My H was laid off, and is having trouble finding another job. He is understandably extremely worried about college and other bills, but he, as usual, is blaming me. In spite of the fact that his lawyer took 3 months to draft a separation agreeement, and either he or his lawyer never finished the necessary financial paperwork, it is somehow my fault. Supposedly he has had to pay thousands of dollars more to his lawyer than he would have if the divorce had been completed - which I don't understand because it seems to me that it takes the same number of lawyer hours to hash out a separation agreement whether it is done over a period of weeks or months. Not to mention that several things have gone through the lawyers because he was not willing to sit down and talk to me, or because the OW won't let him.<P>Once again his mood seemed to switch suddenly. He was talking to me reasonably, though obviously he is very worried. A couple of hours later he called back to yell at me, hanging up before I even had a chance to say a word. As I was writing this, he sent me a nasty email, in which he blamed me some more and claimed that one of the reasons he is divorcing me is that I am supposedly spending money delaying the divorce. Am I supposed to believe that he would therefore not divorce me if I wanted to push through the divorce?<P>Apparently it is my fault that his daughter is mad at him for not wanting to apply for a parent loan so she can go to college. <P>I wish no one had ever claimed that they come out of their fog, that they can't act like this forever. He may be close to hitting bottom, but he just gets worse and worse. I am not sure I believe that it is guilt anymore. I am not sure I believe that he is even capable of feeling guilt. It is so much easier for him to just blame me for everything. What makes me think that there is any chance he would ever stop blaming me? Nothing can possibly be his fault. He is not responsible for any of the bad things that have happened.

Gosh Nellie,<P>I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I have felt the same as you. I wish there was something I could say right now to ease your pain and hurt. Just know that alot of us here have felt that same pain, unbelievable anguish and hurt.<P>I will tell you there IS hope. No matter how things seem right now, time makes all the difference. Your H is in a fog, they do come out of it, but it's a time factor for all of us. Everyone's situation is different here on the board but the one comonality is our spouses are going thru something that is effecting us negactively and I truly believe those spouses are in more personal conflict than we can perceive. They are struggling to find themselves. They do need us, even when they're pushing us away, being mean to us and even claiming they hate us.<P>You need to stay strong and stick to your convictions. You need to pray and continue to come here and get help from us. You need to come here and share and help others, like you've helped me on my posts. <P>You are the one person in your situation that is holding it together, your children AND your H need you, although your H is resistant, to say the least.<P>Continue to show him respect, I truly believe he will one day rememeber you continued to treat him with dignity even in the worse situation under adverse treament by him.<P>I pray for you Nellie, I know how you're feeling, it stinks to have the one person you thought you could count on for the rest of your life treat you like this, but Jesus Christ Himself had His most trusted friends and allies turn on him in His time of dier need.<P>Keep posting hun, and vent away. I'll be praying you will feel some relief and even some joy soon.<P>Prayers to you,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 04, 2000).]

Hi Nellie -<P>It's more BS from the OW that he is reacting too......<P>You've grown stronger and know that you can handle this latest wave...<P>Give him the old..."Sorry you feel that way" and let her keep pushing him!!!<P>He will break from those pushes eventually.....let him feel safe with you.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

Resilient,<P>I am no longer convinced that things will get better with time. So far, things have just gotten worse and worse as time passed. It has been 16 months now since he left, and he just gets angrier and angrier. He has know "progressed" to calling me names. <P>Sheba,<P>I know he reacting to something - how much of it is the OW and how much is the stress from the unemployment I don't know. But the brunt of all of it falls on me, and I don't see any prospect of it getting better. I see no benefit to him in coming out of his fog. Why would he want to?<BR>