Well, this is my first time to post. It has been seven days shy of two months since I found out about my wife's affair. I have enjoyed reading all the posts. They have helped me some. Especially Homer's. I feel like he and I are in the same shoes. <P>My wife I feel resents me so much because of the way I came home after I found out. I told her I loved her and would forgive her. She told me that day that she wanted to work it out, but now she's realizing how hard it is. She has almost left several times, but has not. I think the only thing that keeps her around is our background in our belief's in Heaven and Hell. It's like she doesn't want to take this thing head on. She's trying to just tip toe around it, instead of going right down the middle. It's like she wants God to take care of the situation himself. Instead of her, dealing with the problem and facing what she has done. She said that it did throw her off the day I came home and forgave her. She just knew I would give her the easy way out...and that's to run. But, I didn't because I love her too much. <P>She has made some steps towards recovery, but she still (in my opinion) could take some more steps if she really loved me. She also has those days when she just wants to pack it up. And, funny, it seems to happen when I think things are going pretty well. Here's whay I'm impatient with:<P>1. Loving someone so much that you would die for them and they don't love you in return. <P>2. I'm doing everything around the house, etc. and for her and she just sits around thinking about what she is dealing with and her selfish desires/needs.<P>3. Just wanting to be around someone a lot, have a conversation with them and it's like they could care less for you. <P>4. She tells me everyday she loves me but I know I'm not the number 1 love of her life. She cares for me, sorry she hurt me, but doesn't really love me the way she use to. She says there is a difference in loving someone and being in love with someone. <P>We have done some counseling with minister but he wants to work each time on our marriage and what we need to do to have that awesome relationship again. It's not working, because she says she cannot start working or giving to our relationship while she is still thinking so much about the other relationship. She has a good friend who went through this same thing several years ago. Someone she really trusts and likes. He really helps her understand her feelings and tries to tell her she is living in a fantasy world, but of course they don't see it that way. I think he helps some, but it's almost like she doesn't care what anyone says anymore, she would just give it all up in a heartbeat if the day was right. <P>She has taken two good steps. First, she called (didn't write letter) and told OM that they have to cut off all ties. No more phone calls, personal visits, etc. She told me she didn't really know if she could do it or not. She just feels like she's losing her best friend. Tell me about it, I've lost mine. Second, she quit her job yesterday b/c OM works there. She came home and said she has had feelings of wanting to leave all day because of that. She has been so independent all these years and now she will have to be dependent on me. And that scares her because of our past together (she's always worked and made pretty good money). She said she sometimes feels that he would provide better for her than me (broke my heart). I know I can provide for her. Financially, emotionally and spiritually, if she would just give me another chance. <P>That's where I struggle also. Give me another chance! I'm the one who was betrayed, but I've taken blame just as much for the horrible husband I have been over the past couple of years. But, it just seems like she's having a hard time seeing the future with me and trusting me. <P>It's only been 'almost' two months (know we have a long road ahead of us) but I just wish she would put her trust first and foremost in God and then me and realize we can have a marriage like we've never known before. I'm optomistic and can see the future with God and her, she cannot see past today. <P>Any wise words out there? I need them. <P>Thanks and God bless,<BR>CBI
