you hate you H. You feel intense anger right now because you don't understand why he's doing what he's doing. But guess what Lila, he probably doesn't either. That's why you need to stay steady and stable for him as well as your precious children. They need their mom to be strong.<P>We're here to listen when you need us. Keep posting away<P>I'm sorry you're going thru this.<P>-Jo

Thank you, I actually wrote out a letter emailed it from one account of mine to another as an exercise, said all the things I would like to say but I am the only one who gets to read it. It helps some. The strange thing is that when I blew up about the kids last week, he actually got his b*tt in gear and did it! He does not respect nice. <P>I see the counselor tonight, I am supposed to call him afterwards for coffee, but at this stage I think I better not. Still to close to boiling over. You can crucify me, but target my kids and Nuclear war breaks out. Don't get me wrong, if the 16 yr old had not called in, she would have been wrong and he would have the right to tell her that her actions were wrong but she did call in and he took it out on the 13 yr old. Not even the kid he was upset with. Well thanks for putting up with me, I will probably be back ranting and raving. They counselor told us weeks ago that we were making him loony, now he is making me loony, last Tues I told him we were going for divorce, Wed. he calls and says read this book, of course get my hopes up and then this. <P>I prayed that God would give me a sign or some direction when I was driving, I had the radio on very low, when I finished my prayer Celine Dione's song about "keep up your faith, love will find a way". I almost had to pull over, was that His message to me, coincidence, am I drawing at straws. And I am sorry God for asking so much and having so many doubts. Just please protect my girls.<P>How are you doing Sheba? I hope you are out kicking up your heels!<P>------------------<BR>Lila<BR>Forgiving is hard, Forgetting is harder BUT it is not impossible

I went to the counselor, session was ok, but we needed input from "H". I was supposed to call "H" afterward so we could meet for coffee and talk a little. I did, he was angry, I asked if he had read the book, he said a little, told him the counselor wanted us to get together and go over some of it together. Then he hit me with, I filed the divorce today! <P>He said he would read the book before making any decisions. He just decided, he lied but the worst is he is lying to himself the most. I ended up driving clear to where he is staying, we had been talking on cell phones and the reception was terrible. Told him I was almost there, we talked, I stayed calm but told him now I was looking out for the girls and myself.<P>I went home, walked to a friends house and cried on them, my cell phone rings, it's "H", I knew I could not talk, I would just bust, explode. So I did not answer it, then he drives up, I tried to walk away, he says he just came for the shirt he left here. My D called me on the cell phone and I had missed it, I tried calling her back as I was walking back to the house and he yelled at me "what are you doing! calling 911!". that was all it took!, I yelled A$$h**e at him! He has boxes of work books at the house I started putting them in his truck, he would not take them. Pushed them back at me! I went in the house and got the shirt and the dozen roses I had sent him for the weekend w/the girls and put them in the front seat of his truck. He came up behind me and I pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, so he yells that I hit him, then he gets in the truck and knocks over the roses, water runs all over the seat! and he yells that I did it! All anger, when did I lose the right to be human, I am not supposed to be human, he can set me up, so he can call me violent! <P>Then my "D" tells me that he told her last week that I have hit him, and he can't live with that! Last summer after I found out and he kept going into the porn sites, I lost it one night and pounded on his chest!<P>He is trying to set me up to look bad, there are a lot of things that I have not told my daughters but he is trying to dig up anything he can. Well he can keep digging! I have not tried to make him look bad to the girls and have tried to be supportive of their father to them, but I guess I don't deserve the same! <P>because he works nights one week and days the next and I had him start everyother weekend taking the girls, he says I set it up that way just so he could not go out at night!! He is away almost 14 hrs a day on night shift, he can't leave the girls alone at night like that. <P>At the end he called and left a msg on our machine that he sees that he made the "right decision"!!<P>JUST KEEP SLAPPING ME, OH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!!

Lila,<P>Take a deep breath, now slowly let it out.<P>The first thing we have to do is get you calm. He knows which button to push, so he pushes it.<P>No matter what, don't hit him again ! He could have you arrested, you don't need that neither do your children.<P>I suggest you get or make a damn-it doll, here is a link, <BR> <A HREF="http://www.huskins.com/strega/dammit.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.huskins.com/strega/dammit.html</A> <P>use this to take care of your anger pain and frustration. Yes you have a right to be angry and you have a right to let him know about it, but hitting him isn't the answer, it only makes things worse for you and lessens any chance there may be for reconciliaton. Or at least having a peaceful co-parenting relationship. <P><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Deb,<P>That's just it, I never touched him, just the cigarette and I then I backed away but he was yelling. He has become verbally abusive and it has been growing and growing. My 16 yr old told me that she has felt it for a long time. (this came from my conversation last night with her about how she felt when I told her we were getting the divorce. She said Mom, Dad has been Grumpy and Grouchy for so long I don't miss it, and she told me that because her room was next to ours she over heard a lot of what was said, which I never knew until last night! She had never said a word about it until now.)<P>------------------<BR>Lila<BR>Forgiving is hard, Forgetting is harder BUT it is not impossible

Does anyone know if you can get an injunction to keep "H" away because of the verbal abuse? I have to keep him away from me, I don't want to be triggered. I have an appointment with my attorney, Monday morning.<P>My Mom is coming this weekend to help me, where I have tried to support his relationship with the girls, he has started to say bad things about me to them but luckily they seem to be mature enough to recognize what he is doing. AND he is doing more harm to his relationship with them.<P>This is nuts!!!, all that comes out is anger, anger, anger and now he is trying to set me up by pushing me with the verbal abuse.<P>------------------<BR>Lila<BR>Forgiving is hard, Forgetting is harder BUT it is not impossible