I prayed before bed last night and I woke up with the words to say to my H. Please give me your imput on how they sound.<P>I want to ask if he is still planing on leaving. If he says yes, I will say I am very sorry to hear that,I love you. Do you have any specific plans? I hope you will give me some notice.<P>I feel like I need to ask you one question and I would like an honast anser. I am ready to hear anything, but I want the truth. Are you having an affair with Gladys?<P>If he says yes, I will say thank you for being honast with me. and maybe go on a little about how I know she is a symptom of our marrige not being what it should be and how I have grown.<P>If he says no, I will ask him for his definition of an affair. And then I will say, I have a different definition. I think it is when you have a relationship with someone that excludes your spouse. When you sahre things with that person and have feelings for them and can talk to them and start to feel like you can't talk to your spouse. And then again go on about our marriage and how I have changed.<P>If he says he is not leaving, maybe not confront about the affair and again talk about us and our marriage and my changes.<P>What do you think? Does this sound fairly non LB? Seems I can maybe leave out the datebook unless I get too upset about his lies. I also found out that his sister called him and gave him a hard time ... that was the night he spent watching TV in the other room. But he has been better again after that. <P>So please help. I really feel i need to do something, but am not sure if I am ready, may put it off awhile, or may do it today.<BR>Lora

Lora,<BR>Your questions sound great to me. As long as it is done in a neutral setting where you both can talk and be prepared for the responses from the other person. No anger or fussing is allowed when you carry out your plan. <P>I say go for it, you are meeting him head on and you will get the answers to questions that need answering.<P>You get two thumbs up from me. God bless. <P>------------------<BR>PSALMS 133<BR>AMOS 7:7-8<BR>ECCLESIASTES 12:1-7

Prayer is a powerful thing, Lora...I sure wouldn't mess with what you came up with!<P>If he says he is not leaving, I think I would still confront about the affair. I don't think your marriage can heal until he is over whatever he is having and that may not happen unless it is defined and brought out in the open and dealt with.<P>Maybe your could say that you feel you are sharing his heart with someone...blah blah blah. I would try to avoid any disagreements on what is and what isn't an affair and if she says she is a friend (yuck), quietly maintain that even friends can endanger a marriage when you share things with them and have feelings for them that you can't share with your spouse.<P>If he says he is staying, and if he is somehow justifying his relationship, he may be feeling almost noble for staying and react in anger when you confront about his friendship. But Lora, you know you are right.<P>There, I just said a prayer for you to give you strength and to give you the best words when you talk to your H.<P>When I confronted mine (after only a couple hours of finding evidence), I prayed as I waited for him to get out of the shower. An enormous calm came over me and I could not believe the controlled kind words coming out of my mouth. It was an experience like no other.<P>I'll be thinking of you, Lora.<P>

Salem,<P>Thanks for the kind words. Keep praying for me.<P>FHL,<BR>I mostly pray that I can get my couraage up to go through with it. And find those words, a big hang up of mine. Please keep praying for me.<BR>Lora

I will!<P>

Lora,<P>I'm praying too! <P>Big HUGS!<P>Jo

I knew the talk would be dangerous, I started out good, but his total denial and he just has friends line got to me. I LB big time. darn it! I got the " we will be better as friends, not married " line. I admitted to snooping and confronted him with all and he still says they are just... well now its good friends.<P>I let it all out, I got angry, I questioned, I accused, argggg, I couldnt stop myself. <P>He said he does want to leave, is just waiting for me to go full time. We were getting along better, but of course this set us bacK. I did tell him I loved him and had faith in him and was not giving up.<P>I'm feeling so frustrated with myself, why didn't I stop. I asked him all the questions I have been holding inside. Why did he call her from Hawaii, why does she hang up when I answer the phone, why why why. And of course I got the 20 questions line. And no answers. <P>I am so mad, at him at me at us. I don't think we can do this. We just can not communicate, we can not get in the same place. I can not control myself and say the right thing to make him open up to me. I can not make up for 17 years of things I did wrong that he holds against me. <P>lora

Lora, <BR>i am praying for you,talk to you tomorrow.soo2bx