OK...<P>I have ONE Question which keeps Haunting me and I cant find it explained ANYWHERE. <P>I read the BOOK Surviving an Affair and several others, but THIS Question never seems to come up.<P>My Wife and I married 7 years have everything in common excpet I have not been meeting her Needs the last few years. The first few, we were TIGHT but have drifted.<P>She more than I as I think she was still trying to meet mine.<P>BUT Finally it became too much and she quit meeting them and had an Affair.<P>JUST RECENTLY... DAYS INTO IT...<P>I found out 7 days ago, but it CANT BE MORE than a Few weeks OLD.<P>He doesnt DO Anything but the Bar Scene thing with her, and the last two weekends Taken her out of town to the casino.<P>THATS IT.<P>They Do Spend HOURS Together.... But I cant imagine doing WHAT...<P>When Cindi and I were "In Love" and spent hours together it was planning a future and sharring the fact that we had ALL the SAME GOALS, DREAMS and LIKES....<P>I Mean ALL...<P>This HASNT CHANGED...<P>We still have the Majority of things In Common and Shared values...<P>Minus the Affair and the Bar Hopping which WE Never Did...<P>She began that Lifestyle AFTER I quit meeting her needs...<P>My Question is this...<P>WHAT NEEDS would those Be ??<P>IS it possible that, the NEEDS she really has that she wanted me to meet and that I didnt meet, are STILL NOT BEING MET AT ALL and that this Guy is Just meeting Other Needs and filling a HUGE VOID with just any old thing?<P>He is NOT involved with 90% of the things she does OUTSIDE of this new recreational Bar hopping thing she picked up.<P>By the TIME I realied WHAT was happening and Made the changes for a PLAN A, she now wont ALLOW me ANY TIME to PLAN A... she aviods when she can or Pretends we are a perfect couple, when she cant avoid me in public functions we both SHARE and Love.<P>Right now tonight they are at te cassino and then will spend the Night in a Fancy Hotel and have Great Sex.<P>THAT too me was NEVER what she was about..<P>WE NEVER DID ANYTHING Like that and were a GREAT TEAM for our firsdt few years...<P>I dont get it ??<P>Can this Affair have been based on Just DESPARATION or what Am I missing ??<P>for more details on the background story...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/000606.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/000606.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000194.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000194.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000173.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000173.html</A> <P>

It almost always boils down to unmet needs, if you really analyze it. Women I have found are social creatures by God's nature. They get lonely much easier than men do, for the most part. That's what my W told me was one thing that Mr. OM filled, he was there when I wasn't, I was at work! <BR>Also...I was not letting her know how special she was to me, touching her in non sexual ways, e.g., hugs, kisses, etc. We read Gary Chapman's book , "The 5 Love languages" I found it to be one of the most useful ones we read. Harley's book, His needs, her needs, is good too. <BR>SO, I bet if you can get her to talk about it, he is doing something for her that you could. <P>------------------<BR>jnvc

Weird... same happen to my husband... we divorced in 4 weeks !!! The OW is a nut, i do not know what´s the deal... tha only explanation is that he has some psicho problem. He blew off a great marriage, my family he loves so much, his analyst, his job. It´s not only great sex that move this people out. I think he lost his mind in the middle of the process... read my post you´ll get my point.

If it helps my H and I quit meeting each others needs and your story sounds so familiar, except that he was the one who had an affair, and he was tempted heavily by her, she kept pointing out my downfalls and saying how much she needed him and I didn't. It's funny how much we want to feel needed and shown that we need each other by meeting simple needs.<BR>There is a country and western song by Kenny Rogers, Buy me a Rose. It's silly how financially we try to do all but sometimes it's the little things we need the most. I needed my h to see me as a wife and he didn't and so I stopped seeing him as a husband. We didn't touch, we didn't compliment each other. We didn't say we loved each other, we just walked around like strangers. You probably miss her, remember when it was good for the two of you? WHAT was good or different? Was it that she held your hand for that second longer? Was it the way she kissed you? Those things are important. Maybe the next time you see her you should kiss her and hold that kiss a little longer, touch her on the cheek and remember the last time you touched her like that. Anyhow, hope this helps! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!