Please forgive me if this becomes long.<BR>I just started Plan A last week. I did good and bad, and yesterday I was so upset to find out he went to see OW after telling me he would be here for a while. Also next monday is the day we met so I wanted to do something together.. Now he's gone! I e-mailed him to call me and he did today. Before all of this(Plan A) we stopped contacting each other (at the time the reason was for him to find out what he really wanted but later I realized it was for me too to have peace, not having to think about H and OW in the present), now we do talk and he's hiding this from OW, so I felt like I was the one who's having an affair with H(isn't this crazy??), so I told him it wasn't cool to hide things if he was serious about their relationship.. I know it sounds very weird especially when I want him back so badly. But at the same time I don't want to do stuff I wasn't happy when somebody did this to me.. Things I'm doing sound like I'm encouraging him to go out with OW but at the end I'm doing this for myself. Do you think I'm weird?? Because he still felt he was having an affair with OW(but now it's like official they are seeing each other), and I feel as soon as it comes out to public it's better, I said he should bring her to places she sees his friends so they acknowledge about her..I'm not sure I'm doing this to hurt myself. This is not LB, but is this kinda Plan A?? I'm very lost.

Are you also telling him that you want to work on your relatinship...THat you are learning about meeting needs and know that you and he can have a great relationship.<P>Has he made you aware of his EN's so that you can try to meet them. Are you searching inside of you to see where you can grow???<P><BR>I understand you on the getting upset thing re w. I felt really weird when my H seemed to act like he was cheating on OW. Plus her H told me she was telling him that my H was not getting near me. <P>I had a hard time with it. One day my H is kissing me in the kitchen and telling me I'll see you in 10 day...and the next thing I know he comes home "possessed" and can't seem to remember making love to me (which was pretty often here)<P>I had to emotionally distance myself from my H so I would not react or LB I guess....I have to get over how insulted I feel...particulary since this is a small town and everyone always heard me brag how wonderful my h was as a H , a person and a dad.....I feel kind of foolish now Huh!<P>But back to the plan A thing,,,,where exactly is your H with regards to his relationship with you????<P>Is he just confused and trying to figure it out or does he adamantly say he will not come back??<P>Your honesty is great. I respect you for that...you would think he would too. I think that is where my own Love bank was quickly depleted by my H. He was lying and telling me he couldn't tell me why he was lying and he even said "everyone keeps secrets"

Tootrusting(I need to have your name:-) maybe I should change mine to tootrusting2!!)<P>He knows I want to work on our relationship, although he tells me he loves me(and I believe that) but he doesn't want to come back now. I think he wants to explore and after all of that see if he still wants to be with me(I know it's very selfish but I can't change how he thinks). Right now I'm waiting but don't know how long I can, and he knows that. And yes, he's very confused, he doesn't know why he does all of this.<P>He used to tell me that he wanted affection from me, so I would think that's the #1 EN, maybe SF too. This Saturday he's going to call me since OW's going to a party and he's not(and I told him he should go so OW's friends will get to know him), so I said I want to do some test about EN, and he said ok, so we'll see. I can be affectionate but for SF he won't allow me to do anything since he's loyal to OW.<P>Right now we are like friends, but when we meet we kiss and hug.. .That's about it ant it hurts.(I'm not sure if it's better than no kiss..)<P>I wish we are living in a small town then people would know what he's doing. But we live in a city(my H moved out btw), also Ow lives far and many of his friends(and families) don't know about him having an affair.<P>Does your H's OW live in the same town?(I should read your post for your background) How were the reactions from people around you? Because my H haven'T told much to his friends not much reactions, I needed some sympathy from them.. One of e-mails from his "friend": "so how is your soap opera with MF and OW? Keep me posted" I was very hurt.<P>Thanks for the response. have a peaceful night.<BR>MF

Yes, I live in a very small town. My H was a very devoted h and father before this. My H is very confused and definately facing his shadow....MLC and it aint pretty.<P>The town reacted very negatively...to him and to her....His work won't suffer...though...but people are not impressed with his new personality.<P>His family is appalled. His sister says she is embarrassed to be related to him. THey all love him but have a real hard time with what he is doing. But of course...he doesn't remember the beginning at all. So now he just keeps saying he and Op just really enjoy working to gether and they share some common bond of antimaterialism or something.\\<P>That is how he means he changed...yet, when he came here he would obsess about the stock market on the computer...(he can't have one at his apt....nor a TV.....because of the antimaterialism thing...tho he has tons of newage gadgets and buys a new car every 3 years....this one for his mlc is a minivan.<P>I think he got worried because everyone was pretty disgusted with him walking out on his three little kids....<P>Of course he and she blamed it on me.<P>I think that is the most hurtful. My H is very reserved and quiet. I know that whatever anyone was told in his office she told them. <P>When I called to talk to someone I concidered my friend in the office to tell them my H was moving out she said..Welll we know something was wrong because H was mean and sulking around. (I guess to make me look like I was torturing him at home or something)\\<P>and then she said OP told everyone in the office that we had long term problems. <P>I can't tell you how much this hurts me. These offic workers have known me for the length of time they have known my H. THey saw me in the office at least 3 x a week. I would stop in when I was running around and also bring the kids in to see him.<P>He suddenly one day says "I upset the office staff too much and shouldn't come in" OP's H apparently told him the same thing.<P>These are hard hurts to try to deal with even if you can view it as an illness. <P>It is especially painful that he can defend a person like OP like she is mother teresa, when she can treat me like this. It's amazing that the mind will rationalize things so much to allow this...but this is my reality.<P>I still cry every night and ask for God's strength to get through the next day. My H doesn't see anyone but himself right now. I'm better off not seeing him really.<P>