Sorry it's duplicated but I thought somebody might be up this late on this forum. Please somebody just talk to me?<P>I thought we're ready for recovery forum. Life is never that easy. God gave me another big blow an hour ago.<P>On the d-day my H said it was an PA. After he talked to Dr. H today, he told me that he is in love with the OW, and he loves her.<P>He said he also loves me, in a different way.<P>I was in a good mood and in a good PlanA for last couple weeks. <P>Even when he told me that, oh I was so nice and calm, be proud of me, patting his arm while I was listening to his love story. And my mind saying "this useless *** finally got guts to tell me what kind of b*** **** was really going on ..." my face smiling, him in tears.<P>If I haven't been on this forum, I couldn't have taken it, that's for sure. I was even prepared for something worse. The shock was big, as big as when I found out about the A, but I guess I'm just stronger than I used to be.<P>He promised me that he'd never take my kids away from me (yeah? what's your point?) and wanted me to promise that I'd never take kids away from him. Took me awhile to say it. (Alright, if he gets to see them few times a year, it's not taking away from him is it?) But I promised him! For kids sake.<P>I know I'm getting sarcastic and bitter, but I don't know howelse to protect my heart. I'm not alone i'm not alone i'm not alone.<P>Is he in a fantasy world and in withdrawal? Somebody please make me believe so.<BR>

Alien,<P>I'm sorry for your pain. I apologize that I am not familiar with your situation.<P>What did Dr. H tell your H today?

alien, <P>I've posted to you on the other forum. Post again if you need to talk. I'm up late tonight too!

Thank god! I love this place!!!!!<P>I was posting on Just found out for a month or so. The A started a year ago until 4/20. We're living together and I'm planAing. 2 small kids. The OW's H divorcing her and she's after my H. Called him at work and tried to run into him. My H try not to call her for me & kids sake but he really wants to for himself. Very shakey. No wonder he talked about "leaving" "quitting" so often. He had another place to go while I don't, in this country.<P>My H had his first session w/Dr. and I had the second myself today. In my session, Dr. told me to stay focus on myself, told me that my H started to understand how love works after he read SAA. That was about it for me.<P>In his session, Dr. told him to tell me the truth, when he confessed that he loves the OW. It is a progress, I'm glad he did tell me, it just hurts, and I NEVER EXPECTED IT. (I seriously thought he's going to tell me he was gay or bi-. It's still possible, and I'm not kidding. Is it coming yet? Please...)<P>I'm trying not to cry, if I do, I might break down. Please give me strength, my God, I know he is struggling too. People gotten through this, haven't they? Could you tell me how to word prayers when I want to pray, I never done it in English....

Alien:<P>Yes, I remember that hurt like it was yesterday and it's been five years ago. I know saying we're sorry doesn't help much but it's all we can do...b/c nothing makes it any better. It's just something that has to be endure once it's in progress. <P>But you know the "fat lady" hasn't sung yet. You've been here long enough to know that affairs end eventually. The magic "love" word doesn't change that. A PA can last as long as a "love" match. What does your H intend to do about his? Does he want to work things out? Move out?<P>"Soulmate" "Light of my Life"...its always the same..he is in "love" with OW and "cares" about you. Same script.... different faces...been there...heard that. <P>This is so common that I question whether it is just not that...a stock phrase we use to describe a lot of different emotions...lust, love, caring, newness, attraction...things between men and women we can't quite put a label on...so we call it love. <P>But love has many elements and most of what we call love is really just physical attraction. The other aspects take more time to develop and are more lasting and don't fade with time. <P>So my point is, real love isn't born in a day or die as easily as we believe. And what is not dead can be revived. Find out what's wrong, continue to Plan A and continue to love him until you can't any more.<P>Buffy

I know I should get some sleep. I can't think clear anymore. I will try to sleep and start a new & improved PlanA in the morning.<P>Just one more... Everything makes sense now... He kept lying to me after d-day, after I believed him again that he was telling me the truth. Yes, PlanA did really work, it made this to be uncovered, and I wanted it.<P>He loves her. SO WHAT? Right? It's expected. Only I didn't, oh well... "my case is not that bad..." how arrogant I was... maybe I should start expecting him wanting separation or divorce, huh? Him marrying her? Oh gosh I got to stop right here. Sorry...<P>Thanks a many to everybody, I think I can make a happy face tomorrow (oops today) til whenever, now I have a chance to be even stronger!

Alien,<P>You have my heart going out to you.<P>"I'm trying not to cry"...<BR>...please do cry... It clears out the soul<BR>...it too is a prayer... a conversation with God... in a language He really understands.<P>"Please give me strength, my God, I know he is struggling too."...<BR><B>This</B> is itself a beautiful prayer too... <P><BR>"(Have) People gotten through this, haven't they?"...<BR>Yes... many of us have... me included.<BR>There is a lot of pain in hearing those words...<BR>...the pain won't stop right away...<BR>...and it will come back in waves...<BR>...but your inner strength will overcome it!<P>Your friends here will help!<P>"maybe I should start expecting him wanting separation or divorce, huh? Him marrying her?"...<BR>Now is not the time to wallow in these thoughts...<BR>...there is progress in what your H did by talking with Dr. Harley...<BR>...push those thoughts away...<BR>...get going on the best Plan A you can muster.<P>You're doing better in your prayers than you think...<BR>...God will listen in any language...<BR>...the trick is in <B>you</B> listening back... <P> <P>Jim<BR>

Good morning everyone!<BR>Thanks Survivor thanks tryingtomoveforward thanks buffy thanks Jim.<P>My H thought Dr.H would be surprised by his confession. Isn't that funny? Who does he think he's messing around with? What a dummy...<P>Now I want to snoop all the phone bills where he has phone access so bad but I know it's a bad idea! Want to tell his employees not to put her thru to him when she calls, I know it's a bad idea! Just checking, I promise I won't do it I won't do it I won't do it.<P>Maybe I make a song out of this. "I won't do it..." Or is there any songs for not LBing? Wouldn't it be nice?!

Good morning alien. Sorry I didn't reply again last night. We had bad thunderstorms and my daughter woke up screaming for her mommy!<P>Anyhow, I'm glad you finally made it to bed, sleep deprivation can lead to some real distorted thinking!!<P>How funny that your H thinks that his confession was something unique to his situation. But, the point there is, many WS have made confessions similar to that of your H's, and their marriage in the long run moves towards recovery. This is not the end.<P>I hope you have a wonderful day. Keep at it with the Plan A. You're doing terrific!