Allison,<P>Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! I needed to hear them. Part of me felt like maybe I was making a mistake. I don't want to make him "pay" for what he has done for me or to make him suffer for it - but at the same time I do want to. Does that sound totally insane?!?! Because of that I almost told him no when he asked because for a short while I wanted to be the one inflicting the pain.<P>I know that is totally wrong and that is NOT "What Jesus Would Do". Plus, as I have said over and over - I do love him and we use to have fun and I hope and pray that we can do that again. <P>I am excited about Friday. I hope it will be fun. Without feelings for guilt from either of us. <P>His family is having a "get together" of sorts both Saturday night and Sunday after church. His mother and sister have all called or emailed me putting the pressure to come but I still feel awkward in going. Do you think I am being a stick in the mud for not wanting to go? I don't want to seem like a baby who can't act mature but really this is still early for me and I am so unsure about so much that I don't want to go and have to deal with it. FYI we use to have to attend every fam. function even if his dad was changing the light bulbs and wanted an audience! So it is very much expected. HELP!<P>