I have tried to do a plan B since May. I did not send him a letter about I would be waiting when he was through with her. After repeatedly asking him to come home, telling him I loved him, what I would work on, that I was sorry for what I did wrong in the situation I decided to only communicate with him in writing and only then about money issues or things that pertained to the kids. With him I guess it is taking pressure off me not always asking him about it. Am I doing the right thing. Our court date is next month. I am trying to be tough through the lawyer and get all I can and letting him think I am going on and am ok. Is this the right thing to do?? I really hope the affair dies a natural death and he decides he wants to come home before the court date gets here!!

Bailey,<P>It sounds like you are not ok, so don't act like you are ok. The only caution is don't let yourself stay down in that hole that is calling you. Your h may or may not come back before your divorce is final. Either way, you need to work on yourself. Build yourself up and become the woman that you are intended to be. Just take care of yourself. My prayers are with you!

Thanks for your reply-I am only trying to let him see that I am not going to die from this. Do you think I should let him know that i still do not want this? I can only take him telling me it is over so many times. Any thoughts??

Bailey:<P>Are you familiar with Divorce Busters? If not, check out the Divorce Busters board, which has many people working while a divorce is pending and even some after divorce.<P>A couple of thoughts. First, this isn't pleasant, but you should prepare yourself for the likelihood that the divorce will go through. That doesn't mean it's the end of your efforts, but at this late stage, if there's nothing you can legally do to slow it down, it's the most likely outcome.<P>Secondly, there's a process recommended in DB called the Last Resort. My personal opinion is that's where you should be at this stage. It's a little different from Plan B in that interaction continues, but it's limited. It also shows your spouse that you are moving on with your life, which you must do whether or not he's coming back. The problem with Plan B after this much time is it allows the spouse to really disconnect from you and your life.<P>Begging and pleading are completely ineffective and it's fortunate you're not doing those. There is no harm in calmly telling him that you love him and wish he would be willing to work things out, in a non-lovebusting way.<P>The bottom line at this stage is the ball is in his court regarding divorce and reconciliation. This is a very hard time, but you will get through it. I think you're doing magnificently.

Thanks Distressed-I haven't heard about the divorce busters. Is in Dr. Harley's stuff-I will back out and look. At this point I am willing to try anything. Thanks for all your help.

Baily,<BR>I am in a similar situation.... Our court date is the end of next month. Have only been plan B'ing it for 5 days. It just hurt too much to talk to or see H.<P>Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you.<P>Thoughts & prayers,<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Bailey:<P>I don't know how to post a link to this board, but here's the URL for the Divorce Busters site. Also, get the book and read it. It's excellent.<P>http://www.weiner-davis.com/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi<P>I wish you much luck. I know our situations are very similar.