Buffy is right. My wife needs serious emotional help. The scars she has suffered as a child are ruining both of our lives right now. But I don't think she will let me help her.<P>One other important thing to know here is that she has decided that the only reason she married me was to make me feel more secure in the relationship (as she was screwing around the whole time) and that she didnt really take the vows seriously. So IF THAT is true, am I not just wasting my time and emotional energy?<P>What if she has just been biding her time all this time, letting me provide for her because she has no real family or friends until something better came along?<P>Should I keep giving her money even though she has moved in with the om?<P>I met with her to give her $$ and to make her sign a document in front of a notery that she would not come after anything else, as she has been angry and threatening. The notary was late, however, and I had an opportunity to visit with her a few minutes. <P>She seems very sad, her eyes were welled with tears, yet she says she is the happiest she has been in years, and that she thinks she is in love with the OM. He is kind to her and doesnt try to control her at all.<P>One second she was mad at me, then she looked like she would burst into tears and fall into my arms. Once the documents were signed and she got her $$ she turned stone cold and left. I did get to tell her that if she needed a friend, I was still there for her. She looked at me in disbelief, then started spouting off about something I had done to her to make her mad. ???????<P>I AM SO CONFUSED!!!!!!! I dont know what to do. <P>All her infidelities during our whole relationship. ....and now living with this guy. <P>We are filing for a divorce Monday.<P>It takes 60 days here for non-contested. I wont fight her because it will make her vindictive, and I really don't know if I could take her back now.<P>But I am afraid for her, I am worried about her, and I do not know what to do.<P>please.....any suggestions?<P>Ben (10021997)<p>[This message has been edited by 10021997 (edited July 07, 2000).]

Ben,<P>I'm pretty new here, but I've read a lot. <P>If you want my opinion, here it is.<P>Stall the divorce and head into a Plan B. Quit giving her money, show her reality.<P>You obviously love her but you can't trust her not to take all your love away. So you can't just run back to her arms. But you can stall. <P>That's what I'd do in your shoes.<P>EB

Stall. Uncontested divorce with grounds and no children can take as little as 60 days in my area, but it's been almost a year and ours is not finished yet because of all the delays initiated by my H!!! So, can you buy yourself some time? Yes!<P>I agree that you should appear as cooperative as possible, but if you can't be reached receive sign papers, or if it takes you a while to sign them, you are still cooperating, just not in a very timely manner.<P>And I'd make her file. Why add that pain and stress to your life?<P>You really need a strong Plan A behind you before going to Plan B if you want it to work in your favor. So, I'd Plan A until the divorce is final. You may not have a choice after that as to what to do because you won't have a reason to have contact anymore.<P>If she's with the OM, let him support her!<P>Don't let her behaviour get to you. She's confused too, whether she wants to admit it or not. Take comfort in her ambivalence. It may work to your favour if you just keep showing her that loving side of yourself.