Homer, I am SO sorry I discouraged you last week! I certainly didn't mean to, I was just being brutally honest.<P>BUT, please read my new posts (No contact letter and Talked to H!). They are very encouraging and that's where I am today. Minor set backs last week, but it's something I can overcome and so can your wife.<P>You asked: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by homer:<B>momma,<BR>How long did it take you to quit your job after your H discovered the affair?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>His D-Day was at the beginning of Nov. 1998 (before I knew I was pregnant), and I was not planning on quiting my job. Then, a couple weeks later found out I was pregnant (w/OM child) and told my H. H told me if I wanted to reconcile that I had to quit my job. So, I gave 2 wk. notice and quit the beginning of Dec. '98. It all happened pretty quickly, which may be why I never fully got over the whole thing. So it's taken a lot of time to get through this.<P>But I am and that's what counts. You two can do this, get her in counseling and DON'T give up on her. I hurt my H many times and he still didn't give up on me. He could have walked away many times, but he didn't. He has got to be the strongest person I know. I still thank God to this day. I don't deserve my H, but God gave him to me and me to him, and we WILL get past this, together. <P>Hang in there, Homer!!!! <p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 26, 2000).]

Homer, did you read this? Just curious.

yea, I've just read it, thanks and you kep it up. Dec '98 that was a long time ago. After you told your H di you continue seeing OM sexualy. I know you couldn't resist talking to him and gettign in touch with him. This may be a stupid question.<P>It has taken you a year and a half, I don't think I could have the patients your H has. You know what I'm having trouble the most with is the lies and deciet not the sexual images in my head.

Hi, Homer!<P>Unfortunately, it was physical again a few months ago. We hadn't been together for many months, but we ended up getting physical when we did see each other a few months ago. The bad thing is that my H didn't know any of this while it was going on. The last almost split up between H and I, I confessed again all that had been going on. <P>So, yes, he was very patient. Although he was deeply hurt and angry, he never gave up on me. I'm so thankful that he didn't give up. I don't know if your wife will ever feel that way, but I hope she will. I hope you both can make it through this. I know how hard it is for you, but maybe you'd better give her some "wake up" time. Maybe she will realize. I really am so sorry you're going through this. No one deserves this kind of pain.<P>Hang in there, I hope it gets better.<P>

You know this si the worst pain I have ever endured. I have no idea what the WS feels.<P>The worst thing is I know that I can do nothing but be nice to her and love her even though she is going to continue seeing him and lieing to me for weeks and maybe months to come. I'm with God now and it does wonders when you become spiritual, it takes most of the worrys away. They come back but I talk to God and they go away for a while.<P>I pray she will see the light, but right now it seems hopeless. I<P>I'm so happy that you finally broke down and came back to your H, show him this site and get him reading and let him becaome the man he can be. You wil be so happy in the end.<P>I love to see success stories.<P><BR>also did your H show you this website or did you find it on your own. My W has no intrest in any of this. She is seeing counseling with me once a week(eternity). And things seem to be moving so slowly.<P><BR>Lots of love momma<P>Jason

Hi, Jason! I know what you mean about the pain. I think this is the worst pain any of us have ever experienced. It's pure h*ll, until you get past the hardest parts (which you're in now).<P>I found this site on my own. My H doesn't come here, I don't think he has a lot of interest in it. Your wife's not interested at all? Have you told her about it? If you can get her to read at all, have her read stuff by me, Wings, Sifted, etc. I honestly think we can help her. If she'd let us...<BR>I, too, hope she sees the light and soon! I know what you're going through, because I watched my H go through it. I'll be forever sorry for the things we did to each other, but it's in the past. We're moving forward now. I hope that you and your W can get through this, too.<P>Have you ever been the WS or just her? That makes it even harder on you if you've been completely faithful all your marriage. Let me know if you have any questions, or need any suggestions dealing w/her. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jason. Hang in there!<P>With love, Momma<BR>

You know momma,<P>I haven't even kissed another woman since I was 19. I don't think I'd know how. I have always had a huge guilty conscience. It has been a joke for years that I would never be able to cheat because I probably come home and tell her all about it. So trying to understand the lies and decite has been extremely difficult. <P>One of the things that turned her away for me was my confusion between affection and sex. Any affection she gave I tried to turn into sex. I now understand that I was actually being abusive. I never realized the effect. She seems scared that if she comes back I will be that way again. Only time will tell her that I fully understand the errors of my ways, I pray everynight and day that she can forgive me for benig so selfish. The old me did not understand why she was gtting so turned away sexualy. I always thought "it feels good, how could you not want it?". I now understand there is a sexual experience out there that is true fireworks, where you feel a glow and see clors and truly become one. I hope to feel that with her someday, I'm willing to wait.<P>The hardest thing is I know that before I ahve a chance to start mutually working on this marriage she has to be over OM. As long as she still makes contact I'll always be at square 1. If she could make a clean break for him we would be at least 4 to 6 weeks from the beginning of the rebuild process. I will give her you screen names and encourage her (in her own time) to go to you for help. Of course that is as long as you encourage her to go in my direction. <P><BR>I'm so happy you and your H are now on the road to recovery keep being strong and life now as the chance to be great.