My h and I had a talk at 4:00 am.<P>We were both up anyway, and I pulled him away from his laptop. Our allergies are waking us up down here in the swamplands.<P>I have felt very down lately, and not sure why, disconnected.<P>I cried, but didn't really want to open my heart. I thought he would just tell me I needed to get "over it". I've heard that so many times. Even when said in kindness, it hurts.<P>But no, he said he understood me feeling that way, and he would not tell me anything, just listen, and he did. He says it finally hit him that it was intimacy he was searching for and he wants to understand how I think!<P>I tell you all, there is hope! My h has to be the most left brained, (it is the left, right?) task oriented, feelings aren't important guy I've ever known.<P>We realized Harley's principles SET THE STAGE for real intimacy. If we are not meeting each other's needs, it WILL NOT be there. But it only sets the stage.<P>I've felt our marriage was becoming a job! I meet his, he meets mine, but I still felt lonely in it.<P>I have wanted more, to really understand how he thinks and makes decisions, but I never expected it would be reciprocated.<P>TS mentioned needing to belong on another thread. I too struggle with this. Part of it is dealing with myself. But there is a real sense of belonging with my h that I'm after. And I can see it happening.<P>Thanks, to all my friends that have continued to support me here. If you only knew...it is the only support I've had. One learns real quick the nature of their relationships and who they can/cannot turn to. Add to that, there are many people I don't want to confide in because they know my h. It's better that they continue thinking he is this wonderful h and daddy. And he is getting there!<P>------------------<BR>Cindy

MB has been the only support I've had also, outside of the Lord.<P>And the principles do work, don't they! It takes time, and for me - tape on the mouth.... and prayers!<P>Glad to hear this! <P>I've been tempted to jump to the recovery board, but as long as I don't have an agreement from husband to commit to the basic concepts, I feel it is still premature. I know what you mean!<P>

Hey, I thought I was married to that guy <P>I'm not sure my H wants to understand how I think (could be scarey), but I do think he is beginning to appreciate our different approaches.<P>Still when the emotional make up of two people is so different, there is bound to be an ongoing struggle if there is to be growth. Still, it sure is worth it, isn't it? <P>These tidbits and nuggets make all the difference!

Do you guys know how great it is to come to these boards and see this progress? <P>It just gives so much hope to those of us that are still in the middle of learning how to deal with our foggy headed spouses. <P>For me, it's the inspiration I need to keep on going, every day. Embracing the MB theories is a leap of faith. You make the results so much more real.<P>Thanks guys. I needed to read this today. BTW..my H called and asked to stay here at the house tonight (YES!). So...maybe a bit of progress here to.<P>allison

Hi Cindy,<BR> We must be married to the same man! My H too has always been outwardly "emotionally deficient",and I say that lovingly.It's a result of how he grew up,not his fault at all and it is sooo endearing to see him trying so hard now to try to change that part of himself. Better yet, I think he can say he's enjoying it!<P> I wish and wish and wish the negative effects all this has had on me would just be washed away.It makes me crazy sometimes feeling ,still,fearful and uncertain,not knowing how I could ever bear something like this happening to us again,especially after I am trying so very hard to trust H again.I so highly valued the trust we had in our marriage,it still stings that he didn't.I just pray daily that the Lord lifts this burden from me.I want to feel normal again. It seems to be happening slowly but surely!Hanging in there with the rest of you! God bless everyone here at MB, we are all to be patted on the back a bit I think, for trying to do what is right! A round of positive reinforcement for everyone!<BR>

TnT - The Lord has been my support too! Even though I did feel for awhile there didn't seem to be much reward for doing good. You would be welcome to the "recovery" board, though some of us hang here instead.<P>FHL- We are sooo different. But he is starting to get a clue. <P>az allison- Thanks for saying that. My biggest reason for posting "successes" is to encourage those who may be further down the tunnel. I see light ahead, and it is not an uncoming train! I hope you speak for others who read these stories and don't reply, maybe feel like they have nothing to say...<P>mthrrhbard- yayy, they are trying! I wish I could take a big tub of water and wash the pain off all of us. But I think we can only do it ourselves. This is one thing my h can't help with very much.<P>Slowly, but surely is GOOD. <P>------------------<BR>Cindy

Hey, Girl!! Now THAT'S what I call progress! I'm so proud of you both.<P>Look, when you get the chance I DO wanna talk b/f you leave. Let me know when's a good time, ok?<P>Luv ya,<P>Lori