Hi

Duh! I hit enter too early! LOL!<BR>Hi everyone..I sure have missed this place, but I had my baby 3 weeks ago and haven't been here for a while.<P>WEll, have things gotten better for me? No, but I am trying to concentrate my life on my new baby and my other two children. As far as things between H and me, well they've only gotten worse. H now doesn't think he wants to stay home with the baby so I can go back to work and I have already made plans to work part time. He says he'll try it, but he thinks it will only make things worse between us and that we'll fight more.<P>He says he's not sure we can work our problems out because according to him we have both tried and can't seem to do it. <P>Other things coming up between us..first I'm older than him (12 years) and he wants friends his age. Even though my friends are closer to his age then mine, he doesn't want to be friends with them and he never introduces me to any of his friends but yet he says he wants us to have other couples to hang out with. Well, he's been so busy over the last couple years with all his "secret" female friends that he hasn't even tried to have any mutual friends with me. <P>He says we fight too much, but it's not that we fight too much, it's that when we do he won't speak to me and we can go an entire weekend not speaking..well noone likes that! I try to talk to him, but it only seems to make him madder.<P>He told me yesterday that he doesn't have any desire to be with my other children because he has no emotional bond with them. That really hurt. He also told me he feels wierd taking my son to the ballpark because all the other parents there are 10 to 15 years older than him. WEll, that confused me because he's been taking him for 4 years and have NEVER mentioned that before.<P>I have tried to talk with him about where he stands with me and he is not able to do that, although he tries. I think it is very cruel when he tells me that if things don't improve in our relationship, then we may have to break up.<P>Help! The funny thing is that he wants to make love all the time and he is different, much more affectionate, touching and wanting to kiss whereas before he just rushed through things..it's like the thought of losing me excites him somehow...his actions say one thing but his words say another! I wonder if he is messing with my head.<P>Finally, my h is from Europe and basically if our marriage fails before certain paperwork is complete, he can be deported and he has admitted that he is afraid of that. Isn't that horrible to have something like that hanging over your head that you wonder if your husband is using you? but when your h has had 2 EM's in the last 2 years and one while you are pregant both with women his age, you begin to wonder..does he really want me..does he really love me. <P>I only wish I didn't love him as much as I do. :-)

Take advantage of the threat of deportation! As long as he is here, in your house, and the father of your child, you have such an advantage over anyone else who cares to compete.<P>Try keeping things light. Don't talk about heavy issues that cause fights. Smile a lot and talk about a movie or what the baby is doing. You might be amazed at how the pleasantness opens the door to more willingness to discuss troubles. And once you get into controversial territory, don't lose your cool. <P>Funny as it sounds, the betrayed is in a position to build trust too! They need to know they can trust us with their feelings and hurts. I know that leaves no one to look out for you, but where we and your counselor come in!