Hi all,<P>We had a great time and more heart to heart talks. Lots of laughing, playing, joking around, teasing (all initiated by him)...it felt good. He was trying very hard to make both of us feel comfortable and he was successful. <P>We had dinner, and after the concert we went for dessert and talked some more. Tried to avoid talking about OW, but we did after having dessert. BUT, it was actually a very healthy conversation and we did it in a light hearted way. <P>The night before, I knew he had met with some of his friends, whom he had been avoiding since he moved out. We were all a very tight group, and this situation was difficult on all of us. I encouraged him to go out with the boys so he could start the healing with them as well. He shared some of the things that they talked about, and that's how the topic of the OW came up. My curiousity got the best of me, and so I started asking away.<P>He said he knew it had to be discussed and although he felt uncomfortable about some of the questions, he was okay with them. He takes responsibility for the 'mess' he caused. He also understood that if he were in my shoes, he would have a ton of questions, too. You'll be proud and happy to know that I didn't do any love busting!<P>He admitted that he went to OW to compensate for what he felt was missing from our relationship, but realized (took him 2 months) he couldn't contribute positively to her because of his unresolved feelings for me. After our talk this past Sunday night, he said he called her to tell her of our plans to start communicating and seeing/dating each other. He said she wasn't thrilled with his news (yippee), but they both agreed to step back. He encouraged her to date others.<P>There are no guarantees to how our situation will turn out. We, too, have no long term plans, except to keep talking, help each other heal, and do things together on occasion. <P>Allison - I went home a lady!<P>For now, we have plans for July 8th (his birthday)and maybe the 4th of July. So that's how it went folks. Happy, but still being cautious.<P>The OW lives in the same condo complex, so I asked how he would feel if we spent his birthday at the condo. I wanted to invite his family to celebrate it with him, and the kids love the pool, but it also happens to be right in plain view of the OW's apartment. He said he probably would feel uncomfortable, but he would go with whatever plans I made. I told him that it was his birthday and I wanted him to be comfortable and to be able to enjoy himself. So, this is my compromise and will propose to him. The birthday dinner will be in the evening at the apartment, but his family will come earlier in the day to use the pool. If he wants to come early to join us, he can. What do you think? <P>Thanks for being here, sdn

sdn,<P>Congratulations! It sounds as if the date went well. I would say that things are looking up. I know you two have much to resolve but first you need to enjoy being with one another again. Then once you two are comfortable again, discussions will work. <BR>Keep up with Plan A, it sounds as if you are doing very well.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

sdn,<P>YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!<P>I know it's hard to get excited, cuz they can just turn around and do something stupid, but...<P>YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!<P>I think your birthday plan sounds fantastic. You are not pushing him and he sees it. Compromise is what it's all about! As soon as my H would start making moves toward me, I'd get all excited and start pushing him...well, all that did was push him away. Still does. So...way to go!<P>How will you feel about being over at his condo with OW so close? I don't think I could do it. I'd have one eyeball on her place at all times. But, at the same time, OW will see you and your family and your kids and how great all of you are. She'll she she doesn't have an ice cubes chance in hell to replace you honey.<P>And sdn...way to be a lady.<P>allison

Allison,<P>The condo is ours and he moved out to his own apartment 15 miles away. So the birthday party is where I live now, with her in the next building. I do hope she's home to see it all!!!! He is aware that that may happen and he left the plans up to me anyway.<P>I'll post after the birthday party and update everyone. I'm happy about how things are turning around, even if inch by inch. But, still being cautious, too. I sure would love to let go and be wholeheartedly happy! Hopefully in time.<P>Take care and god bless, sdn