I'm having a bad week I suppose. Recently I've just been angry. Angry at all the lies and all of the other stuff that goes along with it. I was calm the first week, wondering why I couldn't cry. Then the tears came and went and now I'm just seeing red.<P>I'm also upset because I know that the OW is contacting him some way. I know that it sounds paranoid, but I just feel that way. I don't know his e-mail password, so how else can she contact him - since I know every other password but that one. I know this is wrong, but I've thought of sending her a virus and hoping that it would destroy her computer. (That's bad isn't it)So, now I'm just angry at everything! <P>Can someone tell me what's the next feeling here?! <P>Vee

Vee, you are so early in this thing ... all the emotions you could possibly feel are completely normal. Anger is a major "normal" part of this, and can even be useful - but you must control it - and keep it from controlling you. Venting here is fine, if it is keeping you from acting on angry impulses - but remember that most recently studies have shown that expressing anger only keeps it alive - allowing it to begin to control your life.<P>I don't know exactly what is going on in your life, but I can honestly say that I've been there! I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm very glad that you found us here! Keep reading and posting - you will find everything you are feeling to be completely normal. It is a horrible experience, but it does get better IF YOU LET IT.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

hi sadly your feelings are completely normal.<BR>They say getting over an affair is the same as coping with grief. At first there's shock and denial, then Anger (bigtime!!), bargaining, sadness (bigtime!!), and finally to Acceptance. The stages aren't clearcut, you can move into and outa one or the other until finally you can accept the affair happened, that you cant change it and move on.<BR>Its a really long process, and its important not to deny yourself your real feelings of loss.<P>Vee, can I ask you, as a betrayer did you have any real idea it is this hard on the betrayed, or is it only now you can understand the pain felt?

azure -<P>no, I knew the pain I caused because I could see it on my H's face. It was awful. I went into a phase where I cried all the time - mostly when my H was asleep at night. I cried and went into a shell over the pain I had caused and the guilt I had to carry. My H told me that he thought that I had gotten away scott-free and that he felt like now he could say that he had actually done something wrong. I'm not sure that he totally understands how he contributed to the problem. Sometimes I think that he assumes that he has no fault and that this is totally mine fault. I'm not trying to lay blame, but if everything was ok - would this have happened - no.<P>Sometimes when he says - I know how you feel, I want to retort - and you think that I didn't see and feel your pain you twit! But, I don't - because that wouldn't be keeping with plan a. I remember telling JL that I couldn't cry, now that I've cried, I can't focus. all my thoughts go back to why did he feel it was necessary to do the same stupid thing I did. Now I wonder how he feels dealing with the same guilt that I had.

Hi Vee,<P>A little down this week, Huh! Well, I believe these are called the speed bumps of recovery. Look how long it took you to process your affair and open up to your H. It will take him as long, so you can be angry but you cannot hurry the process. <P>As for the anger, I believe azure pointed out this is part of the process of healing. You H probably went through it also.<P>Other than anger how are you doing? Are you and H talking? Is OW still making a pest of herself? Are you having fun yet? <P>You don't need to answer the last one, I believe I know the answer. Hang in there Vee you are doing well for this short of time.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JL -<P>Yes I'm down. My studies have suffered. I'm cramming for tomorrow's exam right now, but needed a break. The OW has called once that I know of. I assume she went out of town for the holiday, since we haven't heard anything. Fun - we've been trying to, but lately I'm just angry at hime. I haven't LB's or anything. As a matter of fact I'm not sure that he realizes I'm angry. I've just responded that I'm still hurt by all of this.<P>I checked out the post you had over in the Emotional Needs board about opposite sex friends. I was thinking of printing it out and asking my H what he thougt. I don't want to push the MB principles on him, but I really feel like it would help me some if he kind of had some type of help from DR. H's principles. <P>But yes, we are talking. It's getting better, but I just dealing with all of this from a new emotional level now.<P>By the way - Terri - I'm trying to let it get better It just gets hard some times.<P>Thanks for listening guys!<P> <BR>Vee