For some reason, in the last few weeks the thought of actually filing for divorce has crossed my mind. Before our seperation I couldn't even think the word.<P>I don't know why it keeps floating into my thoughts, but it does. It hurts to think about it but it seems like I may be headed that way since I don't want contact w/my H.<P>I can't imagine him coming back into my life with all that crap (OW) following him, I don't want that in my life again. It's, she's too destructive. And she's always going to be there regardless if the affair is ended or not because she is the mother of OC.<P>Anyone have these thoughts of D? Are they fleeting or temporary? It really does scare me.<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 05, 2000).]

Jo,<BR>You're not alone in your thoughts. Many times have I thought how much easier it would be to file and be done with it. But that's just it. It's too easy. For myself, I know I would be failing my H, my D and most of all, myself. Right now I am the only one fighting for us. It's tough because I'm doing it alone but I know the future can bring us so much more than this. I know we can get past this. We can learn from it and grow. <P>Even during the most difficult times a small light will shine and tell me to keep going. I have to believe that there was a reason my H and I met, dated, married and had a child together. We didn't do all of that for the last 10 1/2 years just to toss it all down the drain! I refuse to give up on my marriage. Most of all, I refuse to give up on my H. He needs me more than ever and I WILL NOT fail him, our D or myself by giving up and losing my hope.<P>Jo, I have followed your threads in the past. What you are feeling is to be expected. Concentrate on today and live your life one day at a time. Our minds can somtimes reek havoc by imagining the what ifs. I know. I just got through thinking of a doosy that sent me into a tailspin.<P>Stay strong, Jo!<P> <P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

Again, I'm right with you on that one....<P>But, just give yourself some down time (detachment) and see how you feel. I have felt better about myself and gained some strength. <P>I'm leaving with kids for three weeks.... It will be good to leave this town and all the gossip. I went to have my oil changed today for the trip and because my name really stands out (ethnic---and I am the only family) and because of h's job,,,,everyone always knows someone who was operated on by him....so they asked...is your h dr.X,,,,, They want to tell me how nice he is and blah blah blah...<P>I used to love it , and would come home to tell H.....now I cringe......can't wait for a break...<P>But talk it out.....it does help....but I think some distance will help you see things more clearly!!!!! Look for the little flashes of light...they are there!!!!!<P>I'm going to try to log on while away...visiting ......so I'll catch up on what's happening with everyone....I hope you gain strength as each day passes!!!!!

Even after my H and I separated, I never thought of divorce. I didn't file until I knew about the first affair and EVEN THEN, I never said the word divorce. Neither of us did until he told his parents we were separated.<P>I guess thinking it brings you one step closer to materializing it. I can certainly understand you not wanting to deal with the OW or OCs. It sure makes divorce seem like the only logical conclusion. But, there are probably a lot of other things you are overlooking. Take some time off from life and thinking about it. Let the situation settle down and see where you are a month from now. You've been married all this time. A little more time isn't going to kill you, but it might give you the perspective you need. And if you don't want to talk to him, don't!

Hi Jo:<BR>Sorry you are feeling down today. I get that feeling alot lately myself. I know in my heart I don't want this divorce but when they are pushing it so much, I get the feeling that it is inevitable. It is going to happen. I know in my h mind he wants a divorce. My only thing is that I can block it because he has no grounds to file for one. He would have to wait at least a year.<P>My family really wants me to go ahead and go straight for the divorce. I mean if it is meant to be, I can always remarry him in the future right???<P>I just take it one day at a time. I have totally cut off all contact with him. Only correspond thru e mail and I see him at the kids games but never speak to him . <P>Believe it or not, it has made things easier on me. <P>Good luck-Stay strong.

Jo, when your H is living elsewhere and has an OC with OW, some people would call it denial if you <B>didn't</B> contemplate the possibility of D! To be realistic, you need to consider all your options. You need to consider a lot things. There's no hurry. Besides, he can file too. Make him do the paperwork if a D is inevitable! Does it make any difference if you file or he files?