Hello everyone,I am new to this web site.<BR> <BR>This is not really a problem more of a frustration really. I am a hard working gal with a great full time job, which I love. Married for 7 years to the only person I have been with sexually. We don't have kids yet, I love children (so does he) and would be thrilled to be a mother, but alas - I know the birds and bees. <P>The problem is we just never have sex - I want to but he acts like he doesnt. I am 33 and he is 45 - so it must be an age thing right? I tell him that I want him and try to talk about it. He says he wants to make love with me also but it never happens. I dont really talk about it anymore. It dont thinks that is my appearance - I am in good shape, I exercise everyday and receive compliments on my looks frequently (I used to model in college).<P>I have given up so now I know exectly what I need - The FEMALE ANTIDOTE TO VIAGRA - I NEED TO LOOSE MY SEXUAL DESIRE. Just give my feelings a permanent vacation.<P>Does anyone have any ideas how to decrease ones sexual apetite - Its not large just normal or a little above. I wish that I was one of the women who have no sexual desire. Unfortunately I am not, and I saved my whole life for my husband. I know, it was stupid and very ignorant of me not to have had prior sexual experiences. Its ok though, because I am suffering for it now.<BR> <P>Wait, Wait, before you say it I must tell you that I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN and ALWAYS WILL BE FAITHFUL TO HIM ALONE.<P>Marriage is hard, but we love each other and even more we are each others ally in this life. <P>Any ideas on how I can not think abot sex and begin to eliminate my sexual desire? <P>Help me loose my sexual drive so that I can continue to survive.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Nicole321 (edited June 13, 2000).]<P>[This message has been edited by Nicole321 (edited June 13, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Nicole321 (edited June 13, 2000).]

Nicole<BR> I am in a similar situation. I married my husband when he was 42 and I was 30. Currently he is 55 and I am 42. Always in our relationship it has been me wanting to have sex and him saying no. I also thought it was an age thing. Then last Oct I found out he had been having at least one affair and multipule contacts with different women on the internet for at least 2 years. So it wasn't that he didn't want sex,just not with me. He says he has stopped the affairs but our sex life is stiil no good. I think with my husband has sexual desire but is too shy to let me in on what would please him. I have pushed and tried to find out but he won't talk. I believe it is because he loves me and feels I'll not approve or something. Could this be true with your husband? My counsler did say I should back off and let him want me. But I would wait forever. When I found out about the affair I looked thur his computer and found lots of porn stuff-mainly focusing on spanking and tying up women. So I think that is what he likes but he refuses to do any of that with me. I not sure how I'd feel about it but I'm willing to try. Anyway this may not be at all your situation. Best of luck it is difficult

I think this prob may require action/doing and not dicussion or talking. Here's some suggestions I have:<P>* Take a bubbly warm bath together w/candle lite.<P>* Give one another back rubs w/essential oils.<P>* Buy silk sheets and rent a B movie. Make his fav dinner with just a couple glasses of vino.<P>* Buy a Victoria Secrets teddy and model it for him. Tell him you bought it for him.<P>* In daily meals or juice slip him an ounce of Ginseng. I swear by that stuff. Kicks-in in about a month, but WATCH OUT! eek:<P>* Walk around the house and do household chores in skimpy stuff and bend over alot. Sorry.<P>If all else fails, this is the era of electronics, and that's all I'm gonna say.<P>Hope I haven't offended anyone. <P>------------------<BR>Jo<P>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

Nicole,<P>That's a tough question. I've been there too. It may not be an age thing unless it is definitely a physical condition you are referring to. I too had only been with him and gave myself the difficult task of just wanting less because I would not be unfaithful.<P>He just didn't seem interested, and I thought he just had a lower sex drive. That wasn't it for us.<P>There were two things I never considered, he could not have told me then either:<P>We were good friends/allies, but had lost the passion along the way. I think it is also very much emotional for men, not just women. We were both surprised to find how turned on we could get when we had deep conversations.<P>It wasn't fulfilling for him because I did not have the big O very often. There was a good thread in recovery about sex sometime ago. I think you could pull it up by doing a search on sex under title.<P>I learned the hard way. He had two EAs seeking the fulfillment he didn't get at home.<P>Amazingly, he found the confidence and I loosened up after the EAs.<P>

Nicole, I checked back to see if you replied back. Are you there?<P>I forgot to mention that children are another issue altogether. I had my first at 33, 2nd at 35, but my h is younger than I am. We still often barely find the energy to keep up with them. They are now 5 and 3.<P>Does he want children too? Or maybe the fear of pregnancy is part of it.

Thank you so much for your help. I truly appreciate it.<P>I know what I need to do. I need to find some way to make myself not have any sexual desire.<P>I will ask my Doctor. Maybe she could prescribe something so that I will loose my interest.<P>Thank you <P>Nicole

Nicole, you obviously have your reasons for believing it just is a low sex drive, but at the risk of being pushy I'm repeating the point of my post in case you missed it:<P>I also thought I had to lose mine, but that wasn't it! We went from somewhere around once a month to almost daily!<P>BTW - I don't think there are such drugs.

Nicole,<P>You say that your complete decrease in sexual desire is the thing which will solve your problem. You say that if you could have no desire, your problem would be solved. <P>However, I want to comment on a statement you made, "I know, it was stupid and very ignorant of me not to have had prior sexual experiences. Its ok though, because I am suffering for it now."<BR>Nicole, this statement seems to scream out pain, bitterness, and frustration. I have felt exactly the same way, and I do understand your frustration. Since sexual intimacy is something almost all of us want and need, I think that this need is legitimate. <P>I suggest that you post your need in the Emotional Needs section. There are many, many posts in regard to this topic, made by both men and women. I think that if you are able to learn and apply some of the strategies here, you would find that you may be able to negotiate a solution to this problem with your husband. I hope to see your posts there soon.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,<BR>John

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nicole321:<BR><B>I saved my whole life for my husband. I know, it was stupid and very ignorant of me not to have had prior sexual experiences. Its ok though, because I am suffering for it now.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Nicole, and welcome to MB. Your comment above left me scratching my head. Are you saying your lack of prior sexual experience is the cause of your situation? Somehow I rather doubt it! Your conduct is nothing less than admirable. Keep looking for what the root of the problem might be. I believe that a problem needs to be correctly identified before it can be solved. <P>Now, if I could just figure out which planet my H is from... (btw, my H avoids intimacy too, and a lot of other things. I know how you feel. Still looking for answers)