10 months after spouse ended affair, (Plan A working fine) the OM has started phoning our home, leaving no messages.<P>Aside from a beatdown... any suggestions from the more level headed folks here as to how I should handle this?<BR>

Okay, are you saying your wife's XOM has started calling? I would make her handle it! It's up to her to end this with conviction in front of you so that you can both have some peace and trust.<P>

Yikes! Does this bring back memories! After 9 months of No Contact, the former OW e-mailed my H trying to pursue & rekindle the relationship.<P>He e-mailed her back with stupid jokes. I suppose he thought that e-mail friendship was harmless. HA! Luckily I immediately found out because he e-mailed her from our home.<P>By that time, we were recovering fairly well and that sure put a damper on everything. I was so pissed off and hurt that he would even communicate with her.<P>I felt that I already gave him a chance to restore our marriage and told him that after 9 months, he better make a decision. I had about had it with all of this affair crap! So, I told him that if he wanted to see her, then fine...go ahead...but the kids & I will be gone.<P>He said that wasn't what he wanted and didn't understand why he even e-mailed her back (I'm wondering why also).<P>So, together we sat down, and he e-mailed her back with a "No Contact" letter. In this letter, my H wrote:<P>Do not e-mail me or contact me ever again. What we allowed to happen should have never happennend. I regret it. I love my wife and my children. I will never do anything again to jeopordize them.<P>Then, he canceled his e-mail account.<P>I also e-mailed her and told her to stop invading our privacy, and to get her own life and stay out of ours! I wrote that if she continued the contact, then we would consider it harrassment.<P>She wrote back professing that she cared about my husband and that no one would take that away from her. Funny thing is that he doesn't feel that way about her. Joke is on her! She also said that we wouldn't hear from her again.<P>It sure is coincidental though. Those hang-up calls at our home, tremendously subsided once that "No Contact" letter was sent to her.<P>Is your W willing to write a "No Contact" letter to this OM? I think that this is what needs to be done. Hopefully, he will stop.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by popeye:<BR><B>Okay, are you saying your wife's XOM has started calling? I would make her handle it! It's up to her to end this with conviction in front of you so that you can both have some peace and trust.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes the XOM has started calling. She ended this 10 months ago, together with me, using the "termination letter" recommended by DR. Harley. I do not have any evidence that she has done anything to invite these phone calls.<P>What I have done since this post is to inform our local police department and telephone carrier. I have left the XOM a message to the point that these phone calls are in violation of harrassment and stalking statutes in our state and in his state, and that the next phone call would result in a criminal complaint being filed and his arrest. <P>Thanks for your feedback.

How's it going, Shorekid? Any success? What has your wife said/done? --HBC

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HurtButCoping:<BR><B>How's it going, Shorekid? Any success? What has your wife said/done? --HBC</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I wish I had a short answer for that question. The XOM responded irrationally (twice!) to a legally crafted email I sent, informing him that any further contact would be considered in violation of harrassment and stalking criminal code. We haven't heard anything since then. I fully intend to carry out the legal actions should he return.<P>My wife wanted to ignore the contact and thought the email had a "nasty" tone. That sentiment is somewhat bothersome.<P>What makes this situation so much more difficult is that my wife suffers from from a mental illness which, among other symptom, impairs her cognitive abilities and judgement.<P>So that's where we are. I stick with Dr. Harleys techniques, I carry my burden, I fight the good fight and I continue to search for salve to a wounded soul.