I posted this question over in "In Recovery" but haven't gotten a response yet. Can someone give me some feedback?<P><BR>Ok - <BR>I have question to ask everyone. When does the OP finally realize that his/her efforts are hopeless and finally stop bugging your spouse?<P>In my case, my PA died just as Dr. H described in SAA. It just died a natural death. I finally realized that I wasn't happy with what I had become and it simply ended. My H's PA (which is what I call a revenge affair), started three months after d-day of my PA because I closed up to talking about it. His PA has been placed out in the open and now the OW won't stop calling him. She's leaving messages on his voicemail and what not. He told her that she should just move on with her life. To my limited knowledge, I don't think he's called her because he's been honest with me about her contact with him. But when will she go away? I asked him if he would change his numbers - and he asked if I would pay for it! Why should I do that? Shouldn't he be the one to do that - besides this was his PA, not mine. The OM has not tried to contact me in a 1 1/2 years. <P>To make matters even worse, we all go to the same church! We just joined this church last year and I love it. We go to different services (we -8:00am & OW 11:00 am). She's a little off but, now I don't even want to go to church for fear that she'll show up at the early service and cause a scene. (Although I wish she would because then my H would never have anything to do with her - he's way too peaceful).<P>Any clues? Does the OP just have to finally tire themseleves out with rejection? <P>Vee<P>

Hi, Vee,<P>My guess is that she does. If she continues to bother either your H or you, you could get a restraining order against her. That is an individual call on your part.<P>My guess is that she never expected to be dumped for the W. I mean really the W, how insulting. Sorry, just letting loose here. I, for the life of me, cannot figure some of these people out.<P>It has only been a week hasn't it? It may take here another week to get tired of this, but Lostva's H's OW (that is clear as mud) still tries to insert herself into their lives. Lostva and her H are mostly just laughing it off.<P>Did you read what Lostva did to OW, when she wanted her H to go to Victoria Secret and buy something for her? If not read it. It is priceless, that woman (Lostva) has class in my book.<P>In any event hang in there and read Lostva's post she just might give you ideas. Gota have little fun with this Vee.<P>Take care and God Bless,<BR>JL

Hey JL -<P>Yes, it's been a week to the day. I finally cried and now I'm having all of the BS symptoms. He actually e-mailed her today & told her to go away. Really big step is that he sent me a copy of the e-mail! <P>I told him that he should do that. She's threatening to come to his practice & whatever it takes to make his life miserable. I originally said I wouldn't pay to get all his numbers changed - but I'm thinkin it's worth it. Heck, even I haven't been back to seee him practice (except for the day he asked me too ) <P>JL - I'm convinced she's a off - you know "the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead" I'm trying to have fun with it. Maybe it'll get a little better as the days go by.<P>Vee

Hi Vee,<P>Hey, anyone that could have fun with such an awful situation is OK in my eyes. Keeping our sense of humor is just as necessary as keeping our sense of self-worth.<P>Good for you and your H for moving on. Have you guys written her a no-contact letter? Maybe if she saw your signature on a letter that would freak her out enough to back off. <BR>I have learned a lot during my trials, including how to pray. This is my OW prayer.<P>Dear God,<P>Please let(OW) find a dear, wonderful, available man to love her for the rest of her life so she can never again attempt to destroy another family.<P>best of luck,<BR>allison

Vee,<P>Here is Lostva's post.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003593.html" TARGET=_blank> Lostva </A><P>I think I got it right.<P>You are definitely right about the hamster. But if she continues to make these threats have your H get a restraining order. Especially for practice and games. Neither you nor H needs this ... "person" thats the word I'm looking for (Yeah right) running around making problems for him.<P>Hang in there it will get better.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JL & allison<P>I feel off the edge yesterday and I'm slowing trying to climb my way back up. It's been a long week and an even longer day. What I wish I could do was find a picture of her and set it on fire and slowly watch it go up in flames. Does that sound deranged? I really feel drained by all of this. If it's not one thing it's something else. My H said "I don't know why she feels the need to call me. I told her that it's over" Helloooo - could it be that you're too nice? Or that you return her phone calls! Aghhhhh <P>I keep trying to stress that but it's not working. It's not that he wants her, he's just trying to let her down easy. I say who cares! What does she need to see - videotaped footage of us in various - (well I won't say but you know what I mean).<P>I keep wishing that we could move. But unfortunately, that won't happen until next year after I get my masters degree. I'd like to get some roadkill off the road and put in her yard, but I don't know where she lives.<P>Ok - I'm finished venting now.<P>Thanks for listening <P>Vee

Hi, Vee. I'm popping in 'cause I'm almost an EXPERT at the "OW from H*** syndrome"!!!!<P>PT is amazing. And that bonfire is not deranged. Wassi and I have them religiously!!! Robert's even joined me for a couple. I've burned cards, leftover joint checks (AUUGGHHH!), receipts for gifts for her, just about everything I could get my hands on. I just save things up for those inevitable bad days!! It's a great deal of fun, actually.<P>Honey, hate to tell you this, but you can't control what she does. PT is a living reminder of that! She's tried tricks you would NEVER believe, even telling Robert she'd move to Florida if HE would drive her there (so WE voluteered to drive the moving van and let her and the little one fly - she didn't go!! )!!!! And that's just the beginning. We've lived through 12 or more calls a day on his cell (the only # we didn't change - too many business contacts), drop by visits on the job (he works at the same site - she seeks him out regularly). It's been almost FIVE MONTHS!!!! But, she is tiring a bit. I think she's gonna be one of those who makes tormenting us her life's work!!! <P>I finally started dealing with it a little better when I realized that SHE'S NOT MY PROBLEM!!! As long as Robert and I are working hard on our marriage - together - and growing stronger every single day, not her, not anyone else can get between us again. That's just the way it is. It's EASIER if they'd just go away, but sometimes they just don't. Hasn't stopped us one bit ('cept in the very beginning!).<P>You'll be ok. Look after yourself and your hubby and your marriage and let her just burn herself out. He probably IS being nicer than you'd like - Robert was. That's a fact. But she's messed herself up with him with her constant annoying behavior. The niceness and not wanting to hurt her "anymore than I already have" soured quickly!! Yayyy!!!<P>Hang in there,<P>Lori

lotsva -<P>I read you Victoria Secret post - what a hoot! Last night after I 'feel off the edge' my H asked me if I wanted our M to work. I had packed all of my suitcases and was about to head out of the door. I don't know if I can put up with this for 5 months. I've got too much of a temper that I'm letting control me.<P>I was doing alright last week but now all of the emotions are coming out too fast. I'd love to know just when do they go away?!!! When will she realize that she'll never be me? Although I caused my H some pain with my own PA (his was a revenge PA), he told her that he'd never be able to love anyone again. Does she think she can change that????!!! I don't get it. I'm sure I'll see her on Sat. at the football game. But I came up with an idea.<P>I have a male cousin (who can't get enough of women - he changes them like he changes underware) who I can sic on her. All I have to do is describe her to him and watch him make a pass at her. He's got plenty of money so she'll probably see him as the best thing since sliced bread! I've never understood why women were so attracted to him, but she'll be a piece of cake for him. Hey, I'm starting to like this idea! <P>Anyway - when do they finally go away????<P>Vee