Been on the rollercoaster a lot this week. H has provided a couple of inclines and one major decline. I have provided a lot of little declines. I've been thinking just way too much. The bills are starting to pile up as well and it's depressing. <P>As for the latest, H came over yesterday to watch our D so I could go out. Our D said some things to him that were truths but I know they hurt him a bit (like she didn't want her Daddy watching her). He had also brought in some personal papers of his. I freaked when I saw them. Thought they were separation or divorce papers. He ran out to pick up dinner and left behind the papers. Against my better judgement I looked at some of them. I came across his cell phone bill and looked at the calls. I was completely heartbroken (yet, again) when I saw all of the calls to the OW - a ton of them even though he lives with her. My heart just dropped into my stomach.<P>THEN....<P>I realized I was looking at his bill from 2 months ago. And I said, well, yeah, of course there will be that many calls. Then I saw his most recent bill.<P>And you know what?????<P>There were only 2 calls to the OW's home and a couple to her work (I think). Most of the calls - at least 3/4 of them were to me!!! 3/4 of them and he had over 1900 minutes on that bill. <P>I can't believe how that can totally change everything. I was hurting so bad because of what my H told me on Monday evening. Now I feel like I can do this a while longer. <P>I just had to share that with all of you. My friends do not understand what something like that means but I know everyone on this board does.<P>Have a wonderful day!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

Hi Molli,<P>Wow...that is so great. It doesn't take much to get us back on track does it? That's what I like about this forum. When I am at my weakest I gain strenght from you all here.<P>Your rollercoaster comment really touched me. I made a decision a few days ago that really helped me with the rollercoaster thing, and I shared it with my H last night. He was pretty impressed with my attitude. I told him that the rollercoaster ride was HIS. I wanted off of his rollercoaster becasue I had my own ride going on. I said other than giving him time and space I could not help him, that I was working hard on improving MYSELF. Now, I am not convinced that this is totally true, because his attitudes and moods to affect me, but since I started looking at thing this way it has helped ME.<P>His is starting, just barely, to see me as a more independent person. I can not fix my H. I can not control his actions (obviously this is true as he had a 2 year affair right under my nose). If I couldn't control him when he was living here, I certainly can't control his actions when he is living apart from me.<P>I am learning (Thanks Lostva) to reward his honesty. He is learning to be honest. Yeah, it hurts at times and scares me to death, but he needs and wants a true partner and I am going with that.<P>So even though he lives with OW most of his calls are to you!!! That is so great!!! No wonder you have more resolve now to go on. I see good things happening there, and I know it's scary to get hopeful, but it seems like he is at least thinking now. I bet he left his cell phone bill there on purpose, knowing that you'd peek, and wanting you to see that he is detaching himself from OW.<P>It may take a lot more time. As you've seen it takes a while for them to break the addiction. Let him do it on his time schedule, not yours. <P>So great to see such good news.<BR>allison

AA,<BR>Just wanted to say it sounds like you are doing a great job! You're right, even though we're supposed to be working on ourselves it can be pretty tough. Our spouses actions can really throw us for a loop time and again. I'm so happy I have friends here who understand what I am going through and are so incredibly supportive. I was telling my FIL about MB and he said he wished he had had something like this when he was going through his divorce. He spent 2 years going through hell trying to figure things out. He sees the changes in me and my attitude and said it took that full 2 years for him to get where I'm at in just 2 months. All I can say is that I am just so incredibly grateful for everyone here and MB!<P> <P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!